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DS is poss. dyspraxic , poss. other traits too..problems with getting him to school

6 replies

earthtomummy · 10/02/2006 13:16

He has recently started being upset when I leave him at pre-school (he's 5 in May). From the minute he wakes up he constantly asks me if his friend, L, will be at school. He asks again and again and if I say no, or I don't know, he cries and screams lots and says he won't go to school. When we get there we usually arrive a bit earlier than L and DS cries and fidgets and asks where L is constantly. His classmates try to be kind but he tells them that they are not his friends and turns his back on them, crying. Until L arrives he sobs and says he wants to come home and be with me. His teacher has started giving him a small object to hold in his hand to occupy him, I guess. She gets his cushion, which helps him sit more still on the carpet and if L comes he stops crying. If he doesn't he howls and I go and he stops after a few mins. apparently.

He was doing this before but recently he had been a lot better - not constantly asking re. L and twice didn't cry when L wasn't there. I handle it by reassuring him, and saying that he will be okay without L and manages really well when he doesn't come. I also reward him when I hear he hasn't cried or because he's stopped crying - stickers etc. How would you handle this behaviour?

I'm finding it difficult and distressing and wearing. Is this unusual, this almost obssession with one friend to the exclusion of others. He plays alongside others okay. Do you think it sounds Asperger-y. Could this all be part of dyspraxia?

We are seeing the paed. soon and Inclusion Support are assessing at the mo. I'm just finding it all a bit disheartening right now, when I see all his peers achieving things at school and parents being told lots of positive things and I usu. get told how he sat well on his cushion or something like that - I know that's ggod, but I just can't help wishing life was easier for him. Sorry to go on.

OP posts:
jenk1 · 10/02/2006 17:26

Dont know what to suggest, my DS is thought to be AS but i dont think he was like this.

Is it just L that he will play with and have you asked him the reason why?
Sorry cant be much more help

LIZS · 10/02/2006 17:43

ds has suspected dyspraxic traits but hasn't been clingy in this way. He is a stickler for routine though. Sounds as if the distraction item is the way to go but he needs to agree to it rather than having it imposed. Has anything happened while L wasn't there that may have upset him and made him more dependent. Does L being there "solve" the issue or is it hard on him too ? tbh it sounds like a separation anxiety issue rather than necessarily a dyspraxic or other disorder in itself.

macwoozy · 10/02/2006 18:08

My ds who has HFA also seems to be obsessed with another boy at school, his behaviour at school can seriously be effected by whether they'd been friends or not on any particular day. After being in the same class for reception, the school decided to split them in year 1, they did take it seriously. I can't fathom out this relationship, most of the time they are at each others throats, and yet my ds seems to totally besotted with him. Very strange. The school have used the same strategies that they're using with your ds, the cushion, something to hold etc, calms my ds down a bit.

Davros · 10/02/2006 20:55

Hmmmm, I thought AS when I read your first post. My sister who has AS has always been rather obsessed with one person at a time. Not quite to this extent as far as I know, but she's 48 now! Would it be possible to use some sort of scheduling thing? Pictures maybe. But just to say this is what is happening and what if L isn't there.... what happens? I don't know, not a very formed idea.... or social stories?

jenk1 · 10/02/2006 21:52

Ha- forgot about me at school, i have AS!!!!

Yes i did get very upset when my best friend wasnt in, when she was ill so was i,- well not really but id fake illness, i couldnt cope with school when she wasnt in as she sheilded me from a lot of cruel jibes and comments and i used to go to pieces when she wasnt there.

I hated school and i suppose this is the way i got through it looking back now i suppose i was obsessed with her, glad to say not any more though now we have a pretty normal friendship!!!

sphil · 10/02/2006 23:45

DS1 is a little like this in that he is particularly bonded to one friend, waits for him before they go into school and sometimes says he can't play with other children because he 'has to play with G'. He once said 'if G isn't in school I slump to the ground with sadness'(!) I always thought it was because he lacks confidence with other children and this boy (who he's known since they were babies) is super-confident in that way. Could that be the case with your son?

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