someone took the safety catch off the hand grenade!

[bochead]

Tertiary CDC have observed my son today & there's been a big meeting with ASD outreach to decide whether to award him an ASD diagnosis. (This is the second opinion stuff I talked about on the can asd have friends thread).

I WASN'T INVITED OR INFORMED!!!!!!!

Dozy TA tells me tonight so I swallow my irritation, focus on outcomes & eagerly ask the following:-

1/ Any update on help with the sleep disorder?
2/ Did they assess for dyspraxia?
3/ Did they assess for APD?

4/ When am I gonna see the ASD & pead as I need advice for planning for DS's minor op under GE later this term?

TA has the fooking nerve to ask why he didn't know about any of these issues cos he'd thought he could handle the meeting.

I feel so damn betrayed, upset and disapointed I can't even put it into words. I've yelled that I think it was cowardly for the HT/Senco not to have had the nerve to tell me to my face about their betrayal and that I expect a face to face with the SENCO tomorrow first thing. I mean it too!

I'm afraid to say that I lost it for the first time ever on school premises and raised my voice. For years I've kept myself in check and am normally known as the Queen of self-control to anyone who knows me well.

I've left messages at the tertiary assessment centre asking why I've been keeping a sleep diary for months if it's going to be ignored & listing my questions above. I've told all the relevant voicemail machines I expect them to contact me tomorrow, first thing as a matter of urgency.

I did however get a nice note about my lad's 22 late marks this term - this is a kid who normally goes to school on 4 hours sleep so if they honestly think I give a flying fook if he's 5 mns late on a regular basis after today they can do one.

At this point I'd enjoy showing a magistrate the paperwork for how often I've tried to get help over the years. (Or I could just ALLOW him a proper meltdown @ 9 am tomorrow morning as school haven't had to suffer one since last September BECAUSE I let him slide in all of 5 mins after the rush )

Sicked & tired of feeling sick & tired.

bloody hell that's shocking - was the meeting at school?

Formal Complaint time

In writing, stating that you consider the assessment to be invalid and unsafe as you, as his primary carer was not invited.

Remedy - convene another meeting at which you can provide your input

That's what I would do.

Also would include statement denying them the right to discuss my child with other Agencies without me present. Have had to do this myself.

With that sort of formal complaint they will realise they have over-stepped their authority in holding that meeting without go.

Give 'em both barrels

Agree about re:complaint. This is outrageous, your child shouldn't be assessed without your prior knowledge or consent.

Part of the reason I was so upset was that this is second opinion time - so a lot riding on it. I'd been told I was to be invited at the beginning of last week and am kicking myself cos I didn't call this morning to chase again for fear of being seen to be a nuisance [anger].

If it was simply a case of everyone present thinking it was someone else's job to call me, (bet it was!) then why did NOONE have the nous to pick up the bloody phone & call me today? I could and would have been there within 30 minutes.

I'm definately drafting a letter tonight after I calm down to be placed on the school file to say that in future no outside agencies, not even the Queen gets access to MY child for ANY form of observation, assessment or otherwise without my prior WRITTEN consent (so noone can invent a phone call that never happened). It shoudn't have to be this way, and it'll certainly sour relations with the school but I do feel they've left me with no option.

How's this for a plan of action?

1. Demand to see SENCO/HT tomorrow morning to give them my written "consent" notice & formal complaint.
2. Email Autism outreach/SALT etc copy of same.
3. Jump on a train to Guys in person and speak to clinic receptionist very politely face to face? I'll hand in my written list of questions and see if I can't get them to come out and look at DS again?

Pissed off cos I also need to apologise to the TA for letting him have it with both barrels tonight (sorry if I sound arrogant but wtf is a lowly TA doing in a meeting like that when the child's own mother is not present?). Just for once I don't want to be the "reasonable" one! (stomps foot like a toddler)

Now I've got to ring his Dad, who bless, is already worried sick about his eldest, & tell him there's been a cock up yet again with the youngest.

I'd complain to the Head, Governors and LA. What the hell are the managers of this school doing allowing TAs to arrange meetings like this.

I would definitely state that the only remedy is another meeting with me present.

I would not apologise to the TA.

I've always had to sign a consent form before anyone is allowed to come in to even observe my ds at school.

Complain to absolutely everyone.

I wouldn't bother going in person to Guys, I would phone up tertiary paed's secretary and explain the fiasco, then follow up in writing, even better if you can get GP on side to fax something in asking for urgent reassessment.

I agree with wet august - no way should that meeting have gone ahead without a parent being present. I'm also wondering why a TA is organising meetings and then demanding to know about your child's confidential medical details. Where does the SENCO come into all this?

Terrible :( I've had to sign so many consent forms for school. I can't believe that they could get that many professionals there and not even bother to contact you.

Oh FFS!

I am so sorry as I know this assessment was so majorly important for your DS (which is an understatement) no wonder you are furious and flipped you have every right to chew their ears off big time!

Why on earth has a TA been instructed to deal with your sons welfare for goodness sake.

Wet is right this is major complaint time. They are playing with your sons future this is so wrong.

May as well complain to guys while you're at it

Although on second thoughts, find out first if if they're about to write a report saying their obs show mum is right, everyone else is wrong.

Go Go Go girl

That is a good letter. To the point precisely. Good on you :)

Now...............how many bad language words were going through your head lol in what you really wanted to put

LOL

I'm fairly sure school were the ones meant to be responsible for informing me of what was happening today. After all, they are the ones that see me on a twice daily basis!

BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If this can happen to you, (and what has happened to Coff), when you are so experienced and articulate and knowledgable, then god help people like me stumbling around in the dark.

Sorry, badly put, just really really shocked by this

WTF is going on out there?????

I think your letter is PERFECT btw and hope it makes them sit up and choke on their tea. I wish you could follow it with legal action too.

(ps I've recently name changed )

Spoken to everyone this morning.

They are all a bit shocked I think at just how angry I was and keen to placate me. It sounds as if it was just one of things that happens sometimes with these things - one person off sick, email mix ups etc, etc.

I'm mostly just relieved it was a genuine cock up as having escaped a school last year that could compete with Coff's or Imogen's, the mental scars are still healing.

It's getting sorted and won't happen again.

I don't think there's any doubt left though at school as to where DS inherited his meltdowns from though Ah well, I only ever claimed to be a Mum - not an angel

It did them good to see you flip for once :) At least they know you wont be brushed under the carpet with your sons needs.

Are they going to repeat the obs again with you present?

I am glad it was a genuine error thank goodness.

Oh FFS Boch. Yes you can handle it. Yes you're resourceful enough to fight this one. Yesyou can complain. Yes you can write/email/call/threaten but why the fuck should you have to?

don't be embarrassed - they should be though as they can't do their bloody job properly.

Ooo, missed this yesterday as I was busy watching the Olympic torch relay. Now it's all over bar the shouting. So glad you feel it's sorted for the future, though. Bugger apologising.