Round two meeting with governors

[coff33pot]

Got a call to say HT arranging a meeting with the governors and can I attend tomorrow morning.

What happens in these meetings? is it like the meet I just had with school because if she says he wont cope in MS a third time in one week I dont think I can play so calm.

Its supposed to be about my letter to them about illegal exclusion (he wouldnt write) but does it mean she can sit there and pick us to bits all over again. I thought if the letter went to the Chair then it would be the govenors that would contact me for a meeting and not the HT.

Got docs in morning first I am going to look a right state after blubbering at him for anti ds :(

Hope it went well, coff33. Not holding my breath, though.

ohhh thank you for the support I could feel you all with me at the meeting :)

I handled it better than I thought. I think the utter bawling at the doctors for an hour actually did have some benefit. DH came and after he said he couldnt believe how calm and calculated I was lol.

When it was our turn and I did record the fact that I only received on days notice as the whole meeting was minuted.

Handed out my bullet points which did take the HT back a bit as she went red and sat further back in her chair when I handed them round.

she read out the details of the exclusion day and contradicted herself by saying nothing they were trying was helping but in the same breath saying when she took him to her room he automatically calmed down and was fine. (you dont say he was out of the noise of the class you silly berk) The TA had been in tears and sent home and DS was distressed and worried that she had gone home and so she felt it necessary to exclude him so he could think and reflect on the state of the TA.

I told them straight that I wasnt aware of any of these details as the only info I was given was that he was refusing to complete tasks required and it resulted in bad behaviour. That it was agreed exclusion is not a policy there were going to follow due to DS not actually "getting it" and even if I knew of the TAs tears once removed from school as far as DS is concerned he is on a different planet and that was ages ago. In any respect he was both ill and on high overload being demanded to comply with writing which he cannot do. That they brought on the bad behaviour by escalating matters on insisting he comply and teaching him in a full class that he cannot cope with due to his dxs.

Went through every one and yes I was advised this meeting is re exclusion but I followed back with that the constant refusal of the school meeting his needs is what has created his behaviour and so it is relevant :)

The chair did tell me if I didnt know he was actively involved with DS needs from day one of him coming here. So I politely said then you must be actively aware that his behaviour and stress is getting worse and aware that his needs are not being met.

Jury is out and I await the verdict.

Blimey, you are really good at this, coff33! I would have been the gibbering and crying wreck you were at the doctor. Even if nothing comes of it, at least everyone now knows how they have been failing your DS. I'd better get off on the school run, catch you later.

Ho Coff, I have just seen this whole thread as missed it yesterday.
It sounds like you were very well prepared and that you handled it well.

I do hope that the Governors aren't to cosy with the HT as your last comment about the chair being actively involved with DS's needs is telling. I bet they won't want to damn themselves as well. (Sorry I still have my cynical head on from dealing with our LEA.)

I hope so much that this may mean that the tide begins to change for you.
- you'll need it and I thought it might be too early for just yet.

good on you coff33 for holding it together. I'm so glad you could put your points to them and handed out the bullet points. good move.

glad HT went red. shame on her.

Oooh, I LOVE the handing out paperwork effect! I can see it now.

Coff, sounds like you managed it well. Sadly, even if you become skilled at these things it doesn't mean you always get anywhere.

Well done, it sounds like you were very cool, calm and collected. And that you made sure you said everything you needed to - I think that is so important, there's nothing more frustrating than realising afterwards you should have said xyz.

I hope it makes a real difference to the support they give ds.

And have a very well deserved (or few) tonight

Well done! Staying calm is not my strong point, so I know how hard that must have been.
Here's hoping they give HT a bollocking.

Well I hope they do give her a bollocking but like DH said at least you had a chance to tell the school how DS was being failed. DH bless him spoke up to close off in summary which took me by total surprise.

