Toilet or Potty?

[mumineedawee]

I need to crack on with the toilet training of my just 5yr old ds, mild asd, poor muscle tone, language not too bad.

Nursery keeping him for another year, not sure what I feel about this, but they feel that the toileting is a huge issue. Its not that I don't agree, but he just doesn't seem to have any of the normal ready for toilet training signs so I am dreading the next attempt.

Previous attempts have lead to nothing. He has in the past 6 months gone two full weeks in pants, wetting and pooing regardless. He has managed the occasional wee in the toilet.

I have spoken to the asd team, and they suggest maybe trying the toilet and skipping the potty completely.

Any wise mums who've been here got any ideas or insight?

Skip the potty. You are only adding confusion when you move to the toilet. You need to allow yourself two weeks at home to successfully potty train. No distractions or excursions. Lots of juice to drink during the day and rewards for dry pants. I would recommend Lori Jenson's 3 Day Potty Training Manual.

Another one saying skip the potty. DD2 is 4.11 and has been in knickers for 4 weeks now (with an incontinance pad in). School are great and instigated the toilet training first (however she is in a sn centre attached to a ms school).

DD2 was exactly the same as your DS, not showing any signs and I wasn't convinced the school were right to start it but thought I'd go with it and see what happens.

She is now dry every day, however it is still up to me or school to take her at regular intervals, she won't consistantly tell you she needs it and has an issue with pooing in the toilet (waits until her nappy goes on at night).

When I debated potty vs toilet I was told potty's are for 2 year olds and to treat DD2 the age she is, and like sallybear, once you have mastered potty you then have another hurdle to jump which is potty to toilet. HTH

Hi mumIneedawee, I used a potty a first with DD, but at the time I didn't have a downstairs loo in my house, so it was necessary for her. I had tried several methods with her before; putting her on the potty at regular intervals &got her NT brother to go on the potty to show her etc- all with no success. It was my mum who got her properly started ,and it was the same as Sallybear said - what worked was not going out of the house for about two weeks - between my mum and me, we just sat at her side constantly and set her straight on the potty as soon as there was any action. I think this was the key, because she had to experience the sensation of urinating & being set on the potty,and that seemed to be what clicked with her. After the first week, she was able to say "pee coming" and we shortly progressed to the the loo. Four months on, she still needs help with wiping & flushing, but fingers crossed has pretty much mastered it (thank to my mum!)

I would agree and say toilet too, a potty is likely to be too small to be comfortable for him. A step for resting his feet on while he's seated will make him feel more secure, and possibly one of those family toilet seats with an additional child sized seat as well.

If he's a creature of habit and goes at roughly the same time every day, it'll be a lot easier for you to be able to take him to the toilet for the desired result with minimum hanging around. You might need to employ mummy wiles to distract him from tempting occupations, such as turning on taps, working the flush, bath toys sitting by the bath, etc. You could use a couple of his toys/books to keep him occupied while he's waiting. Giving a large drink, waiting ten minutes and then taking him to the toilet might give you a better chance of a successful wee in the right place.

You could use a series of pictures showing the sequence of going to the toilet, ie pulling down pants, sitting on the throne, waiting through the motion, wiping, flushing, pulling up pants, washing hands etc, if that helps him to understand the process and the order of the steps to take.

DS2 hated the potty. Both boys much happier to use the toilet (with an adapted seat on it).

I'm curious. You say the nursery are keeping him for another YEAR based only on the toileting?? I didn't think they were allowed to do that. Maybe someone else can advise on that? I can't understand holding up his education for toileting... or have I misunderstood something...

Toilet definately. Our Ds2 has ASD, is now 4.8yrs and is in reception at school with a statement, we have had several false starts with toilet training but have made great progress recently, but still have a long way to go. DS2 was initially weeing every 40 mins, so we stayed at home and I took him every 40 mins, with sticker rewards and a big prize when he reached x amount of stickers. We always used the toilet, to be honest I found it hard to find a potty that fitted him. Use a bag of toys or books that he can only use when he has been to the toilet, you need to get in his mindset and think'what's in it for him??', it's got to be something that is worth his while. Lots of drinks as he will need to build up his muscle bladder tone so he can hold onto his wee for longer as the weeks go by. It has taken Ds approx 8 weeks to be able to hold on 2/3 hours now between wee's which is great. The poo however is a work in progress for us!
I would also question why your son is not in school/going in sept? I don't think thats right either-our DS is an august baby and he started normal reception, in a mainstream school in sept, 2 weeks after his 4th birthday, and he started full time in pull ups. An intimate care plan was in place and the school had to ask TA's to 'volunteer' to change DS initially, as his Statement did not come through until end of Sept, but they cope well and Ds is now wearing pants for some of the day (until we can move forward with the poo situation). They can't refuse your DS a place on the grounds of toileting issues, they have to meet his needs and if that is toileting help then that needs to go on his IEP. DS has made huge progress this year, and enjoys school. Reception is a good settling in year before moving into Yr1 where the real work starts. I would be pushing for him starting school in sept-if in doubt speak to parent partnership and have a meeting with the school. If he is 5 should he have started in sept 2011? Don't let the toileting hold him back academically. I honestly think our DS may take another 12+ months or longer until the toileting is sorted, what if your son takes another 2+ yrs? Will he miss school until then? get him in school asap and get a care plan in place for the toileting. Speak to your school health adviser/nurse for help with this.

Definitely skip the potty. Neither of my boys would have fitted on one at that age, anyhow. The convenience of being able to keep a potty right next to the child is far outweighed by the annoyance of it being worn as a hat or filled with toys, anyhow :o

And if your DS is not ready, he's not ready and school just have to deal with it.