DS friend's mother tells me never to speak to her

[SOTIRIA]

My DS was asked to a birthday party by his friend so I asked the mother nicely if the invite was correct. However she said it was a mistake. Some days later she shouted at me never to speak to her again and accused me of being rude to her about the party invite. I am finding the play dates and playground parents really hard to cope with. You'd think some would have some compassion. Any coping strategies?

I dont understand, why did you think there had been a mistake with the invite, do you usually ask if its correct each time you get an invite? perhaps she thought you were being rude by you saying "youve made a mistake inviting my child?" iyswim

NEVER look at the bitch mother again!

Always have long phone conversation when ready to pick ds up so no talking/shouting or eye contact can be done!

Have MP3 player on loud if not mobile. Have a good book to read as other option.
But ALWAYS head up and smiling at Other Parents...to show to OPs that it is OP that is being rude etc!
If she attacks you again I would consider getting solicitor letter to warn her of injunction if tries it again! You have plenty of wittnesses in a playground!

Thank you. Seaofyou I think a book or phone conversation are good ideas.

The child invited my son verbally so when i didn't get a written invite I asked the mum if he really was invited or if it was a mistake. He does have friends at school but doesn't get party invites or play dates very much. I know others have worse situations at school but it hurts doesn't it?

Yes it does hurt but to be honest you and your ds have had a lucky escape from the madwoman.

DS starts inviting everyone he meets from the postman to the people in school to his "party" and he starts this on his 3 month countdown lol

So its normal to me to check and confirm that the verbal invite is infact a true invite and not just excited children talk.

do you have voice recorder on your mobile or video...record her next time and go to police!
They will caution her.
You will be fine just blank her...she doesn't exist ok:)

I know that her DS plays with mine at school and that he wanted to have my DS at the party. Even the class teacher said that she was surprised that he didn't get an invite. My DS has hit a different child at school. The mother of this boy has screamed at me in the yard that she will complain to the governors about my DS. It has been bad but has improved recently. However, these 2 women are v good friends so I guess that she didn't allow her DS to invite mine to the party in order to please her friend and now it's convenient with each other that they have both fallen out with me. Both their boys play with mine in school. The kids don't have a prejudice but they will soon as their mothers will teach them that it's ok to treat SEN children or their parents without compassion or even fairness.

The next time a mother screams at you in the schoolyard that she is going to complain, stay calm. In a low calm voice say "please do because my son is needing more support in school and it will help the school to recognise it" And walk away. Leave her steaming on the spot. From then on ignore her completely.

I dont DO playground chat at all and I dont tolerate the "morning" with the watery they really have a bout of wind smiles Cant stand the place.

I had an issue with another mum in the playground in yr1. Her brat dd decided that my ds was going to be her boyfriend, my ds had never had such persistent focused attention from another child and so when she decided he wasn't her bf anymore and wouldn't even talk to him - he was devastated and got quite upset. This child then started saying my ds was pushing her and he was scared of him - the bitch mum was in to the school saying he was obsessed which the HT then repeated to me. Red mist descended I had a go at the HT for using such language and pointed out the dozens of examples of children becoming upset that other dc's didn't want to play them. I was lucky that my LSA and other playground staff said the girl was lying and my ds hadn't touched her. Every morning I'd watch this child smile at my ds and then as soon as he responded run to the bitch mother screaming like she'd been stabbed and endured a few months of her whispering to another moron mum about my ds. One day - provoked by lack of sleep with a young baby I watched this girl do her norm of screaming I stood next to the bitch mum I loudly called my ds and said - "don't go near her if she's going to behave like that" gave my ds a kiss and sent him on his way. Bitch mum didn't open her big mouth and utter a loud mouth syllabil, and now tries to make conversation which I refuse to have with her. I've found since that other dp dislike her and the HT can't wait until she's out of the school, because she's always complaining.
Fight fire with fire, get into that playground hold your head up, don't hide away you and your ds have done nothing wrong. Your ds has every right to be there as do you and your ds works 100 times harder than all these other dc to get through his day - goodluck

I can't believe that people, apparently adults, really really act like this . I'm so sorry.

My son's favourite song at the moment is a "country boy can survive" by Hank Willias Jr. The chorus goes:-

"We say Grace and we say Ma'aam, & if they don't like it we don't give a damn!".

You have manners and dignity, the other parent is clearly lacking in both, making her clearly unsuitable to be mixing with decent folk such as yourself . Hold your head up high, & try to discreetly avoid any interactions with her ignorant self.

Headphones, a good book, a fascinating magazine article, or even your knitting or crochet as your well-mannered Granny would have done are all succesful avoidance techniques. Think of "Little Britain's" "I' m a laaady sketches", to amuse yourself if she tries again to feel small or think of her with her skirt hitched up in her knickers with a loo roll tail in order if you absolutely have to speak to her on occasion. (I find visualising daft stuff like this helps me cultivate a suitably distainful smirk on the outside when inside I'm bricking it in situations where rude people get in my face like this)

Some people are just pig ignorant and it's a condition for which there is no known cure, don't let it grind you down.

My youngest ds (ADHD and ASD) in year one is very tactile and there is another child (undx but prob will be dx with ASD at some point) who is not and always screams or hits or kicks at anyone who even breathes in her direction.

My ds hasn't a clue why she does this to him so he makes things up as a reason although there is no reason. I was kind of talking to this parent at the time and explained that he doesn't know why and gave her an example of one of the resons he came up with.

The real reason is that her DD is tactile defensive - however this parent really doesn't get that and thinks someone must be causing her daughter to react the way she does.

