why? why? why? Mummy, why? MUMMY?

[silverfrog]

dd1 has hit the 'why' phase. of course, it is brilliant progress for her, and she is doing so well, but I am just at the sheer relentlessness of it all.

dd2 was bad, but distractable - we could eventually steer the conversation (through some interesting nugget of information or joke or simialr) off the relentless 'why', but dd1 is not to be distracted.

so, this morning, on the way to school:

dd1: why is today Thursday?
me: because yesterday was Wednesday, and Thursday comes after Wednesday
dd1: why does Thursday come after Wednesday?
me: because that is the order of the days of the week
dd1: why is that the order of the days of the week?
me: erm, well, that is how the days go - tell me the days of the week . so - yesterday was Wednesday...
dd1: we went to swimming yesterday. on Wednesday. why was yesterday Wednesday?
me:
dd1: mummy, MUMMY - why was yesterday Wednesday?

and so it goes on. for hours, it seems.

the usual ones like 'why ae we having sausages for tea?' I can cope with. but the unanswerable, circular ones are driving me insane, tbh - especially when I am bleary eyed after a restless night's sleep and can't think straight as it is...

Wow she does Why very well.

oh, once she latches onto something, she is tireless in her pursuit of perfection

seriously, though, she doesn't have the level of language for me to even begin to explain why the calendar is organised the way it is, and yet that si the question she is asking me!

how can she have such a brilliant command of 'why' (and crucially hit on the unanswerable ones), when she has a severe language disorder?!

oh zzzzz

if it is any consolation, 2 years ago, dd1 was at the totally scripted, only 2 or 3 topics of conversation stage. or reciting books/singing songs.

she is at a fab school, and they are working on increasing her conversational language. she's just at that maddening in-between bit, where she has grasped the concept (ie take the other person's sentence, and formulate the question putting 'why' at the front), but she cannot understand the answers - hence the continuing 'why' circle.

I don't want ot leave her unanswered - she is, after all, making very decent attempts at conversation. but I cannot begin to answer her question, because she most likely has no concept of what I would be saying to her - she does know the concrete things, like days of the week (and is a very good human calendar when we are on holiday/away from structured time - she always knows what day it is!), but that jsut feeds into her 'why' questions.

she always tries to run before she can walk wrt learning new skills, so she is jumping straight in at the top, and driving everyone around her mad...

it's an ABA school. hard fought for, but now seemingly secure. her second ABA school, as it happens.

she has been at ABA schools for two and a half years now, so it has been a long road with her language - lots of other things needed to be put in place alongside too, like easing her anxiety and working on her confidence etc.

it has not been a miracle cure, obviously, but she is doing really well. school are brilliant - dd1 has full time 1:1 (every child does) who works on her current targets via a mixture of 'academic' work and play, and then small group work - could be turn taking or conversation building with one other child, or OT group (she has one session a week individual OT too), or SALT group (again at least one session a week of individual, and then her SALT targets are incorporated into the rest of her day too), or hand skills group (mostly play doh stuff, but also sticking/cutting/gluing/colouring - this also works on increasing vocab, as targets such as increasing knowledge of descriptive words is focussed on, so last term she learnt 'scrunch' 'tear' 'fold' etc in this group, as well as doing the actions to increase accuracy/hand strength/whatever)

the most important thing for dd1 is that she feels comfortable - her anxiety is non-existant (at school), and so she now has space to learn. not all her energy is taken up with 'coping', so she can concentrate on thigns that interest her. she doesn't have to waste energy blocking out loads of stuff she cannot process, and so she is able to get on with her targets.

I hope you find a solution, zzzzz. I find it very hard to remember how it was for us 3/4/5 years ago (dd1 is nearly 8) - it seems (thankfully) to all have been just a hideous nightmare.

silverfrog - DS2 can do a frightening session of "why" questions as well. We must NEVER allow these two children to meet! At least, not without us having copious amounts of wine!

Oh dear!

Ds is the same. Questions that are impossible to answer.
"Why is our fridge white?"
"Why don't cats talk?"
"Why is Jonathan's mummy Jonathan's mummy?"

We've also got onto the "what happens if".
"What happens if it never stops raining?"
"What happens if you're stuck in a cupboard for ever?"
"What would happen if the telly was never switched on?"

And the worst thing is if i give the "wrong" answer. Eg the Why is J's mummy J's mummy - how could I answer that? I just said "because she is" and he got really annoyed "yes I know she is but why is she??"

ARRRGGGGHHHHH

Sometimes I know he knows the answer, and think he just likes me saying the answer (familiarity, routine?? verbal stim??). Or he doesn't really want to know why, he just doesn't quite know how to make conversation. In the same way he repeats peoples' ages over and over again.

