What consequence??

[marymary1000]

ds is 9 not dx, but has many traits of aspergers.

Since going back to school last week has had a few meltdowns that I put down to the change and tiredness.

This morning when it came to turning off the laptop before school ( which a treat that he had earned, maybe more fool me) he screamed at me that I was an 'axxxhole' and was ruining his life, now I'd given him a 5 minute warning and a 2 minute warning, and he has never ever used language like this at me before.

He said dh always called him that when i wasn't there which I know is rubbish, dh in spain working at the mo so I called ds bluff and called dh told him what he had said and handed over the phone. ds came off phone exceptionally apologetic and admitted that he had lied.

Now we were 10 minutes before school, we spoke about consequences and agreed to sort it out after school. Again not great although I imagine he will have forgotten about it until he sees me later.

I have now been spitting feathers since 9 and need some constructive advice on the consequence. I feel like lobbing the laptop out the window, banning all tv and friend visits for a month and no match of the day comic for a month for the extra lies he told and sticking him in his room for the night.

Realistically I plan to talk to him about how hurtful stuff like that is and although it makes him better to shout at me it makes me feel rubbish even after he leaves for school,

We go back to no computer or tv before school
Do we go round his mates tonight as planned or not?
Extra consequence for lying??

Someone help me let this go!!!

Yep, it's full on pretty much all of the time. I think that's what makes it so exhausting.

Picking this up again, after a tricky week with ds waking up with the hump most days and generally acting like a teenager, I think on the walk to school this morning | may have found the reason for the upset.

Today the new head introduces her new behaviour policy, based on the old policy ds thinks that he will now spend most of his time in at playtime doing detention and he is panicking. He shouts out in class and whereas before you got warning after warning, now its one warning then 15 minutes, another warning half and hour and a third warning an hour.

Our walk to school is five minutes and in that time we have finally got the problem out and in perspective, he thinks its dreadfully unfair that the teachers have the audacity to punish him for calling out when the punishment for punching or pushing or being nasty is the same. Now if I'm honest I kind of get that too, but have just explained that they are the rules, and when he gets his first warning he has an opportunity to zip it and not get another.

Also apparently on mondays he has recorders and 'hates' the teacher so today he asked seeing as the weekend was ruined by the rubbish weather why don't we just not go in and go and do something nice instead,,,mmmmm tempting!!!

MaryMary congratulations on getting to the bottom of the behaviour. Its hard isn't it?

Does your son have an IEP even though you don't have a dx? I ask because one of DS's targets at the beginning of the year was to learn to put his hand up and not call out and learn when it was appropriate to call out. He was never punished for this and they worked really hard with him to the extent that this year, with this teacher, he rarely does it.
(My qualification is because transferring behaviours to other situations is hard and this may all go out of the window at high school in September) .

There has been some great advice about how to approach different behaviours and punish only when it is a wilful disobedience. I do try to do this and the way it has been explained is so much more eloquent than I could manage - its just a case of constantly reminding myself to take a step back and think about what caused the behaviour - so this is a good reminder to me to do so.