PDA and homework. Advice?

[themightyfandango]

My 11 yr DS has a variety of dxd and non dxd SEN. He is dyslexic and ASD/ADHD has been discussed by school and Camhs but not officially diagnosed. He has a younger sibling who does have a diagnosis.

He moved to a small independent school in January due to not coping at his state school. He has overall made a lot of progress since moving and most of the time is much happier.

However homework is a massive battle. He is very demand avoidant and requests often send him into meltdown resulting in avoidance tactics ranging from imaginative but silly excuses 'i can't do it because I have a tropical disease and my head has fallen off' to full on agression and nastiness.

His new school does have higher expectations about hw than his old school but have been very flexible so far. Both myself and his teacher feel his refusal to do hw needs to improve before high school in September.

He just can't seem to accept he has to do something he doesn't want to do. I always help and even offer to type up work or scribe for him but most of the time (unless you catch him in a v rare mood) he would rather argue and avoid all night rather that do something that would have taken 15 mins.

Sanctions seem to make no difference as all he cares about is not having to do the task and will happily go without xbox for a week if it means avoiding homework.

Any advice gratefully received. I worry that I am making a big issue out of it but equally worry I am giving the wrong message by letting it slide.

Homework can be difficult as in schoolwork should be for schooltime to a child with ASD's thinking - is there any homework clubs at school where he could do it or an after school club at school where he could do it.

I think there is at the senior school which might work better. There isn't a hw club at the junior school. Unless a few kids were doing it, it might feel like detention and I am trying to put a positive slant on it!

Have you read this book, my ds age 4 (dx of ASD) is extremely demand avoidant, I've recently got this book and it's a real eye opener, we have started implementing some of the strategies both at home and preschool, and we are slowly seeing some results...

www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-Pathological-Avoidance-Syndrome-Children/dp/1849050740/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1335096730&sr=1-1-spell

Hope this link works, mine never seem to on this site or some reason.

Thanks baboos. I will check that out. I read The Explosive Child book which was a good read and very much described my younger DS but the techniques don't alway work with the eldest.

I nearly started a homework thread this morning.

Dd3 has a dx of ASD she is very strong willed and hates homework with a passion.

She had some maths today and she really didnt want to do it. She has done some of it now but it is really poor quality.

I wish there was a homework club at her school in fact i might ask for one.

I was shocked at how good her work was on parents evening because what she produces at home is pretty rough and is all done in 20 seconds.

This is something that crops up quite often on this board, i hope you get some good advice.

You could try doing a google search for "dyslexia homework" and take a look at the advice there. My son has dyslexia and some ASD traits and we have incredible battles including work being ripped up and the computer being punched. I don't think we realise just how incredibly difficult it is for them.

My daughter is the same ineedalife she did a 5 week homework history project in 3 hours the night before it was due in.

Just to add that my ds will be at his most avoidant when he feels he is also under time pressure alongside the demand itself. For example... timers would send him into complete panic, he would be visable scared and will be very aggressive.

We now keep any instructions and time constrainst to an absolute minimum and try giving choices, this way he feels in control of the situation. So maybe give him a choice of what time/which room/who with, he want's to do his homework...

Do read the book though... especially if demand avoidance is one of the main issues.

I agree about timers, we cannot use time as an incentive for Dd3 either. It makes her panic.

I have been lucky with her new school, i said to them from the start that i try not to get involved because of the friction it causes and to be fair to them they seem happy to except whatever she does.

Thanks for all the further advice. It's good to know it's not just us. I agree about time constraints, I try not to set deadlines and be flexible as possible.

I tend to give countdowns too I.e after lunch we are going to look at your hw, then, we have had lunch lets get the books on the table etc...He often agrees with good humour until the task is upon us then bang! It's like the pressure is too much.

I have ordered the book mentioned, I might pass it on to his teacher too if it is helpful.

We have managed to get tomorrows letter writing homework done finally. I scribed it in rough for him then typed it up as he read it out. It's taken the most part of the day though, I don't know how we will cope with 40 minutes worth per day at senior school. I think I can kiss my evenings goodbye!

No advice, I'm afraid. Only empathy. DS1 is 8 and often ends up bringing home classwork because he's refused it for one of many reasons. If it's not too easy (it often actually is) it's "too hard" (when it's stuff he's been able to do for years) or he doesn't know what to do (but he's not going to accept any help). His behaviour when he's set against doing the work is very much like your DS's.

He refused his literacy for 2 days, this week - did none of the planning. After a monumentally dire Wednesday afternoon at school and a start to Thursday which led to his 1:1 deciding against even taking him into the class for literacy, he asked me what he'd missed, on Thursday evening, then did his "big write" on Friday morning.

Taking the pressure off can often work wonders with him. Don't know how easy to swallow your DS's school would find this idea, mind!

They are actually very good at understanding why he is like this, far better than his previous school. I think because they are non selective independent they are not under the same pressures as the state which in turn is less pressure for DS.

DS also says everything is too hard, that was the problem with todays hw. It's not too hard in reality but it is like the fear takes over all rationality. He is generally a sensitive , over anxious type of boy.

It's difficult because on one level myself and his teacher are happy making accomdations for him (partly because not doing results in escalating meltdown, depression and self harm) but we are acutly aware that life in general is not as forgiving. Being a grown up for the most part means doing things you might not want to do with good grace and because you need to hold down a job and get along in life.

Wish I had a crysal ball, maybe he will get there in the end.