Independent experts and 'capable' children....

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I'm sick to death of them telling me my child is capable/bright and then mentioning that my DH is too!

FFS He's my intellectual equal. No, I couldn't teach engineering, but then nor could he have done my job nor navigate the SN system.

It's starting to piss me off actually!

Definite correlation between knowledge/expertise and patronisation IME. Head of ind SS considers me the expert on ds and my knowledge invaluable contrast that with HT of primary that I removed dd from considered me neurotic/ over protective and in need of counselling rather than gace the fact that dd had a shit teacher who was ignoring her statement.
HV who said "you don't want to give him a label or people will think there is something wrong with him" contrast that with ds's paed who called me an extremely knowledgeable experienced and effective parent responsible for ds's amazing progress.
I find those with real knowledge and experience treat you as an equal whereas those without find your knowledge and experience threatening and so aim to belittle it instead.

I still believe Ds would be able to access ms with ABA trained shadow though.

As I said, it isn't the ms curriculum he is unable to manage, it is the lack of understanding and knowledge of the standard ms staff and even those who advise them.

If ds was starting out now though Star so when he entered nursery with a ft statement if I had my time again I'd have swerved mainstream and opted for special all the way. MS curriculum really isn't anything special IMO to be frank in primary you could fit it in delivered in a less rigid and more interesting way around ft attendance at SS. Ds had all the numeracy and literacy skills taught in ks1 before he even entered nursery so I was stupid really putting him in an environment that wouldn't teach him the skills he lacked I suppose.

Agree that more knowledgeable professionals tend to treat me as an equal, tbh. That said, I recognise this and play down my own expertise with new schools. I need them to believe that I trust them implicitly and believe they have the power to support. Then I can get cleverer and ask for more, and they do try to keep up. With decent Paeds I don't have to pretend, I can just ask. We have had one paed that was a complete waste of space, and knew virtually nothing about dd2 or her issues. I barely bothered to speak to her once I realised the extent of her ignorance. (am also completely aware that sounds well up myself )

On a slightly different topic, but pertinent, those with v bright children should keep an eye on the twice exceptional info on nagc or hoagies. And don't forget that many schools will (and should) be running concurrent ieps for both gifted and sn. Differentiation should cover all aspects of a child's ability. (teaches granny to suck eggs)

I generally try to avoid dealing with professionals who suffer from the full triad of insurmountable impairments (stupid-patronising-arrogant). Much less grief to look up the relevant bits of their job & do it myself.

Being constantly trounced at tribunal by a "SAHM married to a v. intelligent engineer" (aka "he must be autistic too, you poor dimwitted dear") must really bother them

You see now this thread has got me in two minds wether ds is ok in MS or not. Proff said he should not go to SS when I asked outright. I just want him to be HAPPY in school wherever he goes. Proff said he needs MS but need extensive proff support to be there. That he would be bored and not cope in SS despite his behaviours and anxiety.

Sadly it is so crap here when it comes to proff support anyway and so where does that leave ds? He is very bright yes but its doing him no favours because he KNOWS he is doing it all wrong and he knows he is different and he gets annoyed with himself at the same time he is borderline with reading (2yrs below) and writing could not be scored at all.

DS is basically in limbo with no true home :(

Coff, I think it can be down to the individual school tbh, and sometimes to an individual teacher as to whether it is the right place.

There are hardly any SS that I have seen that I would put my Ds into. Sure they're fine for some of the kids there but inappropriate for Ds. I didn't see much learning going on in most.

The school Ds is in isn't brilliant academically but it does follow the NC.

When it boiled down to it it was almost a matter of choosing which of his needs were cheaper and easier for me to address myself, and which needed some expensive and expert input.

I decided that academics, being Ds' strong point could be done as a top up, either initiated by me or led by Ds (particularly in early primary) but the social communication stuff I just can't do without access to peers and I have found no mainstream school that has a clue how to address it either.

I don't really think there is a right answer, but if you ever change you need to know that not 'any old' SS will do iyswim, nor will it be perfect.

Sadly you'll be compromising whichever route you take so I suppose it is about managing and juggling the resources at your disposal to their best effect.

Reading this thread with interest as trying to decide between continuing in MS for DD or going to a SS for secondary; at the moment moving towards SS being more suitable, as DD needs to have such a differentiated curriculum, which she can only access with her 25 hours 1:1 support.

I cannot seen the point in putting her in with peers who will be doing GCSE's (she is at Reception level academically in Year 4)

When I went to visit a SS I was impressed with the life skills training that they do, there was evidence of them also doing academic work, even a couple of GCSEs, but I fear that the LA will say that she coped in MS primary and try to push us into nearest MS secondary with 1:1 support, but there is a world of difference between a small single form entry primary school of 200 pupils and a secondary school of 2000 pupils!
She cant find her way around her primary school on her own, so no chance of any independence in a MS secondary school.