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Original poster

Quick honest answers on restraint PLEASE

17 replies

devientenigma · 17/05/2012 07:16

DS quite aggressive with a heart condition has been restrained a few times by a few different profs. Yesterday the home tutor restrained him as DS went to maybe hit him. Should this happen?

or

should the tutor, who now doesn't like my parenting, waited until DS calmed, then keeping his distance start to tell DS what he wanted rationally. A method which does work, just time consuming at times?

DS is also a highly anxious kid who doesn't like anyone in his space, which at the moment is about 6ft circumference or like being touched.

OP posts:
starfish71 · 17/05/2012 07:26

I don't have experience of restraint but I personally think tutor should have backed off and let your DS calm down.

It is your home and surely your rules apply?

Louboo2245 · 17/05/2012 07:28

I work with aggressive children within a school setting, and restraining them is always a last resort. No matter how time consuming other routes are.

As a professional there are only 5 reasons you can restrain a child legally. Those are:

  • If you or others are in danger from their behaviour. *If the child themselves are in danger. *They are going to abscond *If they are or about to break the law and *Causing major disruptions for the rest of the class i.e. throwing things etc.

If DS doesn't like being touched I'm surprised his tutor went down the restraining route as this would only have made things worse surely? Hmm

Louboo2245 · 17/05/2012 07:30

Have you spoken to the tutor about a possible behaviour plan and a set plan of what to do if you DS becomes cross?

FallenCaryatid · 17/05/2012 07:31

Only people trained in restraint should be using it. But if the tutor saw imminent threat to themselves, they could argue the case. The tutor has the right to protect themselves.
Did you see what happened? Could you have intervened more effectively?
Do you need to see if there is a more compatible tutor in the pool, the tutor themselves might support you in this.

FallenCaryatid · 17/05/2012 07:32

It mighty be worth pming tethersend, she is very experienced in this field.

Original poster
devientenigma · 17/05/2012 07:37

he's coming at 9 o'clock today to chat, cards on the table are: I either do it his way or no way.

I didn't see what happened or hear what happened before all the man handling, which normally you do. I would usually help and tell him ways which work (however he has now said they are not helpful) but as he was restraining and out of my depth I let him get on with it.

OP posts:
davidsotherhalf · 17/05/2012 07:58

hi dev...my dd would have times like this, when tutors came they had to come in two's, i had to sit in next room with doors open so i could listen in just in case, when they got to know my dd they realised that they could come alone, (i always sat in same room if they had to come alone)tutor asked me to do this, as for restraint it should not have happened, they should be looking for what triggered the behaviour and avoid a re-run,
tutor will probably coming to say they have to have two tutors for your ds, lea wouldn't allow tutors in my house unless in twos, (they did come in ones sometimes without telling them) they realised the schools and lea had lied to them, and school had also played on my dd triggers for a laugh, give the tutor another chance, and put cards on the table......no restraining, etc,

Original poster
devientenigma · 17/05/2012 08:15

David's, if he isn't allowed to restrain he doesn't want to come back. He's been in over a year now and feels he's not doing his job engaging with DS. He seems old school authoritarian type.

The GP has told us to tell to have a cooling off time which would in turn give DS a break.

Normally you hear the noise from being hit off DS and didn't, the way it all happened was the tutormade all the fuss, nothing from DS iyswim.

OP posts:
davidsotherhalf · 17/05/2012 08:28

sent you a pm

saintlyjimjams · 17/05/2012 08:48

He shouldn't be restraining alone. All the pros I know who use restraint are trained to use it in pairs, and children who are likely to need restraint are funded 2:1 in environments where restraint might be needed.

saintlyjimjams · 17/05/2012 08:51

Does he fill in forms after each episode?

IME using restraint is taking pretty seriously by the professionals involved in ds1's care. I don't think he's ever been restrained (maybe once or twice a few years ago I can't remember Blush ) , although he has at times been 'physically guided' (for example couldn't get him into respite for a while, softly softly approach wasn't working so we agreed that 2 people would stand either side and march him across the threshold - he was always fine once inside it was the doorway transition he couldn't do). In that case it was discussed with me, agreed and a behavioural intervention plan drawn up which I signed.

If ds1 had to be restrained unexpectedly then I would be told about it and would have to sign a report of the incident.

starfish71 · 17/05/2012 09:24

Hope your meeting with the tutor going ok.

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission · 17/05/2012 09:43

hope it's going ok dev and you can get something agreed on a way forward.

Original poster
devientenigma · 17/05/2012 12:39

I asked the SW to be here for coming, didn't phone and ask her till 8pm last night so couldn't inform tutor beforehand. However she made up some reason to be there and that she heard of what happened yesterday. He agreed he shouldn't of done it and there are other strategies that should of been used before resorting to restraint. He agreed DS needs space and as he doesn't like being touched other strategies should of taken place first. He feels he lacks time and in turn the patience as he is accountable to get the academic stuff done with DS and because he's not engaging he is under pressure. He has agreed because DS doesn't have much learnt behaviour if we are not getting anywhere with the strategies we use, rather than de-escaltion and restraint he will just leave. Hmm He doesn't like my style of parenting but realises after 11 year I am in a better position to know what may work better than others. So will agree to disagree and met half way.

So over the last 11 year life for DS has been pretty dire, however over 2 days, yesterday and today.........I have a way forward with the home tutor, a way forward to getting DS back into respite, a way forward with more help term time and we now have our Melotonin back without the need or a pead !!! The most accomplished in all these years................the fight to this was hard but I now feel ecstatic and wrecked.

OP posts:
Original poster
devientenigma · 17/05/2012 12:39

it probably all doesn't make sense, if not just ask and thanks for answers and the thoughts xxx

OP posts:
starfish71 · 17/05/2012 15:57

Devient am glad something good is coming out of all your hard work and struggles. Probably not putting it right but hope you know what I mean!

Have a Wine, or Brew. you really deserve it :)

Ben10NeverAgain · 17/05/2012 16:02

What a great two days achievement. Well done :)

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