Feeling so under pressure and getting very down

[laura4jasmine]

Had a meeting with HV, Nursery teacher, Educational Support Officer and Speech Therapist last week to discuss the future for DS2. They all agreed to IEP, I wasn't expecting this as he has another full year in nursery yet, but they said if we know he's going to need help, better start now! Anyway, the conversation shifted to toilet training. DS2 is 4yo and nowhere near dry. They all started on about how I needed to give it 'more of a go'. And if the HV said 'just like with any other child' one more time I thought I would scream, he's not like any other child, that's why we were having the meeting arghhhhh. I agreed to try for a week going cold turkey (no nappies or pull-ups) and it has been a nightmare since Thur. We got to the point where DS2 hadn't done a wee for 7hrs and was sitting on the potty crying. I can't do this to him anymore, it's not fair, I just can't believe he's ready if it's causing him this much distress. He has gross motor planning and sequencing delays (amongst other things) and I honestly think he just doesn't understand the process yet. I went to my GP who said since he was making progress in other areas to leave the potty training alone, but 'the others' don't seem to want to agree with this.
If you've got this far, thank you! I'm just feeling so alone and under pressure to 'make' him do something, or I'm being branded a lazy Mum who just can't be bothered. I don't know what to do :(

You poor thing. I don't think the professionals have handled this well, and I also think that sending you off to 'give toilet training another go' is putting unfair pressure on you. How do they suggest you approach it, given your DS's issues? Have they put you in touch with any specialist help for this?

Has your DS seen an Occupational Therapist? This is really crucial, and a good OT will be able to give much better advice on this sort of thing. Go back to you GP and ask for a referral, then inform the nursery that currently, you believe that toilet training is counterproductive and causing your DS distress, and that you are awaiting further advice from an Occupational Therapist.

Good luck and stay calm.

Get the GP to write a letter for nursery diplomatically saying they need to back off. Doctor trumps nursery worker or HV . Good Mum's follow medical advice and so do good childcare professionals

Then take lovelywine's advice.

The advice I got when my ds was 3 was that potty training was low down the list way behind developing social skills, listening skills and speech and language skills so I disagree with the HV.

By the way next time you agree to potty train start on a monday. That way if your ds isn't ready then it will be nursery who end up begging you to go back to nappies and you wont have to cope with the weekend battles!

You've tried since Thurs which is a reasonable length of time. If I were you, for my own sanity, I would lie to the 'professionals' and say you tried for a full week and it didn't work. That will get them off your back and focused on what matters. Trust your gut instinct.

I would simply inform them that you've spoken to his GP who has recommended that you not focus on the toilet training at this time. Be calm and firm, and tell them in no uncertain terms that they are to drop it for now.

I hate it when people push for toilet training when children aren't ready. So annoying, and personally I think it then makes it harder to train them when they ARE ready (because the children have associated it with stress and frustration previously).

Thank you so much for the support :) I felt I had tried all the things I thought would encourage DS2, fun toilet, sweet rewards, egg timer, loads of praise and def no negativity. Anyway, I went to talk to the nursery teacher today and she's on a course, typical! So, I will talk to her tom and I'm going to take the pressure off for a while.