Telling them that they had but me through hell and back and that I had done all the work for the statement they wanted, researched and gave print offs when they didnt know how to help him with an issue, that we had to fight closed doors and inexperienced proffessionals and put DS through every assessment going because without it school wouldnt help. That he was at the very first meeting with the HT and heard all the promises of what funding will bring only to find 14 months even though the funding was rec'd and a ta applied but nothing in the statement provided for other than laptop work. That his son shouldnt be excluded for a failure to understand his needs and provide the training for their staff to help him.

I WAS GOBSMACKED

DH said they now have been well and truly put in their place and they wont forget me in a hurry.

On a much better note :) I went to docs and got my happy pills! It was with the GP who helped me get DS to london. He wanted to know exactly what they did. I told him the whole process and that they do in two days what parents wait years for. Told him that please if he gets a parent in with doubts send them there and not our camhs even if he does it under the guise that it is cheaper in the long run and more cost efficient.

He asked how and so I told him that each assessement down here ie connors, ados, adi, ep, salt, ot are individual expenditures on the PCT the waiting times are horrendous and so the stress for the parents would cause GP appointments and visits which is more expense, medications for depressed parents and the aftermath of putting a family back together afterwards when marriages split, counselling costs, social services costs. Add to that the detremental effect that a child has lost his entire chance at correct education for years and if dx is eventually made the lack of experience and provision in cornwal means the families are left in limbo, need I say more.

Compare it with the cost of two days cost of assessments and the parents walk out knowing if their children or not have issues have a report and a proffessionally advised care plan, would cut cost and cut down the amount of mental health issues and worry to families.

He actually agreed! and said he is going to advise all GPs in the practice of my recommendation :)

Your DH is awesome! Can I borrow him? And you've single-handedly disseminated good practice to your whole GP surgery! Way to go!

In fact both you and your DH are awesome

Your ds is so lucky to have you as his mum

(although have to ask about one thing: what's a professionally advised care plan - never seen one of those from anyone we've encountered so far )

Sounds like a very satisfying day!

Brilliant that you managed to persuade your GP to quite sending future parents on a journey of fannying around. And regardless of whether you make things better at school for your DS, I can't imagine I not being at least a little better for the children behind.

You should be really proud of yourself.

Also, word will get out to the next placement (who you say at least hunk you're mildly sensible) that they'd better do things by the book and keep you involved etc.

Well done to you both. Hope the ADs work now and give you a bit of a blood pressure rest.

for your DH. He deserved it.

You are both fab! You have done a brave thing and done your son proud. You should really be proud of yourselves for sticking up for your child.

I know we have to do this, but it doesn't make the gut-wrenching nightmare of it any easier.

Well done!

bialy I am expecting my reports on friday what they say you have is a full detailed report on each assess connors, sensory, ados, adi (autism diagnostic interview) and developement and well being report (dawba) which took me 9 hours to complete and that is also clinically rated. The dawba has been found to be 98% accurate in diagnosis in clinical trials when matched against all other diagostic tools. Reports from each view from the Proff himself, the clinical psych, doctor, OT infact each individual person you would have depending on what issues you are concerned about as they ask you if there is anything else that concerns you and will assess for it whilst you are there. Everyone fills a report of their own views and its summarised by the proff. They give you a condensed version with the recommendations and simplified for la, school, etc for statement and in this one the care plan goes I think advising them on what courses everyone must attend, who to call in. Wether MS or SS is best and the reasons why etc etc. You also get a list of advice on where to go and who to contact and books to read and because there is nothing much in my area said they will keep me updated of any courses they are having and I am invited to go there :)

I think what I am going to do after I have a well earned chill. Is list the costs of having each assessment done separately, somehow find out how much it costs for individual OT, SALT etc all on NHS and then match it with what it costs to do this one and all job. Then when I got facts I may put forward a letter to the GP to back up what I am saying.

Something good has got to come out of all this.

