I think my dd is turning into a bully

[indiastar]

Ds is 8 and has adhd, sensory issues and is being tested for asperger, dd is almost 5 and nt as far as I am aware. All her life ds has not tolerated her very well and is often very horrible to her, which we obviously try to stop. Sometimes he does not mean it but he often shouts at her, for example, if they are in the bath together and she says, 'i'm going to dive in the water', he will get irate and shout, 'you can't dive in the bath, it's too shallow, you'll crack your head open etc, etc'. DD obviously knows this and is just playing.

So, she started school in September and I keep being told by her teacher she is being horrible to her classmates, usually her best friend (she has already lost one, due to being nasty). We've never had a problem with her before and don't have any problems with her at home. I don't know if this is because of her brother or just an age thing, but to be honest none of the other children are nasty in her class.

I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation before and what they did about it.

Could she be outing her frustrations with her brother on her friends at school?

I understand he has some problems, but maybe she finds it hard to understand why he is allowed to treat her that way- yet knows he is "allowed" to and she can't react the same way? Do you try and correct his attitude towards her or let it slide? E.g. "Yes DS, your sister understands she can't really dive into the bath, she's playing, please don't yell at her etc.?"

We never let things slide and always explain to him that she is only playing and not to shout etc, it just seems that she has been 'bullied' for so long at home that she is now taking it out on her friends, usually her best friends. As if it is normal to treat the people closest to you so badly.

Just wondered if anyone else was in a similar position and what do you do? We read all the books on how to be a good friend etc, and she knows it's wrong to be nasty. Just don't know what else to do.

Not sure what for!

Awww, I feel for you. I hope you find some answers- the fact you have noticed and are trying to fix it is a great start, many children don't have as caring parents.

Thanks, feel like the worst parent at the moment. Gone from being very sociable at school, to just grabbing the children and disappearing as quickly as possible after school so I don't have to see anyone.

I have problems with DS1 and DS2 but DS2 reacts differently - he tolerates the constant 'bullying' for so long and then snaps - the other day he threw a football hard into the face of DS1 and said 'this is what it feels like to be me'. DS2 (11) is very different at school - riddled with anxiety - and so DS1 (6)rounded up a gang of his school friends to 'beat up' DS2 at breaktime. Sometimes I don't know if DS1 can't help it or if he is being a bully and I do understand where DS2 is coming from (at the same time as feeling guilty - as if he is allowed by age to do what I secretly wish I could do at times)

I meant 'DS2 rounded up a gang to beat up DS1'!

OK this is all wrong - DS1 is 11 and DS2 is 6 - brain meltdown!

What a nightmare for you KeepOnKeepingOn1.
Dd seems to tolerate whatever she gets at home, but takes it out on her friends at school. School are quite understanding, but I am mortified at some of the things she has been doing. Especially, as I am friends with most of the parents in her class.