Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Flip

Original poster

Do ASD children feel 'different' and does it bother them??

24 replies

mrsbaffled · 03/05/2012 22:11

Sorry for the random question!

It's been provoked by DS (nearly 8) coming home from school and announcing that his friends think he's weird. He seemed bothered by it. But I couldn't get any more out of him like if anything had happened in particular that day.

I have some concerns about DS (we know he has SPLD and fine motor problems as well as sensory issues and eye tracking problems), but the paed discounted ASD very very quickly when we saw her, perhaps rashly??

Hypothetically, would he be concerned that others see him as odd if he were on the spectrum? Or does that concern rule ASD out? Normally he doesn't really care what others think.

OP posts:

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 03/05/2012 22:16

I think it's entirely down to the individual child. My DS2 with ASD knows he's different, but couldn't care less at the moment, aged 12. I think that makes him quite lucky, in a way. Others care very much and can be very upset, while others don't know.

Usual answer, there is no single answer.

slacklucy · 03/05/2012 22:50

my ds2 knows he's different but only in that he realises he gets help at school & he cannot do everything the others can do.
I'm not sure how much he dislikes being "different" but he dislikes the attention he gets.
He is very very sensitive, extremely shy & rarely speaks openly his bigest fear is attention or questioning aimed at him.
So even another child asking why a teacher is helping him or why he doesnt have to do the same work can completly ruin his day.
Beyond that he really isnt botheres. Certainly at home he is happy just to be him

lisad123 · 04/05/2012 00:17

My dd1 knows she's different and knows she reacts very differently to the other kids to situations. She also says that children with autism have a different tone to their voices when she heard them

IndigoBell · 04/05/2012 06:47

My DS identifies with a number of people who describe it like they feel they're on the wrong planet. They feel like an alien in human society.

This is how he feels, and yes it bothers him very much.

He believes he's different. And he wants to be normal.

claw4 · 04/05/2012 07:25

Bit from my ds's psychotherapist report "ds is increasiny feeling he is different to his peers and this has an impact on his sense of identity and confidence"

Its not so much that he cares about what others think of him, to do that would require him to see things from another point of view.

For him its more to do with how he views himself iyswim. He has a sense of an 'ideal self' and is his own judge. He compares himself to others, not from their point of view, but from his own.

claw4 · 04/05/2012 07:26

Indigobell, ds has described himself as an alien before.

AmberLeaf · 04/05/2012 07:29

Mine does.

He knows hes not the same as others and he at times hates having ASD.

Sometimes hes more positive about it though.

AmberLeaf · 04/05/2012 07:30

Yes he also 'identifies' as an alien too! he could tell you the name of the planet he comes from....

siblingrivalry · 04/05/2012 07:31

DD is 11-she often says she feels different;she absolutely hates it and will go to huge lengths to avoid standing out. She has AS by the way.

HecateTrivia · 04/05/2012 07:36

Depends on the child.

My two both have autism. My eldest is now aware of it and it upsets him sometimes. He wants to be like his peers. He wants to do what they do and have the life they have. It upsets him when the other boys don't want to be his partner in pe and things like that. He says it hurts his feelings. But he also loves his 'interests' (aka obsessions ) and gets genuine pleasure from his phrases and questions etc. I think more than anything, if he could articulate it he'd say it - he wants people to like him for who he IS and accept him just the way he is. Weirdness and all.

My youngest, otoh, doesn't know and doesn't care. He is the more severely autistic of the two and he hasn't got a clue. He just lives in his own version of the world and is as happy as larry.

I worry less about him than I do about my eldest.

sazale · 04/05/2012 07:46

My dd 13 won't/can't talk about how she feels about things. She's had a very recent diagnosis. She has always enjoyed being different and prefers to be different. She also lives in her own little world and is oblivious to what others think and she believes that it's not her that has problems/difficulties, it's everyone else, bless her x

Triggles · 04/05/2012 08:06

DS2 is 5yo and doesn't know at all. I am loathe to burst his happy bubble. I don't know if he would understand if we explained ASD to him anyway at this point. It's something I'm really dreading tbh.

Ineedalife · 04/05/2012 08:30

My Dd3 is like sazale's, as far as she is concerned she is perfect, it is everyone else who is odd.

She is just starting to realise that not everybody thinks like her and we and several others are desperately trying to teach her to talk about how she feels about this.

Most of the time i dont think she really cares about how she fits into the world, i think that will come later as she gets older. She is 9 by the way.

Original poster

mrsbaffled · 04/05/2012 08:56

Thanks, all. Very interesting reading x

OP posts:

propercheesed · 04/05/2012 10:53

Erm I'm not sure I qualify to answer this question(son poss ASD?) but, DS almost 7, has been telling me for the past 12 months that he is 'different' but can't tell me what he means, so I am presuming he knows that something isn't quite right but isn't sure what...or he just can't find the words to explain it.

GiveTheAnarchistACigarette · 04/05/2012 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlyingFig · 04/05/2012 12:25

DS is 6 and I think he's just starting to realise, which I think is coinciding with an increase in his anxiety at school. When I leave him in the yard he'll stand on the outside of a group looking in and he has such a confused look on his face; he knows he'd quite like to approach them but doesn't really know what to do or say. Plus the others in his class are coming on emotionally and socially in leaps and bounds and yet DS is still crying over what his peers consider 'trivial' things, so I'm certain he's picking up on this.

We don't have an ASD diagnosis of yet but I have spoke to his about his disabilities that we do know about and how they affect him as opposed to his peers. After the conversation he piped up "So, I have distabilities but I'm, not de-stabled?"

He's quite quick to label others as selfish though when he doesn't get his own way!

coppertop · 04/05/2012 12:39

Ds1 (11) knows that he is different to other children but it doesn't seem to bother him. It helps that several of teachers have commented that him being different to his classmates is a very good thing and that he isn't to change. :)

Ds2 (9) feels different and is happy to be himself. He doesn't like it when people say that he's weird but he doesn't want to be like other people.

jandymaccomesback · 04/05/2012 13:08

"He doesn't like it when people say that he's weird but he doesn't want to be like other people"
My DS says he first knew he was different in Reception. He is 17 now and would still say what coppertops DS says.
He has recently been very badly treated by so-called neurotypicals and I think he'd say AS is the way to go.

wraith · 06/05/2012 03:43

as an adult with it its not so much different as out of place for myself

less like an alien but more if you put a modern day person in victorian london

its not understanding the game

troutpout · 06/05/2012 12:23

Ds does feel different I suppose .. It doesnt sound like your boy does though? ... More that he's annoyed that others think it. It's not the same is it.
Like Wraith said... Ds feels different coz he doesn't get the rules of the game.
Ds doesn't care what others think ...even if he was able to see himself from another's point of view.

Original poster

mrsbaffled · 06/05/2012 14:57

He says he feels weird too.... Still not got to the bottom of it, though :/

OP posts:

Penneyanne · 06/05/2012 15:10

My ds also knows he is different and yes it does bother him-wishes he was like his peers etc. As someone else said, his view is from his own perspective not from others. He would also be very reluctant to 'give up' his special interests/obsessions though-he enjoys these far too much!

SilkStalkings · 06/05/2012 20:51

People with Aspergers can be very emotionally literate about themselves and perceptive when it comes to their own lives. My DS wasn't just obsessed with Astroboy at age 4, he really connected with the idea of being a robot with a boy's body. He's 7 now and I think he does feel different, he's definitely mentioned his weird brain before.

Flip