so how are all these borderline kids doing with their social skills nowadays?

[lingle]

hello old namechanged friends and new,

I noted recently that DS2 (6.7) often has a good interaction with a peer but then a less successful one when we follow up.

I realised that DS2 usually wants to carry on playing the same game/listening to the same new song/trying out an unfamiliar physical activity for far longer than the typical child.

Also, just as he has figured out the rules of a game amonst the children in the street, the game moves on.

Two weeks ago he managed to persuade his bf to answer quiz questions about DS2's fave. topic - space. I was really impressed that DS2 figured out how keep the other child on board by being hugely encouraging when the child guessed (and it was guessing) correctly. DS2 even pretended not to know some answers and congratulated his friend on winning.

cool! I thought. but then friend came again the following week and of course Ds2 thought friend would be happy to play exactly the same game again. When friend didn't want to, DS2 gave him a choice between space game and space video! and was most indignant that poor friend didn't want to do either!

Two steps forward, one step back!!!

Hey ho, he knows we love him and his main friendship in his year-group appears to have survived a rocky patch.

anyone experiencing similar?

I'm stil recovering from the complaints for crimes against his bottom DS has made cos I replaced the loo seat DS at Easter (3 weeks ago) DS is making to his teachers a week into term lol!

I am soooo sick of pokemon that I'd like to pokeit somewhere rude!

On the hand DS has finally worked out what the point of his social skills group is, so is making huge strides forward in the playground atm. He's just grasping "gossip" so is repeating to me all sorts of funny stories on the wak home from school nowadays like a proper fishwife.

"On the hand DS has finally worked out what the point of his social skills group is, so is making huge strides forward in the playground atm."

ooh wonderful. that's really great. I'm popping in to talk about DS2's social skills group tomorrow, will be interested to hear what they really do.

I wouldn't say DS2 can gossip yet but when he had friendship troubles he said that "A has broken up with B and Z is about to break up with me." So he's obviously aware of a lot of the dynamics in the playground.

Sadly, he is hero-worshipping the ultra-cool boy, to the extent of copying that boy's answers in class. The cool boy, of course, barely recognises his existence. Ah well, twas ever thus, but now we have different names for these phenomena :)

saw your recent thread by the way bochead about having friends, and identified strongly with being sick and tired of being sick and tired.....

I reckon that if they have age-appropriate friendships (or one in DS2's case) it doesn't tell you whether they do or do not "have ASD": But what it does tell you is that their ASD traits are not managing to dominate their lives.

It means that in one important sense we're winning.

Ds seems to have made a bit of progress after watching a film the other day, where a sea creature is the boys best friend. Ds commented that he wished he had a best friend like that, as he doesnt have any friends, as his 'friends' are not very nice to him.

Progress in as much as for the first time ever he has recognised what makes a good friend and what doesnt. (we have been working on this at home)

that does sound very encouraging claw4 in a no-way-past-it-except-through-it sort of way.

I bet you felt like going out and buying a golden retriever puppy for him that day..... :)

Lingle, he already has one, well not a puppy, but a golden retriever dog! He is his best friend, he talks to him and the dog talks back too!

We also seem to have a bit of 'love' theme going on in school at the moment, lots of boys and girls are 'boyfriend and girlfriend' and ds is confused by the whole thing. He says he has '86 girlfriends' im not sure if they are aware that they are his 'girlfriends' though. So it seems any girl who is slightly nice to ds or talks to him, automatically becomes his girlfriend. This seems to causing the boys and even some of the girls to become quite hostile towards ds.

My DS (AS) had a bf in infant school who is probably undiagnosed AS. Anyway they were into the same things Dr Who, dinosaurs, pokemon, lego, general little boy revolting stuff. They move to Jnr School together. Then the whole dynamics changed. For the next 3 yrs DS kept insisting that this child was his bf, but couldn't understand why he didn't get invited to parties, outings or to tea anymore. The kid had moved on, and it took DS to Year 6 for the penny to drop that this child wasn't a good or a kind friend. Heartbreakingly hard lesson, but he now understands that you have to not single out one person, and to be friends with a cross section of people. He is coping marginally better in Sec Sch yr 7.

