3y/o ds behaviour - could really do with advise

[saladsandwich]

ds as been playing up since last month, i'm not sure if its a development thing because he seems to be improving (could just be hes hitting milestones he should have 12months ago though) but his behaviour had improved over the last year, SALT say he has disorganised speech, nursery have no concerns, community paed says speech delay with social and play skills and behaviour secondary to that....

recently its almost like all the small things he use to do have been exaggerated but hes been so bad, i'm getting head butted, pinched, jumped on, climbed on, cried at, screamed at constantly, hes biting me he's biting himself. some of his little quirks are showing up more, copying full conversations from people and little rituals he has, can take 3hrs to get him to sleep. nursery aren't having any trouble at all but have done in the past.

i just dont know how to deal with it, what do i do when he head butts, i generally remove him or ignore him but in public i can't do either, he had a massive tantrum the other week back in public, the worst of it lasted well over an hour i had to detour to my friends because i was pretty much ready to either cry or scream back at him... he was refusing to walk but was going limp so i struggled to carry him, he was kicking and screaming.

i just dont know how everyone does it, it makes it worse that no one is concerned, i feel like its my parenting, im definitely made to feel that way sorry to ramble on but hes becoming impossible.

Sorry, I don't know your story - does he have a diagnosis of anything? Are you on a waiting list for anything? You mention SALT so I'm assuming you're in the 'system' in some way? Has the paed discharged you, or do you have a follow-up appointment? If so, keep notes of all the behaviour you have described in your post, and make sure you tell the paed everything. If you don't have a follow-up appointment, I would go straight back to your GP or HV and demand one.

The things you describe imho warrant more investigation and more support.

It's not helpful when nursery say they can't see problems. But please don't think it's your parenting - all of us have felt that and it isn't the case. Things you say like the copying conversations (echolalia), rituals, self-harming etc - how can these things be your parenting?

In the meantime some strategies I would use to improve his behaviour & communication:

1. Ignore anything he does which is 'inappropriate' but if it's something harmful to him or others, I would use the naughty step religiously and consistently - zero tolerance for violence. But the screaming and crying (tantrums?) - I know it's hard but ignore them completely. Show him by your actions that tantrums are not going to work. Sounds like you're doing this already at home. I know it's sometimes difficult but do it when you're out too - so what if people stare? It's only a small child having a tantrum fgs, have they got nothing better to look at? And I would find a 'naughty' step place in public too (buggy even?).

1. Go overboard on praise when he's behaving 'appropriately' (ie nicely). When he's sitting eating nicely, when he walks with you, when he does what you ask him, etc.

1. When he starts echoing things, expand the conversation. so eg he repeats a previously heard phrase. You acknowledge the phrase just once, and then immediately start expanding it into a conversation - even if it's just a monologue of your own, it's modelling chat to him. Don't respond at all if he repeats the same phrase. Re-direct him.

1. When you talk directly to him, use very simple language, no extra/superfluous words. Keep each sentance using one key word only. Don't use open-ended quesitons, but ones that give him two clear choices. Help prompt him to choose. eg Do you want red pyjamas or blue pyjamas? Repeat quesiton if needed. When he indicates what he wants, say "oh red pyjamas".

Did SALT give you any help?

I haven't used them myself but the Hanen books are well recommended.

hello, thankyou for replying, i'll try give a bit more detail, ds doesn't have a diagnosis he's been seen by a community paed twice, on the assessment he did my ds was 12 months behind in his language, social, imagintive and play skills but he thinks it is all to do with a 12 month delay in language thats put the other things behind, he says the behaviour is frustration.

SALT have said (not sure if its a diagnosis) that he has disorganised speech, i'm waiting on the report from her then the nursery are applying for a statement (new school he starts in september told me to do that) but his speech is improving he only seems to have pronunciation problems and (for me) his social speech still isn't right he will ask for a drink by saying "dink dink" but sometimes his speech as great content like today when he said "mummy look, theres blossom, theres blossom on that tree there"he repeated it a few times.

hes so hard to discipline :(, naughty step he finds funny, jumping off and running off, at home he goes behind a baby gate when hes really bad which sometmes helps other times he couldnt care. counting to 3 works with him the best for minor things not sure why???

the public tantrums are harder now because he looks about 4, and people come over trying to talk to him and he as been known to hit them especially in crowded places like on buses then he realises what hes done (i think) then becomes more distraught. yesterday we'd been shopping and he was hitting the seat right next to a lady (on the back seat) because he wanted to sit in his seat he travelled in, tv programmes he must finish watching them or he tantrums, think i will try the OTT praise again for good things, think it might help me feel better... hes just bitten me while i typed this :(