1st session with home tutor, DS won't come downstairs.

[starfish71]

Finally after 4 months DS is getting some home tuition starting today, DS is really stressed and anxious, he is stating that he is not going to talk to anyone and is now upstairs in bed.

I hate this horrible anxiety that is stopping DS from doing anything.

been there done that.....holding your hand through this.....how old is your ds? home tutors are used to these situations... it might take a few visits from them to help relax your ds... mostly they just talk and get to know dc on first few visits and plan some fun activities, educational based games etc...shhh don't tell him they are educational. sounds silly but try hand massage to relax him, use some hand cream or body butter....sorry can't be of any more help...sending u both hugs

Thank you for the hand holding, am a wreck.

DS is 13, have told him he can just come down for a few minutes then go back upstairs, but he won't come out of the room.

Am going to try to see if he let me do the hand massage..

Have taken some food up to him and told him I am going to try a hand massage in a few minutes. He isn't dressed just in pyjamas but I am not stressing about that.

Tutor due at 1. Suppose he has seen it all before?

tutors told me they had a teen pupil for 2 years, they would go to his house 3 times a week and only ever saw him once.....they won't pull out no matter how long it takes to relax your ds...

Well he has been and gone. DS stayed in his room, tutor sat on the stairs talking to him , drew a couple of sketched while talking to DS and left it for him to see after he went.

Apparently he is not the official tutor but a pupil support officer who works with the child as well as a tutor who will come and see DS soon. DS did answer some of the questions and think he made him laugh a bit. Progress.

Ooh am all a bit worn out now!

It is exhausting isn't it, but sounds like they had the right approach and results were positive. The tiny tiny steps are so hard are't they, when we just want them to be alright quickly.

We do hand and feet massages too, and if DS does come down to see someone, hiding under a blanket until he feels he can come out helps, though he is only ten (mind you I imagine he will still be under it at 13 too).

Thanks for support, really ridiculous but I am completely shattered. Can't wait to go to bed tonight.

Feel the chap that came out today was really on the ball and understood the difficulties that DS has. Fingers crossed its a tiny step in the right direction. Next step SEN panel on Thursday! Lets hope they have all the relevant people there this time! (EP wasn't present last time so has to go back to panel again this week, aarrgh!)

Had same problem with DS. Tutor used to take him for a walk somedays or on other days would do 15 minutes and then take him for a walk. It's about building trust.

I really hope this works, slow and steady is going to be key. DS is very anxious tonight and snappy, wish I could make it better for him.

Would be fantastic if he would agree to go for a walk in the future.

Slowly, slowly is the only way to do it. Sounds like the chap today had the right idea, didn't get in his face, sense of humour, left something for him to look at afterwards. DS will learn that this situation/ person is not theatening and will hopefully engage a bit more with time. Just to say there may be some retreating in future if he gets pushed beyond his comfort zone but so long as tutors go at his pace and are sensitive he will make progress.