4 year old DS can't bear the sound of other children crying...

[Soutty]

I mean REALLY can't bear it. He panics, closes his eyes and runs towards the child and hits - he is trying to stop the noise but of course the child who was already upset gets even more upset.

I had taught him a replacement behaviour which was basically to go up to me/dad or a teacher and ask for a cuddle instead and this was working well - or so I thought. Yesterday at pre school he hit two children, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, both times because they were crying. When I came to pick him up he was in a room with the pre school leader sitting on the naughty chair.

The trouble is that they do not have enough staff on Wednesdays to ensure that someone is within his range to prevent these incidents (a) and (b) they are not supposed to cuddle the children and (c) it appears that all the staff did not know the strategy anyway.

To cut a long story short, I am pulling him out of pre school on Wednesdays. The other problem is they are just handing him a calculator to keep him quiet (he stims to numbers). Pretty pissed off as I'm doing ABA with him on my days off and I just feel they are not being helpful. It's a private pre school and very costly. Fortunately he starts state school in September. They seem to be a lot more switched on to his needs.

Any advice in the meantime would be welcome.

sorry, no experience of this but just wanted to say at not 'being allowed' to cuddle the children. Who makes up these rules?

Soutty, my DS2 with ASD was exactly the same. If DS3 fell over and was crying, for example, he wouldn't be at all sympathetic, he would get really angry with him and shout at him to stop. He's now 12 and seems to be much better now. I explained and explained and maybe finally it clicked.

Your preschool doesn't seem much cop. Is he on early years action? Has the area SENCo been involved? Have you met the school SENCo and sorted a transition plan?

Hmm could you get him some of those SN kids ear defenders to keep with him in his bag then if someone starts crying he can race to his bag and stick then on? Will that work?? I sympathise my dd2 hates other kids crying, she hasn't hit them (yet!) Although she doesn't start preschool til September either, so there's time....

Or maybe he could keep ear defenders round his neck for quick access (to also tune out rubbish preschool workers!)

We've had that problem here but with exposure to it the problem does seem to have decreased, he doesn't hit anymore. He is 5.

my advice would be to find a new pre-school.

they aren't allowed to cuddle the kids??? i wouldn't send my children there on that principle alone quite frankly
and the fact that they're not meeting his needs, and keep giving him the calculator to keep him quiet would just make me see red.

there ARE better places out there