Really struggling with dd1. Not sure where to turn for help. Long, sorry.

[fingerscrosseditsnothing]

If any of you has time could you please look at this description and let me know what you think. I feel I am not being a good mum to her right now.

DD1 is almost 6. She has not been diagnosed with SN but I am wondering if I need to have her assessed. Her behaviour is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with and I am worn out.

She seems very highly strung (can't think of another way to describe it), she seems unable to relax and switch off and enjoy life.

She has massive issues around clothes and I am struggling to get her dressed. If I find something she is comfortable in washing/drying it ruins it and she is miserable again.

She hates change or uncertainty of any kind.

She cannot stop talking (she constantly narrates what she is doing even if she is not speaking to anyone is particular) and cannot be alone. She has to have someone with her to get to sleep and if she wakes in the night (she does, a lot) one of us has to settle her.

She is in school and is getting on fairly well. The teacher has told me that she has settled well and is a lot more relaxed than she was at the beginning of the year although she is inclined to be nervous and looks for a lot of reassurance.

She hasn't made a real friend yet. She struggles to understand other children and is always asking me why they did this or that. She seems to take everything so seriously and can't let things go.

For example a child called her a silly name weeks ago and we are still going over and over it.

She fixates on things that have happened and replays them over and over in her head.

She has some health problems (asthma, allergies) and has been in hospital several times which I think accounts for some of the anxiety.

She was attending a play therapist in the run up to starting school because she was so anxious about it. The play therapist said she is very bright and verbally advanced although emotionally a little immature. Also she felt being ill as a toddler had held back her physical development in the sense that she didn't go through a phase of climbing, running, falling etc that all toddlers seem to because she just wasn't well enough.

I think the description 'highly sensitive child' fits her perfectly but could it be more than that?

I would love to see her happy relaxed and smiling so much more than she does now

No-one on here would be able to say for definite whether there is more than just a highly sensitive child.

It is clear that she has some sensory issues with the clothes and takes things very literally.

It might be worth you speaking to the SENCO (Special Needs Co-ordinator) at school to see whether they think that there is anything worth investigating further or alternatively you could ask your GP for a referral to a Developmental Paediatrician.

Hi fingers and welcome to the sn board.

It sounds as if your Dd has some sensory issues that could be contributing to her anxiety.

There is a book called "the highly sensitive child" that i have seen recommended on here. I havent read it myself but people have said its good.

Know one on here would try to tell you what the problem is with your Dd but i would say that if you are worried you should write down all your concerns and go to your GP.

You need to ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. There will be a waiting list so it is worth doing it now and if you change your mind you can always cancel the appointment.

Hope some of that helps good luck.

Lol, x posted with ben10 and said exactly the same.

There is a book I often see recommended called 'The out of sync child' which may be useful. Your description of your DD does sound concerning, but not a clear cut DX at all. There are parents on this board of girls with various SN who may have more ideas, though. I'd agree that perhaps seeing your GP and asking for a referral, as well as seeing the school SENCo would be a good idea.

The out of sync child

Oops, crossed with Ineed. Not sure if she's talking about the same book?

Hi there

I would echo what the others have said, keep a note of all the little things that are worrying you (and your DD) to let the SENCO and/or GP know how life is for you all.

and keep posting, the people over here are lovely apart from UnChartered, she's eversoslightly unhinged today

Thanks for the replies. I understand that no-one on here can diagnose her. I guess I was just looking for a little solidarity.

I am finding it difficult to be taken seriously in real life. Because she is doing fine at school and can be quite charming no-one realises the full extent of how difficult things are with her. Every day is a struggle with her at the moment.

She had a 2 week break at school over Easter and the break in routine seems to have unsettled her.

We see a Paed for her health problems so I will ask about a referral for someone development.

Thanks again.

Crossed posts with some of you.

I really appreciate all the replies.

