book recommendations for siblings (ASD)

[pleasegivemestrength]

Hello!
I dont post very much on here although I lurk A LOT! Main reason is that I feel everyone here knows so much more and gives far better advice than I would ever be able to.

and the reason I lurk a lot is that, well it's just such a supportive, informative and lovely little community here. I learn a lot from everyone here and I dont feel quite so alone, when in RL we are quite isolated.

Anyway, as the title suggests, I am after a book for our ds1 (5) to understand ds2 better. ds2 (3) has suspected classic autism, assessment will be in 1.5 weeks, but all the professionals (and me too) so far are pretty certain that that's what it is. ds1 has started asking things like "why does ds2 not understand this and that but ds3 (who's 1.5) does?" or saying, very casually, to others "oh, ds2 is in his own little world at the moment". I feel that I really need to make him understand his younger brother better. Are there any books you could recommend for us? I saw the 'my brother is different' book on amazon but in the reviews it said that it's only really suitable for severe autism? Even though I think with ds2 it's quite obvious, I dont think he is severely autistic - although I guess i'll know more after the assessment...

My problem is that ds1 isnt exactly 'normal' either. He has a dx of AS and DAMP and shows very challenging behaviour a lot of the time himself. In fact, we have an incredible amount of support and provisions because of the severity of issues with ds1. BUT so far we havent talked to him about himself about 'being different'...Soooo, how would you go about this? should I talk to ds1 about himself first? Or can I talk to him about ds2 first and about himself after - he may even start to ask questions about himself as a result of that talk.

Sorry, I didnt intend for this to be such a long post I know I need to talk to him, but just dont know how to go about it. If you got this far, thank you for reading and I'd be grateful for any suggestions!

Don't have experience of telling siblings but people I know recommend "all cats have autism"

I used this book when my dd was about the same age as your ds. It's simple and easy to understand for the child but there's also chapters for you to read to help your child understand.

Thank you very much Lisa and insanity. I will have a look at both. But would you say I should tackle the talk with ds1 about himself as well as ds2 in one go or how would you go about it?

Sorry if I come across as really clueless. I was hoping that I had another year or so before having to have the chat with ds1 about him having AS. And if he hadn't started making comments about ds2 I wouldn't even be considering this now.

I don't know what to suggest as am in a similar situation here. My other dd (not the one I read the book to) says her brother is special because he makes noises (stims) and he needs a lot of help. She too has autism although is so much more able than ds but has not even an inkling that she too has difficulties and I just can't face shattering her self esteem by talking about her having autism like ds too. It really is so difficult.

I know :(

Dd1 was told at age six that she had autism. She has HFA, and do was able to understand. We explained that her brain was wired differently and so sometimes her brain doesn't act like other people's. We are lucky enough to have friends with children with autism so could explain it that way too. We have since let her read a few autism books (she's nine now), including lisa and the lacemaker, dog in the night and a few short books about Asd.
Dd1 knows dd2 has autism too, and we don't hide the word in the house but dd2 is too young to really understand it all.
I would properly explain it to your older son first. Then he is more likely to be understanding of his brother, knowing how he feels.

That's just it though how do you tell a child that they share the same diagnosis as the sibling that she loves that she knows has a disability. I don't think she will grasp it at all she "knows" what autism is only through her brother she won't be able to then process that autism for her means something very different. Dd is 9 and still I don't know what to say even though I had started to tell ds about his autism when he was seven or eight.

Maybe you need explain about the spectrum more. My dd1 knows her autism isn't the same as her friend Alberts or even same as her sisters.

I don't think dd will grasp the spectrum idea tbh and that's why I'm finding it hard. Dd was originally dx'd moderate to severe autism and although she appears very able and seems very able compared to ds (who incidentally had a moderate autism dx but now reassessed as severe) she just doesn't have that flexibility of thought and imagination to see autism as anything different to ds. I don't know, I know I need to address it but she's wonderful and carefree and I don't want to hurt her

Just an idea but how about doing it in drawing form? Something colourful that would attract the need for explanation. As in an umbrella with loose coloured segments or something. Maybe write her brothers name on it and hers on another.

Maybe cut out some clouds with their issues on or various spectrum issues with an arrow pointing at different stages of the umbrella. Might help her grasp Autism as a whole and levels of autism?

I am not explaining myself right I know as its only just come in my head

insanity, I feel very similar to you. ds1 and ds2 couldnt be more different if you tried. and although ds1 is ahead of his age group cognitively, I dont think he'd understand that him and his brother share the same or very similar dx. He has only just turned 5.

the idea of drawing it is a very good one, thank you! I will talk to dh about as I am the world's worst artist, but dh is quite good so maybe we can come up together of a good way of drawing it.

So maybe I need to find an easy to understand general book on ASD for children (rather than seperate ones on ds1's AS and his brother's classic autism), bring himself and ds2 into it and illustrate it with the drawings.

insanity, good luck for yourself too! It's not the nicest part of being a mum is it.

Maybe start off with the damp and/or neurological differences in general, and explain his AS later? Your ds1 sounds like my ds1 whose dx are ADHD asd and (not on paper so far) sensory processing problems and we loved Zak has ADHD

I just received the Cats have AS and Dogs have ADHD in the post yesterday and I like them both. The sentences are short and the pictures are lovely. Each page can be discussed with an example of a home situation maybe.

With DS though when I tend to discuss things of importance with him I always have a black felt pen and paper to hand when he is having a confused day and doodle my way though convos.

Did you see Rosie's short programme for Newsround?

We used this

Its written in simple language so good for your DS's age.

Thank you very much for the suggestions! I have now ordered all cats have aspergers and my brother is different. :)

Schobe, thank you for your link too! It looks interesting. I'm on my phone at the moment and couldn't get it to work properly but will try on my computer tomorrow.

Thanks again. I'm looking forward to the books but not so much to the conversation with my 'big' boy. sigh