I have wondered for a little while if ds1 is on the autistic spectrum or has AS. Ds2's issues were far more pressing and ds1 seemed to be managing so we let him be. I look at the Asperger's descriptions and he fits some of the criteria and not others. For example, he doesn't seem to be bothered about physical touch and he was always good at bringing things to show me. But he doesn't make eye contact much, he can do some pretty impressive monologues about stuff that he's obsessed with (currently Pokemon), he has various mild sensory issues like having to wear 'soft' trousers, he can take my instructions very literally and is terribly pedantic in conversation. At times he's had some nervous tics, he has food sensitivities, toilet trained late and still has enuresis (which we thought was over but has recently returned). He can get very angry in certain situations and the 'Explosive Child' book has been very helpful but we still need to work on some issues. In fact he's also been to a psychologist with regards to anxiety, at first, and then anger. She used CBT and it seemed to make a difference. He always grumbled about going to sessions but was quite good at working through the activities with her.
The main thing at the moment (which I may actually have mentioned here before, a few years ago) is problems in the realm of fault, accidents and intent. If someone accidentally hurts him, he attributes intent to them. But in the reverse situation, if he does something by accident, he can get very angry if anyone suggests the accident was his 'fault' and that he should accept responsibility. It's as if by accepting responsibility he is accepting intent too.
Also if I say we are going to do something, and then an unforseen event changes my plans, he thinks I was lying in the first place - even if I could not have anticipated the change of plans.
On and off, he's had problems with being bullied and fitting in at school. He's not very good at changing his behaviour for the sake of fitting in. When he was younger he would often come home and say 'no one would play with me at lunchtime' when further questioning revealed that actually it's because they were all playing a certain game and he wanted to play another one. He doesn't seem to acknowledge that if he changed his plans and joined in with their game, he would have had lots of people playing with him.
Anyway, these are just a few examples. As I said before, I've suspected he might be on the spectrum but thought he was coping and I didn't want to fix what was working. Recently he hasn't been coping so well and I wonder if having a diagnosis will help (a) the immediate family to understand where he is coming from and (b) possibly give us access to more services and support.
I suppose I'm wondering if other mumsnetters have children who were diagnosed 'late'. So much of the information seems to be about early diagnosis and intervention. But at 3 or 4 yrs old it would have been hard to pick up many differences between him and other kids.
I'm also wondering how to broach this subject with dh, who is far more suspicious of labels than I am. I would love to find a story about a child with Aspergers and e-mail it to him, saying, 'look, don't you think this child sounds a lot like ds1?' So far I haven't found one that quite matches, although many of the stories on the internet have bits that seem very familiar.
Anyway, if people on here have comments or suggestions I would love to read them. (I'm not up to date as I haven't been on mumsnet for a while. I used to post about ds2 quite a bit. He has epilepsy and sensory processing disorder. Thankfully, he's thriving at the moment.)
Thanks in advance