Suspect development issues with a child I know - wwyd?

[BobMarley]

I hope you guys can give me some advice. I'm not quite sure if I can explain this properly. But I'm genuinely a bit concerned and would like to know what you would advice me to do in this situation.

A boy that I know very well has a few 'quirks' that tell me there might be some development issues. I started looking on the internet and he could have some asperger's traits but obviously I'm no expert and want to know what you think.

The things I've noticed (he will be 2 next month):

• As a baby he always stared up to the sky and craned his neck.
• He rolled really early (3-4 months), never crawled but walked quite late at about 18 months
• He doesn't really point at things with his index finger but uses his whole hand
• His eye contact is sometimes very good, sometimes he ignores you or looks away
• His speech is quite good but does not say the word 'yes' or 'thank you' at all.
• His walking is a bit clumsy and he quite often holds is hands on shoulder height when he walks
• Has never cried when detached from his parents
• Has so far been a remarkebly easy and self sufficient baby/child
• Has a bit of an obsession with collecting certain objects in 3's
• His interaction towards me is intermittent, sometimes it is there, sometimes he seems clueless what I want from him (I have 3 children myself and one the same age so do know roughly how they are expected to respond)

Is this enough reason to be concerned? And if yes, what would you do? Try and talk to the mom? Or would you wait and see what happens when he goes to pre-school (which probably won't be another year) as I understand his behaviour would be become more noticeable (or not!).

Well, we can only base our responses on what we have experienced. Obviously, two of you have had poor experiences with nurseries, and so I guess the op will get a range of advice. I wouldn't raise it, based on what I, and friends, have experienced. Including my suspecting asd in a friends child (now being raised by professionals). Its really your call op.

use your knowledge of your friend to work out what you have to do to get her to express her concerns. Listen and don't say much.

repeat weekly for the next few years!

What would benefit an aspie (if that's what he is) at this age? As far as I cam tell official early intervention is all geared to language acquisition.
I wish I had done more singing/gesturing and tots gymnastics with ds at that age.
Could you steer your friend towards activities that might help her boy?

That's interesting oodlesofdoodles, I can certainly do that easily and very happy to do so.

She does take him to toddler group once a week and they do singing and stuff there. He did do 'if you are happy and you know it' the other day and seemed quite happy to do that.

I will definitely suggest tots gymnastics, we can do that together with our boys.

Any other suggestions of activities/things to do that might help her son?

Any turn taking games, and imitation games/practice.

Again, I really wouldn't advise on specific activities, tumbletots is often a complete disaster for a child with hidden language processing issues.

she has to become an expert on this child's needs.

My ds does ok with these things when he's in a class of younger children. Eg in the 3 - 5 classes now that he's 5.

You only become expert on your child by reading lots and trying things out, so yes music and movement, small structured group activities are what work for my ds, but it might be different for another child.

Is the gym suggestion to improve motor skills rather than social skills? If so I agree with Lingle, that a less structured session than Tumbletots would be helpful. As I recall the set up at Tumbletots, there's all this lovely equipment laid out, that either doesn't get used for half the session or when it is used, is in a regimented order, so IME particulalry frustrating for a child with receptive language issues.

In terms of what to do - in light of my experience, I wouldn't be too bothered about the toddler groups etc, but more focussed on 1-1 work to improve my child's language, communication and play skills, in particularly filling in obvious gaps in basic vocab, such as yes. "Thank you" I would be less stressed about tbh at this age.

I have done this in a professional sense but it is much more difficult with a friend. With ds we did have a friend approach us and ask if we were concerned and if we were she might have some ideas of where to go to get more information and support. We were and we took her up on her offer. I have recently used this model myself for another friend with a little boy who has just turned 4. I hadn't seen them since he was 2 and when we reconnected I felt very strongly that he really hadn't made any significant developmental advances in that time. I did exactly what my friend did for me and said are you worried about * at all. She was and again has used the contacts that I know of to follow through.

Bob I also meant to say that you are a great friend for thinking so carefully about your friends ds.

I think you need to try different things out a few times to give them a go. If it still doesn't work, move on to the next one. If you're doing classes then a kind patient teacher is the most important factor IME.

Yes, I think balance, motor skills, sequencing, sensory processing are a big problem for asd kids. I suspect that the poor social skills are a symptom of the above in early development. I wish I'd been aware that three years ago.

And ditto what yawning said.

Thank you all so much for your kind suggestions and help. I think I will sit back for a little while and see how her son progresses. I'm really not sure if my concerns are justified or he is 'just a bit quirky' as sometimes he does seem to participate and interact very well. And sometimes not so much.

I will keep an extra eye out when we are doing interactive activities and his reaction and participation to it and whether he copies other children's behaviour and take it from there. I think I need to be a bit more confident that he really needs the help rather than risking jumping the gun and there really not being a problem and upset my friend.

I'd be very careful how you approach her if you do. I know that if a friend had been "monitoring" my son and his development when visiting with me, I would be LIVID as none of my friends are medical professionals. I would also be quite aggravated if they were pushing or suggesting activities that they felt would "benefit" my child as well, in that regard.

You've mentioned a couple times keeping an "extra eye out" and "watching" this or that... while you may have the best intentions, you need to remember that you are NOT this child's parent or their HV or paed. This monitoring you are doing is intrusive IMO. If you think there are red flags, mention it to the parent gently and back out and let them deal with it. The parent may have already noted it and spoken to a GP or HV about it. I know that we did numerous times and still didn't discuss it with friends until after he was referred to the paed. Mainly because I detest having people speculate about my child. Not their place IMO.

Thank you for your point of view Triggles but I am not so worried about that. I know her very well and hold her very dear and she would know that I would only do something like that out of her and her son's best interest. We are really quite close. Also, am only looking to see if there are 'red flags' in the first place and if there are, how and if I should mention it!

In any case, after seeing them today and knowing a bit more what specifically to watch out for, I am actually much less worried. Yes, he is quirky and definitely has some obsessions. But he did join in with things, did copy behaviour and when I pointed and asked him to get something, he did it gladly.