NT 3yr old again...

[StarlightMcKenzie]

She wanted chocolate from the station shop. I said no. She screamed all the way to the train and refused to walk. I carried on walking and she started the ole 'I want my mummy, she left me all on my own' stuff and in rush hour caused quite a crowd.

So I went to collect her, looked at her little bag that she adores, looked at the baby doll she was holding and dreamed of the on the tracks, then bent down and gave her a symbolic but pretty harmless smack on her well covered bottom.

It isn't something I usually 'do' but it isn't something I feel terribly guilty about on occasion either.

Anyway, holding her hand and walking along the platform now a woman rushes up to us and frightens dd by saying in a loud and scary voice 'Are you alright? I saw you get hit. You shouldn't get hit!' DD clung onto me tightly and I couldn't help but laugh at the silly woman.

It was almost nice to have someone criticise and comment on my parenting without the embarrassment, apologeticness, shame that goes with trying to prevent a child with ASD from hurting himself or annoying others.

DS incidentally was being an angel the whole time.

I'm not sure what made me laugh but I think it was that she looked like the witch from Wizard of Oz and had a black swirling coat and rushed in at us from the side. She's probably a SW!

Dd (she was only three herself) saw a woman smack her daughter in the local Co op and rushed straight over wagging her finger saying "naughty mumma smack a little girl, you need five minutes to think about what you've done and now say sorry" Not sure who was most embarrassed tbh.

So on the way home she's screaming on the train because she can't sit next to the window. I completely ignore her. A woman says as she gets off 'that child needs a good slap'!

So there you have it. Full circle!

Whatever you do, you can't bloody win!

Oh star you are damned if you do and damned if you don't..

My DGD 9(4) has been in one of those moods today , I am her main carer during the day and she can be a right one. I threatened her with her teacher this morning and I never do that.

There must be something in the air!!

I am actually laughing with you I should imagine it was quite a spectacle at the station lol

Come on now give yourself credit your dd got to keep her beloved bag this time

I'm fairly certain she would herself chose a pat on the backside to having her bag in the bin or her baby on the tracks.

I usually get all hot and cross about these things but they usually involve whatever I am doing to keep DS in line and somehow I would have NEVER have been physical with ds as I always feel far more judged and watched.

And yet, in the middle of rush hour on a crowded station I felt obliged to demonstrate my superb parenting skills to a huge audience that included the wicked witch of the East. It was just a very surreal moment.

Aargh, cringing on your behalf. the thought, planning, social awareness, ability to push your buttons and choose the exact moment

DD has those awful nt traits too. I think there's a lot to be said for a) male dc and b) asd dc

Reading about your dd makes me think that there are positives to ASD children, I had forgotten how bloody difficult my older three could be at times tbh.
She sounds great though and lots of fun and I guess she's probably a lot like you

She's probably too like me. I just don't know what to do with girls at all. I had 3 brothers. My DH is male. My friends were usually male.

But you know, she's my light. I'm so proud of her. She's so clever and funny and has a huge personality.

But I don't think the teenage years are going to be much fun.....

Star me and my elder daughter are like bookends, I remember once catching sight of the pair of us in a shop window and we both had the same stance and were both going at it hammer and tongues refusing to budge. Now she's 19 and it's just getting to be fun, we laugh at the same things, we don't clash probably because she lives her own life and we genuinely enjoy each others' company now when it was strained for years. No doubt there will be bumps in the road but you'll hang in there and wonder how you managed to raise such a wonderful young woman just like I do.

My eldest dd was my daughter till about.........ohhhh 14

Then a spaceship abducted her and morphed her into and alien

With long arms, dragging her knuckles on the floor at the same time shouting "its not fair!" whilst spending her life in her cocoon of a bedroom, filth and clothes and makeup which would be scrapped either side about a foots width so she had a pathway to the fridge downstairs, TV and me so she could beg I put credit on her mobile or her life will be over

Then 18 came and it was all sooo boring and she became my dd all over again!

And she is now officially my best friend :)

Thank you insanity and coff.

Justa, - I don't normally do that, but somehow it seemed the kindest thing from the options available at that moment. I couldn't completely let it go because this is becoming a problem that I don't want to escalate. Something had to symbolise the situation.

And on reflection I still think it was a reasonable thing to do.

I felt like telling dd that it was her behaviour that had caused the scary woman to come, but checked myself at the last minute as it is not my intention to destroy her emtotional well-being with guilt or worry etc.

The way home thing strategy was to ignore her. That probably wasn't the correct thing to do because it did disturb a carriage full of passengers and boy can she scream. I videoed her on my phone though and played it back to her which kept her quiet for a few minutes. So I at least TRIED distraction. But generally, - she ain't one to be distracted from her mission.....

Im usually able to count till 3 in such situation but I I'll lie if I say I haven't slapped the backside. It's not something I'm necessarily proud of as after all parenting courses and aba training I'm sure I can make use of the positive reinforcement more. However in stressful and rushed situations like you were in I'm your exact copycat. Ignore the woman, I ignore all comments as it's easy to judge but no one really knows what's going on in yr life.

I think you are doing a fantastic job with your DD and she is a lovely little girl but same like my DS craves attention as unfortunately they have learn to cope with 'I don't have much time for you right now' from such an early age as most our attention has been on older sibling. And with another coming soon her behaviour may get worse for a while.

I'm sure she remembers you have rewarded your DS for asking for chocolate or something else for asking nicely or good manners so she may be using the same technique hoping it works. My DS who is same age often asks how does ds1 gets certain things and when he tries to asks for them he doesn't get them. Makes me sad sometimes that I don't have the words to explain.