Ds1 is doing amazingly well atm

He had had friends round several times, he has been to 2 friends houses for a play/to eat and is considering joining cubs

He is still into routine at home (which is ok) and got a bit upset this morning when I mentioned throwing his 2 year old PJ bottoms in the bin as they had ripped at the knees AGAIN! Sigh.

One thing at a time...

DS has a dx but his social skills are not doing that well tbh. Still not prepared to invite anyone home and has never had a playdate invite from anyone at school (he's in Y2).

However he is OK in organised clubs just to get on with it. He doesn't socialise in an NT way and is a bit like lingle's DS that he wants to play the same pretend shooting game with the same boy at beavers every time. Yesterday we went to an ASD group for the first time. Only 4 boys (no girls) all aged about 9 except for him and they were happy to play next to each other on the wii, then he went and scooted around for an hour while they played cricket. TBH at the moment he is happy and if he doesn't want to socialise one on one, that is OK at the moment.

Social skills group at school - still my bugbear. Still not one. Will save that battle for another time....

how lovely to have dog. I wish my brother would get one.

Do you think your DS made that progress because the film was reflecting a powerful experience from his own life?

DS2 was howling with laughter about a "toddler-friendly" book about a hide and seek game between Daft Duck, Silly Goose and Clever Fox. He has been playing hide-and-seek better and better over the last year so finally the idea of silly goose thinking fox couldn't see him when in fact his sticking-out bottom gave the game away was emotionally meaningful to Ds2. It was nice that he realised that clever fox was tricking the stupid animals. The only bit he didn't get was that grizzly bear, when he rescued the animals from clever fox, had realised that clever fox was lying

"For the next 3 yrs DS kept insisting that this child was his bf, but couldn't understand why he didn't get invited to parties, outings or to tea anymore. "

that makes hard reading I can remember being a bit like that at 12-13-14 .
We had this with older brother DS1, though at a younger age. friend let him go at the beginning of reception and he was still asking "when are James and I going to see each other?" at the end of year 2 - still clueless.

How brilliant is it that your DS eventually learnt that lesson though? Ds1 did too - very independent now and very much sought after as a friend in year 4.

It's a bit shit really isn't it. But what's worse is that I am the one who is SO BLOODY SUSPICIOUS of other kids motives re. being DS1's friend, as he is like an overgrown puppy and grateful for the attention. Sigh....

I think so Lingle, he has a strong affection for all animals, i think he finds them easier to relate to too, very simply emotions either happy or sad. Always pleased to see him and interact with him too.

We also used animals, one of ds's favourite topics, to illustrate what makes a suitable friend for example Lions and Tigers, meaning quite bossy and loud, mice more quiet and shy, dogs loyal and friendly kind of thing and what charteristics ds would like in a friend. He choose a dog like human friend, im not sure if that was for the right reasons, but it was the right choice for him i think.

Dd3 has a friend she has known since playgroup they are very close. Every time we go round to their house Dd3 wants to play the same game.

Luckily we dont get chance to go to often but her friend who is nt is very tolerant of Dd3 and lets Dd3 dominate the game. It is not ideal but the friend is lovely and really gets Dd3, even down to explaining jokes to her.

We dont really do home playdates because Dd3's room is full of playmobil and that is strictly off limits to friends.

I often pick other dc's up and take them to the park or ice skating or somthing. This seems to work best, away from Dd3's territory.

She has a dx of ASD btw so not technically borderline.

lingle just going to read rest of thread but your op struck home with me and my ds2 (4 years) who's fav topic is space in detail too.

"fav topic is space in detail "

and nowt wrong with that mamamaiasaura :). Have you taken him to the National Space Centre in Leicester yet? I hope you are feeling ok. Even if he is a bit unbalanced in his sensory processing, his slight differences may well turn out to be strengths in the end - this has happened with my DS1 who started life with a very serious language delay.

DS2 had a lovely time at neighbours today, playing with a girl a year younger. He is compatible with her but quite status aware so tends to pretend he is playing with the (older) boys.

It all went a bit pear-shaped during a game of trampoline dodgeball when no-one wanted DS2 to keep explaining the rules (a problem kids used to have with my brother too which led directly to bullying so I stamp on that one hard and always tell him it's boring for other people).

That was, however, after 4 hours together, quite a bit of it even without big brother there, so I can definitely chalk today up as a success.