DS getting more and more distressed about going to pre-school but asbsolutely fine when there!

[BumptiousandBustly]

DS is 4 - and has spent the last six months getting more and more distressed about going to pre-school - Today I had to peel him off me and hand him to the teacher.

BUT he is absolutely fine when he is there - and in, today apparently he was fine the second I went round the corner.

Pre-school think this means he is fine, and just trying it on, I think he is really anxious and stressed, and doesn't feel safe showing it unless I am there. He is being seen for ASD (high funcitoning) but no diagnosis yet.

I just don't know what to do - he gets upset every day about going - but I can't just stop taking him, he has to go to school in September, and how do I justify taking him out of pre-school when they say he is absolutely fine?

I also think he is bored at pre-school - part of hte possible asd is being very very bright.

Then again, when pre-school say he is fine (which I am sure he appears to be), I think, well he doesn't play with toys or other children at home, so why would he enjoy it there?

On the other hand, I really don't think it would do him or me any good to have him at home all the time, and I think he would also be bored here if he was at home all day every time.

I HATE being the one who has to take him every day and listen to him getting upset, and I really worry about what its going to be like when he starts school.

NB Pre-school think is absolutely find, adn one of the reasons the pead won't diagnose yet is that he says their reports off him are like those of a completely different child!

Any thoughts on what I should do?

How many children are in the pre-school? Is he sensitive about lots of noise and activity?
My DS was fine at pre-school as there were only 16 children. But reception at MS was very different. 2 teachers , 3 TA's and 56 kids! It was horrendous! He cried at the sight of his school uniform, by the tome we drove up to the school he was hysterical. We had to break it down for him by going into a quiet room, handing over up the TA and then I would leave. It took several weeks but by then he would be happy to trot off with the TA. We decided at this time that MS wasn't working so we applied to move him to a Special School where I have none of these issues.
The Pre-school may not be that switched on about ASD, btw.

There are about thirty children at the pre-school - but its a very high ratio of adults to children, and he was fine for hte first six months, he is now getting worse and worse weekly.

I take your point about the pre-school - they just make me feel even crapper about it all, and say things like "you just need to show him who is boss!"

my ds is the same, does yor ds say why he's upset? at the moment my ds is upset about going but not because he hates pre-school but because he wants to stay at home so he is fine when there but an absolute nightmare to actually get there.

BandB - spookily similar situation here - the only thing that has worked (a bit) here is a sticker book at school which he gets a sticker in if he doesn't have a tantrum on the way to school. Not that this really tackled the underlying problems but we have seen a big improvement in behaviour. Do you/ can you spend 10 mins or so with him when you get there? This has helped with my DS too - stopped him just going off to wherever the other children weren't and staring into space - and his school also think he's OK

Tbh, it doesnt sound like the preschool are being very helpful.

I hope the havent actually said "you need to show him who is boss!!".

Some children with ASD behave completely differently when the are out of the home/family environment. They can either become very passive or very aggressive. It is possible your Ds is becoming passive and keeping his head down.

How do you get on with his key worker?? I think you should ask to see his development profile and his learning journey. If the preschool is ofsted registeres he should have both. You particularly need to look at the Personal, Social and Emotional development areas. If they are saying that he is able to socialise and play with other children ask to see some observations to back this up.

I had years of preschool and school staff not backing me up with proffs and it ended up taking till Dd3 was 9 to get her dx of ASD.

I hope some of that helps.

Good luck

Ask them how do they know he is fine? What indicates 'fine' to them?

I suspect not making a fuss, indicates 'fine' to them. Not making a fuss, doesnt indicate 'fine'.

What experience/training of ASD do they have?

Ask for someone who does have experience/training ie specialises in ASD to go into nursery and observe him being 'fine'

claw4 - how do i get someone who has experiance in ASD to go into the nursery? I also suspect that "fine" means no fuss!

I need a life - they did actually say "you need to show him who is boss!" - also "we change things all the time here, and he is fine!" - absolutely right about no diagnosis because they won't back me up!

skidd - tried the star chart - worked for two days! - DS does go off and play - I just think he is playing alongside rather than with!

Imogen - he is still at pre-school and starting reception in september - I am trying to find a new pre-school for him, but they are all full at the mo (because who moves their child a term before they start school!)

I am also REALLY worried about when he starts school - because I think it will be even worse (no fuss at school, but desperately unhappy and showing it at home)

Saladsandwich - we have asked him, he mainly says - that its too long, and he is sad (I think he is also bored), but despite being EXTREMELY verbal, he can't communicate these things!

Most areas have an ASD advisory teacher, school can refer. They will probably tell you your ds needs a dx to refer, but thats rubbish suspecting ASD is good enough for a referral. You could even contact ASD advisory yourself and self refer. ASD advisory are not experts, but they do tend to have some knowledge or experience and its a start and probably the 'quickest' response you are likely to get.

You could also ask for EP to assess/observe.

Also ask your Paed for a referal to an ASD specialist. In my area these are usually specialist SALTs or based in devlopmental centre. Referals take a while.