Star you would have been tickled pink when I handed out the paper work. I went in with ALL DS reports in a carrier bag so I looked like I knew what I was doiing lol and to lure them into false security that I obviously had enough proof to sink a ship (I do but hey)

I had printed off excerpts of the links that Agnes found for me and highlighted the main areas and layed them on the top AFTER slowly. Then I handed out the bullet points and off I went haha!

oh and on the way out I looked the HT in the eye and shook her hand

Then I went and shook like hell LOL

Coffee, you did brilliantly and your dh too, great teamwork!
And then more fantastic work with the gp- you're on a roll. Keep it up but have some well-deserved first.

Sounds fab coff

I remember the shaking afterwards thing. I HAD forgotten actually as I don't do it now. These meetings seemed to become my life for a while. Having said that I've not done one for a while so I may be back to shaking.

So what happens now then?

Well they thanked us for coming and the HT was told to hang around for a few minutes (she left the room the same time as us though). No news when I went to pick up DS at end of day so I am assuming I will hear something tomorrow.

It was on Friday and of course bank hols today. I would assume i will have minutes tomorrow at least. I was going to give them 7 days then hit them again for an answer. I think I gave them quite a bit of food for thought even though they said it was to do with exclusion because I told them his behaviour will keep on happening as long as they do not act on the statement provision.

Got another bloody meeting on Friday with ANOTHER EP that they have called in. I have pointed out he has had two already. I am tempted to say forget it I dont want him assessed anymore. Both he and I have had enough tbh and if they are not going to do anything now they are hardly going to listen to a third EP unless she is there to wangle a report in their favour (horrible when you become so suspicious). I dont see the point. Just as well wait till he goes over to Juniors. Plus another child could use the EP for what its worth seeing as the school dont read or listen........

BTW when I say behaviour he isnt being excluded for violence just plain old hiding in cupboards, loos and end of playing fields oh and not writing.

Wtf?

Why 3 EPs?

I woukd be tempted to refuse tbh saying that it is unsettling and unnecessary, particularly given the evidence already that they consider an EP's recommendations irrelevant and won't act on them.

Are they just going through as many as hey can to find the best one to justify their behaviour?

Seriously consider cancelling.

Well this woman misteriously appeared "to support me and school" in the two month meet to get the statement rolling........never met her.

Then when i emailed LA and LA arranged meet, school brought her in again. Second meet this week she was there and said she had made arrangements to assess DS next Friday and so could I come in lunchtime.

Now I know LA said perhaps we should do a review of his statement which in all fairness they would have to to take in recent dx report. 2 EP reports were one February and one Sept for statement.

Maybe they need another as it would be out of date???

I dont know I think they have enough really. Think I will tell school tomorrow to cancel and keep him off on friday just incase they decide to go ahead anyway.

DS has already spent all day crying and hitting himself today which I have never seen him do before so I dont think its going to be a good morning.

I woukd definitely cancel, but keep the lunchtime appointment or alternatively a written dialogue to ask her wtf she is doing and why? (politely)

When you know, you can then decide whether it is in your Ds' best interest to agree.

She should be asking if she can assess, not telling you.

The hope in the situation is that a) she has told you in advance of her visit and b) she has asked to see you.

But I still think you are entitled to know what she is likely to add that hasn't occurred before.

You could even suggest that the school are having trouble meeting the requirements and recommendations already made so you don't want to add any more pressure or confusion, so let's give the school a chance first!?

That last sentence makes sense. She was at the last meeting I had so is well aware that school are doing nothing. I am just scared that she will back up the HT comment of him not coping in MS even though the proffs said that isnt the case.

I am not daft as I have ruffled feathers in all directions so it is expected that they try another low hit for me to catch quick.

I should have DS london report by friday so I want to drag it out till I see all thats in there.

Well he's NOT coping in THAT MS is he?

The one that refuses to adapt and follow recommendations. The one that could meet his needs fully until some kind of sinister spell was put on him by maudsley and turned him disabled............