Anyway - well done dd1

I do feel you pain.

We are at a 'what' stage, so DS asks what everything is. I cant turn it around on him yet and ask him the same question because he doesnt understand. I think he just likes to say 'what is that' - its normally a tree.

:o

A lady in the queue in Asda once said to me "Oh dear!! you have a why child!!"

I roared with laughter and said "yes, I have."

It does get better silver, Dd3 only says why about 50 times a day now instead of 500

I answer 'why' questions once around. If they start repeating themselves I stop answering or do the 'just because it does' cop out and keep repeating it. It's a battle I usually win. My DS (12) does it just to wind me up, which is a social skill I'm proud of!

oh yes, bialy - I can't give the 'wrong' answer, or say "i don't know" (which dd1 seems to think is just me fobbing her off ) - just Not Acceptable.

Voidka - I have the 'what is...' too. again, mostly in the car - so we are driving along, and all I get is 'what's that, mummy?' 'that' is going to be: a car; a fence; a gate; or traffic lights. and she asks every couple of minutes. she knows what they are - it's just her attempts at making conversation.

I had to collect ehr from school early this aftrnoon, as had a hospital appointment. so, from 1pm until bedtime there has been a constant stream of 'why' questions. I think my ears are bleeding. seriously.

they included such gems as:

'why are we waiting in the car?' (it was pouring with rain, and my bloody car window would not shut)
'why is the car window broken, mummy?'
'why can't you fix it?' ()

and then, once I had persuaded the bloody thing to work, and we are walking to the hospital entrance:

'why is it raining' (because the clouds are too full)
'why are the clouds too full' (because that is part of the water cycle)
'why is that part of the water cycle' (lenghty explanation about evaporation and precipitation)
'but why is rain wet'

oh, for a vat of wine

ha! yes, Ellen - dd1 is not above asking several questions just ot wind me up - clearly my 'exasperated' face is one she is trying to file and store for reference, as she is delighting in asking me ever-more-unanswerable questions jsut to study my reaction - such as 'whre are the people in the red car going?' (neighbours), and 'what time will the red car be back? and suchlike.

DS2 has a Dr Seuss book - (one fish two fish red fish blue fish) - and on two different pages, the rhyme calls for the reader (child) to "ask your mum" and "ask your dad". So every single time DS2 gets to those pages, he HAS to ask us and he HAS to have an answer. Everything stops until a suitably satisfactory answer has been supplied.

IE Why are fish sad and mad and glad?
AND Why are fish high and low and fast and slow?

Do you have ANY IDEA how hard it's becoming to come up with suitable answers?? He doesn't like the same answer twice, and "just because" is simply not an option.

At this rate, that book is going to become fireplace fodder.

oh yes, we have that book too....

while waiting at the hospital, dd1 was playing with an emotions app on her ipad. which was fine, and lovely - she is getting very good at identifying the emotions - and then, the questioning started...

'why is the girl sad?'
'why is the man tired?'
'why is the girl surprised?'

same thign - I can't give the same answer every time, and trying to think up novel situations and reasoning is just beyond me at times.

Dd3 made me laugh tonight after reading your thread silver

She said "How come............."

that's one I still have to look forward to...

Silver and triggles I think our three dc should meet up, it would be hysterical (in a good and bad way) and we can watch and laugh from the nearest pub

I had 20 minutes today after school pick-up of "what would happen if it never stopped raining?", "what would happen if the drains overflowed?", "what would happen if the rain kept on going up to the sky", "what would happen if we all had to live in the water"....

The conversations that ds and dd (2.6 nt) are having atm are pretty surreal too. Ds is currently obsessed with size/age, and having to win at everything, and dd copies whatever he says and does but is only 2yo so obv gets it a bit wrong. So eg

ds: look how tall my tower is mummy
dd: look mummy!
ds: yes dd but mine is bigger
dd: mine is bigger
ds: yes but mine is bigger than x's dad because he's 39 and my dad's 42
dd: i'm bigger than you
ds: no dd I'm bigger than you because I'm 5 and you're only 2!

ds: mummy why is my tower bigger than dd's?

Oh, but I've learned a lovely new way to find peace in the midst of ongoing questions from DS2. All it takes is one comment...

"Go ask Daddy."

Oh GOD bialy bigger and older are driving me NUTS at the moment. They aren't the same thing DS!!!!!!!!

silver you need to introduce the concept of 'really tricky driving'. Really tricky driving is when mummy needs to think very, very hard about what is happening so everyone has to be as quiet as a mouse. It usually happens while driving along a straight with no other traffic except 'why?' questions

DS2 has a Christmas CD in his room that he listens to all the time.. all year long.. and he sings Christmas carols any old time of year.. although much more frequently (translation - constantly!) around Christmas time.