School seem to understand this is the case though and are dealing with it.
However said parent decided to screech at me in front of other parents "to keep my child in line" - hello he is at school when this happens and it's not his fault the way her child is.

I was never one for chatting at the school gates anyway but now just ignore this parent completely - however it wasn't a great experience, so know how you feel. Stay strong what goes around and all that!!

Hi Bochead
I like the sound of imagining her with skirt hitched up and toilet roll trailing. Very funny......think this will help a lot.

Wasuup and Frizcat, I find that SOME parents seem to be blind to their own children's faults. As they grow up I think these kids will think that they can behave any way they like and don't have to submit to their parents, follow rules, comply with their boss or even obey the law. These children will suffer in the long run.

Our short term pain will be our children's long term gain.

Exactly SOT - these are the ones running around saying my dc this and my dc that - I usually find that the dc are little sods. For instance the wee brat girl that was so mean to my ds has a BFF. Now, I am friendly with the BFFs mum, and just last week she confided that she was worried because the brat child would not ALLOW her to play with anyone else. I sympathised and smiled inwardly and thought my ds might need some help but he's a lovely caring wee thing. The bitch mum of course is completely ignorant of this.

The worm will turn for you as more parents come out of the wood work and express their dislike for this pair of riff raff ninnies

This mother has now complained to school about my DS being mean. When it was investigated it turned out that he'd whispered, Oh dear, to this boy during class. The class teacher says it's being blown out of all proportion but it's certainly having an impact on our family.

How awful for you it has made me feel quite ill on your behalf what a terrible situation. I had something similar in DD's previous school no-one would talk to me in the playground they were all so clicky and I was so paranoid that they were all talking about my DD and her dreadful behaviour. It got to a point that I asked to collect DD early from school and from a different entrance so I would not have to congregate with all the others.
We are now at a different school and I was fortunate that there is a lovely Mum who befriended me and it gave me the confidence to chat to other mums too. There are some that ignore but that's ok. I also joined the PTA and that meant there are more Mums I can chat too.
These Mums sound utterly vile and incredibly bullying I would complain to HT is it acceptable that parents are screaming abuse in the playground? HT should be asking them to drop kids off at a seperate entrance

"now it's convenient with each other that they have both fallen out with me."

bet you've hit the nail on the head there Sotiria.

Play the long game. Who matters? Which relationships matter?

kids playing together at school matters
party invites probably don't matter (I know it hurts though)
your relationship with the staff matters hugely.
other mother is unimportant. her compliant to the school won't have won her any friends.

don't get angry, don't threaten,etc,etc.
re having phone in playground, do you have a fancy phone that would allow you to post on this board in real time if you were tempted to respond to nasty mother?

Any Head Teacher worth their salt will have clocked this type pretty quickly. When my DS was at primary, I regularly had to deal with a mum like this (who in my opinion had issues of her own, never mind her DS). It seemed that any incident at school in which her son was involved seemed to be my DS's fault. She would regularly march to HT office to complain about my DS. It was virtually always her DSs fault, so she got short shrift from HT ( i heard that on one occassion he spotted her coming and hid under the desk, whilst instructing secretary to say he was out!!!)
Getting little satisfaction out of school staff, she took to following me home and stopping me in the street. SHe once turned up at my house and knocked on my door. I told her straight that if she had an issue with something at school, then to speak to the school about it - turns out she already had, and they had treated her with the contempt she deserved. School were horrified when I told them she had been to my house to complain about something which her son was clearly responsible for.
I was so relieved when her DS did not get into the same Secondary school as my DS. Her DS's troubles (with an over indulgent mother and his own poor behaviour) continued at his secondary school and I was just so glad she could no longer blame my DS!
I know its hard, but IGNORE,IGNORE IGNORE. Hopefully she will get bored with it and the 'decent' mums will see her for who she really is.

Just to add, it was my DS who was diagnosed with SN and not hers!!!

Sorry to jump in but wow i actually feel like im not the only 1 whose kids dont get invited to anything, my kids dont get invited to partys or play dates, my neighbours will have big bbq's and partys hire bouncy castles out the works and invite every kid on the estate except mine, and it really really gets me wound up even more when my kids are sat there in tears cause noone will play with them, oh and dont even go there about the so called mums in playgrounds, all im going to say is, iv not been on time to school now in over a year on a morning it can be anything up to 15mins late and im always the last 1 in/out of the school at hometime. that way i compleatly avoid the lot of em,

Xxx - your neighbour sounds like a shit. Get yourself a catapult and burst the bouncy castle . My work here is done...

Hi Bigbluebus I can't believe that someone actually came to your house to complain about things at school. That is surely classed as harassment by the police. Of course we aren't allowed to make a fuss as this will make our situations worse.

XXX I agree with Frizzcat. That is a terrible thing to invite all local children to a bbq and miss out yours. It is prejudice and discrimination and unfortunately it is widespread and there is little being done about it as yet.

Lingle - My Ds does have playmates at school and you're right about this being more important than parties. I like the idea of posting on this site in the playground instead of lassoing her with my handbag and wrestling her to the ground...but then again....

I would do both lol and give us a photo

ooops!

Wow! What awful behaviour on her part! I think there has been some good advice given. If all else fails, slap the b*tch

My ds never gets party invites either. He got one in reception year, which he couldn't make and one this year from the child of someone I knew. He rarely gets party invites from family either.
I once had a mother get really assy with me when her dd said hello to my ds and my ds got shy and hid. He was 4 years old fgs!
I don't converse with parents in the playground and haven't done so in three years. They don't attempt it and that is just fine with me. I'm amazed that I'm not the only one who hates the playground!