Can I have a little rant.

[Voidka]

DS is in a lovely school with a lovely 1:1 and is getting on really well.

But every time I see the HT he always makes me feel bad about the fact DS has to be changed at school, saying things like 'TA goes above and beyond what is expect of her' in a really pointed way. This morning he asked me if DS was any nearer to being toilet trained. I said no and he said 'Good job TA doesnt have a problem with the dirty jobs' and then laughed in a 'I'm pretending its a joke'

I know I should be happy and I am, but it is really annoying.

does your ds have a statement? if so, are toileting needs written into the statement?

there is no 'above and beyond' when it come sot looking after the personal hygiene of a vulnerable child with disabilities. it is part of the job. if the TA doesn't like it, then the TA can always get another job (I know it wasn't the TA complainning to you) - presumably the job was outlined fully to her when she applied for it? presumably your ds' needs have always been known to the school?

it is not your, or yor ds' problem. I would be annoyed in your shoes, too (dd1 was turned away from a preschool for not being anywhere near toilet trained - we couldn't be arsed to fight it on DDA, as our view was if they didn't want her, then we didn't want to send her there, but it still made us that they thought they could get away with it)

This must be quite upsetting for you. In special schools changing continence pads is very common. You could get some advice from the continence nurse or your paediatrician and take it in to show the HT or TA to prove that it is part of the SN and not your fault. You could chat to the TA informally and see where this is coming from or you could just grin and bear this prejudice.

Is the TA a good TA?

Perhaps the HT wants to use her elsewhere but won't fund it easy ti give your DS to another cheaper TA!?

She is a brilliant TA. She has done a fantastic job with DH and has such a rapport with him.

I dont think its prejudice. It reminds me of when DH does the hoovering and he makes a massive deal over it like he needs a medal and a sainthood iyswim.

It does irk me though :o

I don't have the same issues as you Vodka but ds2 has a range of needs that makes him quite a handful, which his teacher, who is otherwise lovely, was pointing out to me the other day. I couldn't resist saying 'yes it must be a hard 6 hours for you, because I live with him all the time, so I do know how difficult it can be'. Hopefully the TA uses here experience to relate to you.