Why do I get so cross about the word "autistic"

[frizzcat]

Okay cross is not the word more like bristle. I "bristle" when someone calls my ds "an autistic child" or talks about him as "they". No one child is the same as another and so Id rather he was referred to by his name rather than an effing label, I'm not in denial or ashamed but I don't go round saying to red heads "well you know you have a ginger child" just makes angry

Oh i so hear you!! winds the hell out of me!!

I think it can be down to the way it's said.

If someone refers to ds1 'as a child who has autism', it never bothers me as much as if they say 'ds1 is autistic'.

I suppose its because ,although having autism is part of who he is - it's not the whole story and it feels like they are reducing who he is to his disability, rather than seeing him as a whole person, iyswim.

When I first joined MNSN I remember people making the distinction between the two ways of saying things and thinking it would never bother me, but somehow along the way it has started to. I just didn't get it then, in the same way as most children who don't have a child who has a disability don't when they are referring to ds1. In which case I have to consciously try not to let it bother me, as in most cases the negative connotation/intention is not there. People just don't consider the meaning behind the words. Iyswim.

My very nice actually new midwife today asked me if Ds had spastic legs

star what did you say?

It bothers me too, but I rarely hear it said without good intentions and intentions are more important than words.

I was having a number of 'other' issues with her at the time so didn't want to add another.

increasingly medical researchers are asked to use 'people-first language' (i.e. 'children with autism' or 'patients with diabetes' instead of 'autistic children' or 'diabetics') when they write up their research

it's for exactly the reasons you describe, and it is quite right that this should be encouraged

Star! Sounds like she is in need of some serious awareness training!

I get it from family though and not because they don't care or have any negative intention. For example, my sister will say "My nephew is autistic." rather than "My nephew has autism." Her dh, his brother and both his parents have AS, so she doesn't see having AS as a bad thing, yet she has never thought about the best way to phrase things, to her she is just stating a fact.

A very senior oncology nurse once referred to my daughter as 'a luekemic'

I doubt she ever uttered that fucking phrase again.

I call my niece autistic because that's how my SIL - her mum - prefers it. (afaic sil is God wrt to her children. Their behaviour doesn't bother me, trying to look after them in the way sil would raises my blood pressure)

Everyone else is "A Person With..." "A Person Who Has..."

You wouldn't say "Dot's a breast cancer" or "Malc's a dementia" so why should Geri be an autistic?

Haha, xpost MrsDV

I still hear the odd 'Downs child' and 'autistic'.
WHY would anyone think that was ok?

I can understand people not being sure about 'he is autistic' v 'he has autism' etc because a lot of people dont care either way.

But calling someone by their condition? Who thinks that is ok mainly medics

I've known a significant minority of people with AS refer to themselves as Aspies, however I see that as a choice the same as dp identifying as Black. Dniece is nonverbal/echolalic and lacks the awareness to self-identify, so her, mum does it for her. In all other cases, it's person - description, only governed by the rules of grammar (black man, child with Downs Syndrome) although being black and the racism he's faced is a pretty major part of dp's personality

I dont know if is the word autistic or the fact that because the dx is recent I am getting the "he is....................................autistic" or he has..................................autism"

Its the sympathetic LONG pause before they bloody spit it out that grates on my nerves and that he isnt a HE. HE has a name

Its like for goodness sake spit it out will ya!

I prefer x has autism to x is autistic but it depends on the context as to whether I take offence or not.

A lovely, kind, sympathetic person could describe dn as an artist and I wouldn't bat an eyelid. An ignorant fucker can be as delicate as spider Web and I'd want to lamp them one

Artist? Even autocorrect finds the word autist offensive!!!

For me saying DS has a dx of AS is better as it separates him from the condition. I'm not in denial either, but just like to let folk know that he is who he is.

I never know whether to explain it to them because hiw will they ever know. I've had another mum say to me oh such and a such has a problem child too! I felt the need to step in and take that one head on. I had another my
Tell her children that my ds was "special" - her intention was good because she was trying to help her children understand why ds was the way he is. I worked hard to swallow the fire of verbal abuse and significant violence and gently explained how I feel she should explain it.
I have also become quite angry and those in the public eye making jokes or glib comments about ASD. I love QI and watched in horror as Stephen Fry described a scientist as being extremely clever but he wouldn't trust him to sit the right way on a toilet. I was angry at the comment but incensed that the man suffers from bi-polar and so knows what it feels like to be so othered by the rest if the world - I actually considered writing to him to tell him what I thought! That obnoxious arse Matthew Wright is on my hit list too, but that would mean a brain transplant to penetrate that skull.

Maybe I need to develop a thicker skin - can I get one of eBay?

Btw the scientist was on the spectrum

I would have been angry at that from Stephen Fry as well frizzcat. I think he's big on tweeting isn't he. I wonder if a well timed tweet would have been more effective than writing to him?

Can't do twitter I've tried just don't get it - wonder of he's on FB. Also thought a letter might better convey ours and our dc's struggle with acceptance and equality

Me too. Mind you, I don't do FB either.

I reckon he'd probably respond to a well written letter.

My sons.first name begins with A. So I am sure in the future he will be known as autistic A.....

He also has red hair.

Cool - shall we get you some boxing gloves so you can deal with morons?