is any one else a single mum with a daughter having behavioural problems at school ?

[cheltenhamgal]

Please help all you mners I could really use a friendly ear, my 6yr DD seems to have a problem "sharing" the adult in any given situation. Her dad left 3yrs ago and since then I have had problems with her. I have just got back from her parents evening and the teacher has told me that academically she is superb but she has a couple of behaviour issues. She always interrupts if another child has the teachers attention, she will not do as asked by any adult in authority. She still has temper tantrums if she can't get her own way. Am I being too harsh in thinking that at 6 she shouldn't be having these ? The school is going to put her on the special needs register which has frightened the life out of me so they can moniter her. As if I don't feel guilty enough that her dad left, and I am now having to sell the house or be made bankrupt, I'm not sure I can deal with this now. Is anyone else in a similar situation ? :~(

sorry should have put daughter/son

I'm really not sure, as haven't been in this situation before so not sure what to compare it with. Academically she is off the scale for her age, reading, writing, maths etc so it is just behavioural, tantrums, wont do as an adult asks and if in a group situation always trying to get the adults attention, even if I am talking to my mum or sister she trys to get my attenion, I have tried quite a few things none of which seem to be working, thanks for your reply Bethron it is appreciated

You may want to look at this website:-

www.youngminds.org.uk/behaviour

If you google "behavioural problems" you will find lots of websites detailing same.

Do not be too worried about the special needs register; they will probably put her on School Action and do role plays with her re behaviour. Its a good thing, at least school are trying to do something. I know of someone with behavioural problems and school are completely not interested.
Talk further with the school and ask what they are going to do.

Actually behavioural problems can occur in young children so its not all that unusual. Its no bad reflection on you as a parent but I would suggest you read the above and seek professional help in temrs of counselling for your daughter and yourself.

She is very angry at the world, small wonder therefore she lashes out. She in all likelihood blames you for her Dad leaving and perhaps even feels its her fault that the two of you parted.

hi cheltenhamgal. I don't have any advice i'm afraid as I've no experience of this, but just wanted to say, sorry about giving you a hard time on the other thread when you mentioned this briefly. :(

I have concerns about my dd starting school (i know, it's a way off yet, she's 2.6) because I've been a SAHM single mum, (though I'm afraid of the opposite to your problem - that she will retreat into her shell. When i started school i stayed under the table for the first couple of terms, teachers thought i should see a child psychiatrist but my parents didn't bother! Perhaps my life would've been very different if they had! ) but i'm making every effort now to make sure she has lots of opportunities to see other children, learn about sharing, gain confidence in bigger settings, etc. All that sort of thing may help your dd too even at this stage. I think starting school is an absolutely horrifying experience for children and it isn't any wonder when any one of them has difficulties!

I also frequently hear about very bright children having behavioural difficulties, apparently this is because their brain works faster than they can handle physically iykwim so they get frustrated and can't keep up with themselves. Perhaps your dd is particularly gifted and this is just adding to her behavioural issues and issues with her dad, etc.

Good luck anyway, hope things are still ok. btw on the other thread for some reason i got the impression your dd was a lot older, in her teens or something! I think it was to do with the mention of her academic abilities (the way you worded it), although i did think the Gold star Award or whatever it was was odd for a teenager! . it's shocking the academic emphasis in schools at such a young age isn't it?

hi cheltenhamgal, I'm not too far away from you near Cirencester (assuming you are actually in Cheltenham!) I'm also a single Mum and have a 7 year old dd and a 4 year old dd with SN. My 7 year old actually behaves fine at school but is more challenging at home - she is also quite attention-seeking and especially won't let me make phone calls without interrupting. She has always been this way so think it is more her personality than due to her Dad having left. We are having to move house too, it's all very stressful isn't it? Maybe your dd is picking up on all your (quite natural) worries. I think your dd's school sound like they are being quite proactive which is good, my dd's school is so laid back, they hardly notice anything! Hope things go a bit better for you soon :)