Please can I have a virtual hug - and a bit of practical advice please? (sorry, somewhat long)

[soppymoo]

Hi everyone, I posted here a few months ago about my concerns over my DD (4) - possible SPD/Aspergers/not sure - and got some really good advice about keeping a diary for possible eventual diagnosis.

Today my daughter's pre-school teacher called me in for a quick chat; apparently the school psychologist had spotted DD rocking from one leg to the other in playground and started asking questions about her, and the teacher ran me through a series of things that she's noted: lack of "symbolic play" e.g. with dolls and kitchen stuff, lack of interest in playing with other kids, "OCD"-like behaviour when it comes to getting paint or felt-tip on her fingers, and so on (these are her words, roughly translated from French - we're in France, due to return to UK very shortly). She hadn't raised it with me earlier, as she wanted to wait and see if it was related to the language barrier, but apparently DD is doing well in understanding French now. I've asked her to put together a short note for me so that I can take it along when I go to the doctor (is that where I go first??) to ask for a further assessment.

Apols if all a bit garbled, am feeling a bit mixed up right now - on the one hand, relieved at having some of my concerns validated by someone else (have been living fairly isolated existence for last few months!) on the other fearful (tearful) about the future, I haven't had chance to read too much on this thread yet, but am aware that it will probably be a long hard road to diagnosis and any potential help.

ANYWAY, just wanted to say hi again really and ask for your help with a specific question about primary schools. Because we've only just signed a lease on UK house, we've missed the first deadline for applications so am about to fill out form for second round. In your experience, am I better off trying to get a smaller infants school (this would be more like what DD has experienced so far in France) or will a bigger primary be more likely to be switched on to SN and offer more support? I may of course not get a choice, but wanted to at least try and get the order right on the forms - it's so hard, as I won't be able to actually visit any of the schools until I'm back in the UK next month. We'll be in Buckinghamshire, by the way.

Any other tips/advice would be most gratefully received - thanks...

virtual hugs from me.

Good news that you have now signed lease. as regards school it is really tricky to tell from their websites and ofsteds which school will be best for your dd.

My advice would be to talk to the Headteacher of all your nearest schools and tell them about your dd. My ds' current school talked about doing their BEST to meet his needs (delays and v poss ASD) whereas the school we are now moving him to is SURE they will be able to meet them. I went with the current school as it is closer and was meant to be v inclusive but will be moving ds in Sept and can't wait!

You could also contact the LEA about whether any schools have a specialism and with the local parent partnership about any advice they can give you.

If having talked to the schools and the LEA you still find it hard to decide then I'd just pick the school that will suit you best - easy to walk to/park/good for childcare and be prepared to move again if needed.

Register as early as poss with a GP and ask for a referral to the community pead for an assessment.

it is worth having a look at the offsted reports for the schools close by to where you are going to live, not to see how their overall grades are but to see what percentage of children they have with SEN and then the grades.

a school may have really good grades for their children but may have a low % of children with SEN. Whereas a school may have ok grades with a high % of SEN. If the school is doing ok with regards grades with a high % then they must be doing something right?? Its all about balancing the two.

this may help narrow down your search before you are back in the country and can speak to headmasters etc

Thanks everyone, that's really helpful.

zzzzzz - yes, was planning to wait until we're back and go to local GP, we're moving in the next few weeks. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what I think she has, I need to read up a lot more on ASD but don't think it's a language disorder (although don't know much about this, admittedly) - she has always been very talkative in English, and makes it up as she goes along in French!

She has lots of behaviours that seem anxiety related (e.g. meltdowns at getting even a drop of water on her clothes, or a tiny bit of pen on her fingers) or possibly sensory (mouthing things? issues with clothes; stimming by throwing things), and certain things that maybe point to ASD, e.g. lack of interaction with other children, very literal, plays by ordering her toys mainly, hand flapping and rocking - I could go on!! But according to teacher, v good at maths; and she is starting to read (in English). Anyway, I know it's a hugely complex spectrum and things often overlap so am trying to keep an open mind and do a diary, and might try and take a bit of video too, before going to docs.

We'll be between Aylesbury and High Wycombe, I reckon we'll prob end up with catchment school anyway, as it historically has been the one with places...

Thanks again, will be back I'm sure!

Sorry, soppymoo, but being good at Maths and even good reading don't rule out ASD. My DS has ASD and has always been top set for Maths, and above average for reading (if not abstract comprehension, ie he's poor at reading between the lines and prediction) even though he only started speaking at 3.6. Good ability at Maths is quite common with ASD. I'm not saying your DD does have ASD, of course, but just that academic ability doesn't rule it out.

yes, EllenJane, sorry if I wasn't clear, I didn't mean that I thought that being good at maths etc ruled anything out; I have clocked "high-functioning" in my brief reading so far - but am aware that I need to do a lot more getting up to speed...

small schools often just put different ages together so there are still 30 in a class so might be say reception, year 1 and year 2 kids all in one class. Its worth checking this out. Small school does not always mean small class.