Help with behaviour Aspergers

[lisani2003]

I have pondered about this for too long and need to get this out and hope somebody can help me to work out what to do.

My son is 8 and has Aspergers. He is very sociable as in he likes to go and play with a bunch of other children down the road aged between 5 and 8. Last summer we had no issues at all, apart from tale telling but this spring I have had reports of him scratching other children in the face when he gets angry and also he stood on another 8 year olds chest a bit too over zealously. He has also thrown things (a doll and a ball) over a wall into the hospital grounds whcih is not easily accessible and he swears that this is becasue other kids told him too and despite me telling him not to - he is still doing it becasue others tell him to.

The upshot is - I don't think he is in any way that my child who would hurt anyone in a pre-meditated fashion and I do think that any physical agression he displays is down to 1) getting over excited while playing (the chest treading) and 2) frustration at not knowing how to express himself when others are nasty to him (face scratching) - I know that this child was vile to him and excluded ONLY him from a game - however, this does not excuse his behaviour. i also think he does things to keep friends - even though they are not really being a friend getting him into trouble !

I am at a loss what to do - He gets so upset if I tell him he cannot go and play with them and the vast majority of the time I can see him and he is playing OK. He is now banned from two of the kids' gardens becasue of what he has done.

Has anyone any experience of anything similar and if so how did you deal with it ? I have thought about supeervising his play but then that would annoy him as I don't have all day to stand out with him as I have another younger son - help !!!!!

Hi, I don't have any advice here as I have a daughter and son who both have AS, but they are both very placid. I have however observed my ds (9) on at least 2 occasions over the last year kicking and pummelling another child when he has been pushed beyond endurance. I remove him from the situation and the said child never bothers him again.

This post will at least serve as a bump for someone else who can offer some advice.

Hello, We have the same probs at the moment. My DS 6(7 in a few wks) does not get aggressive(unless at school) but he does not seem to notice when people are taking the piss really, take for instance our garden backs onto another 2 gardens there are children around his age living in both of the houses behind and they always insist on dropping things over the fence for DS to run and fetch for them, as soon as he has sat down to carry on playing with his lego they do it again(laughing at him as they do)...and again...and again, it drives me knuts because he gets angry at me when I try to point out what they are doing or tell him to ignore or come in and why?? because they are his friends!

One afternoon he spent 15 mins repeating the word lellow(yellow) because he was making one of his "friends" happy(laughing at him). Another afternoon he spent ages chasing a group of children up and down the street sobbing his heart out because he could not keep up (they where running away from him on purpose for a laugh) but he is just oblivious to what they are doing, and of course when I feel the need to intervein I am being horrible because I am taking him away from his friends.

Now I don't feel I can not leave him unsupervised which isn't going to help in the long run (mum always watching) so I am pretty much in the same boat as you.

Also in the club, i'm in a slightly better position where i have an older son too and DS2 can only go out of sight if they are together, DS1 for the most part is happy to be the 'minder' he also gets plenty time away from DS2.

We are really struggling with the whole people not being nice are not friends, it's not helped by the school, i will be watching with interest.

Thanks very much for the replies and it is sad to see that a few of you are in the same boat - it is heartbreaking to see our kids being used in other kids' nasty games. I am so glad this is no longer happening in school - him being encouraged to do 'bad things' by nasty kids - we changed his school last year to a far more autism inclusive mainstream school and he is so much happier there and any of the kids seem to be encouraging vulnerable children are dealt with. But like everyone, I cannot be with him 24/7 when he is playing and I don't want to ban him from going to play down the street as it is not all the kids who are causing problems :(