My fruitloop exH has accused me of causing DS' ASD - I cannot even find the words

[razumov]

DS has pretty much textbook HFA - many documented assessments since age 2 etc. Generally a lovely child who responds well to interventions and profs have remarked the positive role my input has played in improving his outcomes. Of course, a complete 'cure' towards NT was never on the cards. EXH basically indifferent then physically abusive towards DS which rapidly ended the marriage. Things have now turned acrimonious and he is pedalling the argument that DS is actually NT and my lousy, controlling parenting has caused him to display AS symptoms. Of course there are many hurtful lies but this one really sticks and due to the level of ignorance exhibited out there in the general public, I am really worried that the courts will not see through this nonsense. I cannot believe that I am having to defend this but it is now out there and I need to address it.

I am a SAHM, I gave up a fantastic graduate career to be with DS as his oddities were apparent right from the start. I threw myself into parent groups, NCT, playdates, everything but of course, socialisation was not all that interesting to the young DS even though he likes (and continues to enjoy) the company of other children. EXH was a lazy deadbeat existing between the bed and the computer. He never interacted with DS at all other than negatively. He had no parenting skills and no interest in participating. Now he is trying to say that I prevented him from joing in and 'never let other children next to DS' (obv complete BS). He comes from that crappola country which produced that Wall documentary and really thinks that DS should move there with him so that he can dump him in an institution and subject him to pschyoanalytical claptrap.

DS cannot stand him, clearly remembers the abuse in detail (you know how their memories can be). There is no scope for sharing parenting with such a vindictive and deluded manchild.

I guess that the help I am asking for on here is how best to put this across to people who dont really know how we bring up non-NT children. DS can be clingy, his attachment to me is accentuated by his negative experiences at the hands of the other so-called parent. He was heading for a complete breakdown out in EXH country and if I had not brought him back swiftly he may never have even recovered back to his normal. Yet exH (exemplary sociopath) is playing the system to his advantage, his solicitors are good and he is basically abusing the fact that DS has SNs to his advantage.

Does anybody know where I can access support to counteract this?

Oh, poor you. This doesn't seem to be about your DS at all but about getting at you. If he 'won' whatever he is seeking to, how long woukd it last anyway?

Good grief. He does know that you can't give a child ASD, right? What a piece of work.

Seconding suggestions to find a solicitor experienced with SN. Get all the medical and other professional reports you can from people who have worked with your DS, too. Bullshit can only be spread so far before people notice the bad smell.

I'd also refuse to talk to your Ex without an intermediary. He's the one who is controlling and while he can't physically get at you, like he did your DS, he seems bent on doing everything he can to hurt you mentally.

Go back and do a data protection thing on your son's medical records and ensure you have copies of ALL previous reports. Submit them to the court - it's all factual. If you can get up to date school reports etc too listing the help the child needs ( a statement would be great!). Jackie Harland is very good - she certainly sussed my kids problem's fast & I was pleased with her tribunal report.

If you have any certificates from Autism specific parenting courses - include these too in your court submission. Evidence of your attendance at support groups etc, etc can go in the photocopied bundle.

Ensure any court hearings are held in the UK. Do not under any circumstances voice your true opinion of the ex in court - let him dig his own grave. All you need to say is that you feel the ex doesn't understand your child's sen & that this may impact on his ability to care for the child in an appropriate manner.

The court will note from the medical evidence that you aren't making it up and frankly see him as obstructive to his child's welfare. The more he slates you the worse it will be for him so long as you maintain "the high ground". The ability to comply with medical & educational instructions is seen as a cornerstone of child welfare in UK child protection issues - with a bit of luck he'll make it so he's only given supervised access without you having to do much at all.

With regards to the general public's opinions (sadly this can sometimes include family & friends) - hold your head up and just get on with it. Unless someone has a direct legally important role in your child's welfare (eg teacher, social worker, GP) right now their opinion doesn't count.

Thanks for all your replies - and the recommendation for Jackie Harland. Could you give me any indication of her costs etc. My borough is quite anti-statement so I don't think we could turn one around in time for the contact hearing which has been scheduled for 2 hours upon ExH's request. I have been complying and this has really pissed him off as he knows that I did not always see eye to eye with every therapist (I was keen for DS to have the best care and you would know how that is hardly easy to obtain on the NHS). He has been trying to say that I am non-compliant, it is only a matter of time.. etc. but the fact that we have been back for almost a year and accessing all the help suggested really annoys him (whether it has been valuable is another matter of course but my priorities have obv shifted)

I know that this will turn on contact but I would not want supervised contact to be a stepping stone towards DS being taken back to his country where DS does not know the language and finds Ex family to be hostile and aggressive as much as I have done. It is vital for DS to know that I am not far away; otherwise he would go into absolute meltdown. A few weeks more in that country subjected to EXH's discipline and he would have been completely wrecked mentally.

Having gone thru the process with an ijeet foreign ex, you'll be fine if you follow my advice above hun.

ALL the medical and school paper work you can lay your hands on + do not be seen to be "slagging off" the other parent. (Poor man doesn't UNDERSTAND, is the message you need to get across, not that he's a barsteward). Keep everything factual and backed up in black and white.

You need to ask the court for the following:-

1/ A residency order
2/ A prohibited steps order - to prevent child being removed from the UK and unsupervised contact (mine runs to 18 btw!)
3/ depending on the advice of your legal team possibly a parenting order for the ex so that he has to do an asd specific parenting course (like the NAS run). I had no need of this one as ex is AS himself.

Boc - I have pmed you