Need to Vent

[AmIthatbad]

...I am so frustrated and angry.

ExP has deigned to see DD this weekend, and when I passed on her request to know what they would be doing - she needs to know exactly what she will be doing EVERY day or else she gets extremely upset - he got arsey.

Anyway, he has now said that whenever she is with him, she is fine and nowhere near as "disabled" as I would like to make out.

I am speechless. He hasn't a fucking clue, only seeing her a couple of times a year, and now trying to say that I am pretending that my lovely, wonderful DD, who has ASD, Learning Disabilities and an ability level much younger than her years is something that she is not.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the downright ignorance of the stupid bastard.

laugh at his pig headed ignorance :)

If he wont tell her where she is going or what they are doing and she has a hissy fit and wont go it will be his own fault then wont it. What a muppet.

He's just succeeding in winding you up. And maybe a bit of his ego is dented, he doesn't want to think he has a DD who's 'disabled.' So it must be your fault. He sounds like he's still in the playground himself.

I hope your DD has a nice time anyway. Sod's law she'll behave really well.

Definitely laugh at the arsehole ExP, obviously having so much input into dd's life he is infinitely more experienced than you, I dare say that if he was presented with a pencil he'd assume he was really clever too?!
Enjoy the break ignore him, feel smug that you are rid of him - the only time this should be a cause for concern or upset if your dd starts coming back anxious or stressed and therefore impacting her life

Hi am i I agree with what the others have said and wanted to add that when Dd1 used to have contact visits with her dad she used to behave in a similar way to how she was at school. She seemed to be able to hold it together when she was with him and then explode when she came home.

We never managed to get a dx for her, she is 23 now but i am pretty sure she has aspergers. Dd3 has a dx of ASD and i have learned a lot about the way Dd1 behaved through Dd3. Iyswim.

I think it is all to do with them feeling safe at home and it is only at home that they are completly themselves. What i am trying to say is that your Dd probably is different for her dad but its because she is not totally relaxed and "at home" around him.

Hope some of that helps.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. Have calmed down a bit now, as I just remind myself why we split

My concern was more for her, as I know how to head off any upset or distress and hate the thought of her being unhappy or confused.

Anyway, she is gone now and I have the very, very rare opportunity to do something, so putting on some make up and meeting my friend for late lunch and afternoon drinks :-)

Good for you am i, hope you have a nice afternoon..

You worry about her because you are a good mum, i used to get really stressed about contact visits especially whe ex was always late and Dd1 would be going bonkers.

And he used to think it was ok to give her a really late lunch and then she wouldnt need any tea. Uuuhhh, doesnt work with kids with ASD at all. Pillock.

Funny enough i saw him this am at Granddaughters birthday. Wierd.