I am usually a bit of a lurker on Mumsnet but have seen there is a lot of support on the SN boards.

and don't be fobbed off if you have any concerns, girls present certain conditons in a very different way to boys

I think you could do with getting some advice from the parents of girls. They do present differently to boys, and difficulties can be masked by their natural communicativeness (made up word) and natural empathy.

I had exactly the same with Dd3, she is very good at holding it together when she is at school but she used to explode when she came home.

She has recently been diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder, she has moved to a lovely school and gets loads of support.

We have put loads of things into place to help her to cope and for us too. She is 9o now and is much easier to manage in lots of ways. We have learnt what sets her off and how to deal with it.

Keep coming on here for support and advice.

Ineed, did you mean the out of sync child?

Oh, no, I see that's a different book. Sorry

I've been reading this book

it's really helped me get a grip with how DD processes certain situations, and helped to stop me being drawn in.

it makes no mention of any conditions/disorders and i like it because of that, we're still in the early stages of assessment

Thanks so much for the advice and book recommendations. I'll investigate later.

I think because dd is in school now and we are spending some time with mums and girls of a similar age it is putting a lot of things in context for me.

Sure, these mums have problems with girls who only like pink, or who only like jeans and stripey t-shirts etc but dd's issues with clothes seem so elemental for want of a better word. She is consumed by feelings - too tight, too loose, too rough, too wrong in a way that even she can't describe.

Also her inability to let go and be in the moment - she is always watching, always checking, always thinking, thinking, thinking.......

HereIGo is right, our daughters are very clever, they can hide most of their issues when at school/with family/out and about, but at home they explode!

Please don't wait until someone brings her needs to your attention, go with your gut feelings.

Our local support group is growing now with parents of girls in yr8/9 who have said all along they knew there was something, but since their DDs were fine at school, didn't investigate. Who knows what those poor little girls have been harbouring inside

She sounds a bit like my 5 yo DD in some aspects. Mine doesn't stop talking and doesn't stop moving either. The clothes thing you mention I went through with her older brother. He couldn't have labels in the backs of clothes, couldn't wear certain types of clothes and was always complaining that they didn't feel right.

Start by getting the books recommended by the others on this thread. They might give you a clue. Then you need a referral, and perhaps speak to the SENCO. We've seen BIBIC who agree there is something not right with DD, and a community paed who didn't think it was anything specific. In our case we have other children who have ADHD/ dyspraxia/ sensory processing issues so I know the signs and she isn't right. She's having a lot of help at school.

Meant to mention earlier we are not in UK so the system is different and as far as I know very underfunded here (Ireland)

I don't know what help is available in school but I will begin by asking her teacher and we have a Paed visit coming up so I will ask there too.

The feeling I am getting from this thread is that my description of dd does resonate with some of you.

HereIGo Thanks for the action plan you detailed above. I am committing it to memory.

At the moment I feel like I am not even looking for a diagnosis but just some recognition that there are issues and how best to manage them.

Dd3 has clothes issues too. For the past 5 years she has been unable to wear clothes with buttons on especially skirts or trousers. In the last few weeks though she has started to wear denim shorts over her tights or leggings. She wants to look trendy, she has 2 pairs with the adjustable waist things so that she can just pull them up and down without stressing about the buttons.

She currently has 2 long sleeved tops and 2 hoodies that she will wear at home and pull on skirts and trousers for school.

I find it easy now i know what stresses her but we have had a lot of wasted clothes over the years.

When we buy new clothes and shoes we leave them where she can see them for a few days and usually she will try them.

It is all about finding your own ways of coping with help and support when it is available from books and forums like this one.

Ellen, sorry didnt see your question. Yes there are 2 books, i havent read either of them yet am waiting for my support group to buy them so i can read the for free.

Sorry, didn't mean my first post to be so brisk. I had a boy climbing over me :)

Another poster Maryz is in Ireland and has a teen with SN IIRC. She might be able to guide you more as to the process in Ireland.

You can purchase special seam free clothing here.

All of the books reccomended are great. I also have Raising a Sensory Smart Child which is very helpful, although a little American.