Dx at last! Now, cannot get my head round it.

[Jerbil]

not been on for a while. 4 years ago I rang the HV about DS1s food issues and a few other things and wanted a referral. I was asked if I would be happy then! as they were clearly fed up of me wanting help. since then we've been through a lengthy process and now at a second opinion DS1 has been diagnosed with Aspergers. It's a relief in one way. If it had gone the other way, we'd have been pulling our hair out again. so this is the best outcome without a doubt. But i cannot be happy about it. I would describe it as all-consuming. i've thought about nothing else since it happened. still early days I know, but I'm confused really about the way I'm feeling. i thought i'd get this massive relief feeling but i haven't. doesn't help that the HT seems to disrespect the dx although the other staff seem to have changed their opinions a little. Not even got it in writing yet but the notes the psychiatrist gave me were a real eye opener as to how much he has been struggling while looking quite OK within the school environment. he has no friends, does not know how to play, no imagination. i feel sad for him.

Wow, jerbil that has been a long time coming.

We got a dx for Dd3 after 3.5 yrs in september, I know what you mean about al consuming.

I felt really wierd for a few days after the dx because I had spent some much time and energy trying to get her to the point of dx and suddenly it was done and that was that.

I recovered after a while though and started to ensure that any support she could access was put into place.

The inclusion staff at her school are fab, they phone me regularly and say we have a group starting for this or that do you want her to do it and I say If it's free I she can have 2. LOL

Give yourself time to draw breath and get your head around it and then go in to school and see what they are offering in terms of support. If nothing is forthcoming you may need to shop around for a better school.

Good luck and be kind to yourself.

Hi Jerbil

Yes, it's difficult after dx. Like Ineed says, give yourself time. You're in a loss situation and need to give yourself time to adjust.

I didn't want a dx because I felt it was a label. My DH was much more open to it, however, I managed to accept it in the end and realise that my DS is still the boy I know, just as lovely . The label just helped us to access the support he needed.

Yes, they have a difficult time, but with the right support they can enjoy life and do really, really well, just like any other kid.

There's lots of support and advice on here too. Everyone is absolutely great, so keep coming on with any questions or even just to say you're having a hard or great day .

We all know where you are coming from. Even if you have been pushing for the dx, it still hits you. I absolutely understand the all consuming nature if this thing. I'm still getting to grips with it myself. (((hugs)))

Thanks - it's soo unexpected to feel like this. I'm just trying to be practical. There have been so many things I wanted to do for him before now but couldn't because he wasn't diagnosed. But now, I have to start trying to help him. xx

Another one here that knows completely how you are feeling. I am still waiting for the reports to arrive and dont think it will totally sink in till I read it all in print :)

I think battleing with the school and their rejection of everything has put the stress on more than it should to me.

Give yourself time and you will get there x

coff33pot I am expecting a brief letter this week due to a multi agency meeting at School, which has actually now been postponed. at least that'll be something. the notes that they made throughout the observations have been given to me and they were amazing. DS1 is rocking on the carpet though not for long, hiding behind a cupboard so that no-one can touch him, rocking on his chair, withdrawing socially from peers outside sitting on his own in the playground and yet the teachers still say apart from his academic side they have no concerns about him. hahahahahahaha lol!!! No, what they mean is... he causes us no problems, he intereacts with no, does not annoy anyone, hit anyone, keeps himself to himself and is as quiet as a mouse. Every teacher's dream! Even the SENCO has now admitted our life is touch with him, and that came when she saw him with me in the playground for 2 mins and he was repeatedly whinging and nagging me. He is so different between the playground and the classroom; the psychiatrist said it was remarkable. that same difference can be seen when he's elsewhere too, so it's a complete acting job at school. This has worked against him till now when the 2nd opinion psychiatrist saw through it all.

You tell your school that he is hiding because he is unhappy and he is rocking to self regulate rather than do what mine does and bolt for the door.

DS used to rock and sway till he found his legs were faster than the teachers

I would point out to them that he needs encouragement to join in with his peers and help in the social skill direction or a while down the line when they expect him to join in footie, team building themes, plays etc they could well see a different side to him unless they build his confidence and show him its ok to join in with support.

Now is your chance to cram in as much and as many requests of support as you possibly can :)

exactly. I think eventually he would realise nothing bad is going to happen if he doesn't do as he's told. and then even I may be surprised by his behaviour. I've been shocked by the thing he's done when with the psychiatrist. That's just DS1 to me. To someone else it's obviously telling!