How do you cope when the pressure hits?

[starfish71]

Have had an awful week, DS1 13 is so anxious and stressed is barely leaving his room, I am struggling to fully interact with DS2 8 as I am so worried about DS1.

Feeling really crap. We are going through statutory assessment for DS1 , all reports now in and am waiting for a date for it to go to panel.

Have been through statementing (luckily successfully) with DS2 but this is worse, I don't know if it's because DS1 is older and I feel guilty that I didn't do this sooner or that it's just crap seeing my eldest suffering and isolating himself.

I really lost it tonight and shouted at them both, just feel like I really don't know what to do to make it better.

Really felt like handing it all over to DH tonight and running away.

Am probably going to go back to GP and ask for increase in anti depressants.

I know Lots of you deal with much more stresss than this but how do you cope with the constant stresss?

I hope you get lots of support on here starfish. You sound very fed up. I'm sorry you are having a difficult time.
My Ds has had panic and anxiety AS problems and starting secondary school has been very difficult for him. I found I was constantly worried and pleased just to get to Easter hols.
You need to try and make sure you are sleeping and eating healthy so you can be strong. Its tiring looking after and worrying about 1 Ds so it must be hard work trying to divide your time between your dc's. I'm sure you are doing the best you can you are human after all no one is perfect.

Thank you flowwithit. I think I just really lost it yesterday and got myself into a real state.

I am trying to keep positive and I know I am lucky to have my wonderful boys. DH has told me to go out for a couple of hours today with my sister as he is off work today. Will see how I feel once am ready. Know I have to find a way of dealing with this stress without taking it out on anyone else.

Really feel for you star, i have had very stressful times over the years with Dd's 1 and 3.

I dont cope particularly well with stress and have at times felt like walking away too.

I am lucky that my girls like being outdoors and i find that a great stress reliver.

I would take up your Dh's offer and get out for a while. Sometimes i just go shopping when Dp gets in just to escape for an hour.

Try to be kind to yourself.

Hi Star, it is a very stressful time when you are waiting for decisions to be made. You feel so powerless and that can increase the stress - so take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself.

It is very hard to deal with a child with anxiety. They get so stuck to their own desires and routines that they become stubborn and there is no reasoning with them.

I had DS1 (who is 9) stood at the top of the stairs for ages yesterday refusing to come down and put shoes on as he didn't want to go out.

I know that he feels so much better when outside.

But that's easier if you know you just have to have the battle to get them out - if your son doesn't like to be outside or leave his room, that is much harder.

Can you take a step back, take the pressure off yourself and just let him do what he feels he wants to? Go and eat and choc egg in front of the tv?

Sometimes with DS, you will need to take a step back (or several) to move forward.

Ask him if he would like to have a day doing his own thing around the house or something like that. Say tomorrow you will go out - tell him the times and where to and for how long - but today he can do as he wishes. Then when you go out tomorrow, make it short and give him a motivator (packet of crisps, magazing, choc egg)

I don't know your son and so none of this may be of any use for you but this is what I would do with mine. But you know him best.

I think piling the pressure on yourself won't help. You are doing a fab job. Other people will never understand the relentlessness of battling with a child with anxiety who doesn't want to do what comes naturally to every other child.

But we do [busmile]

Some helpful things:

Find a hobby - take a evening or day course but low key ie no exams

Look at G Rubin Happiness Project online - useful tips.

Yes anti deps to replace the low levels of seratonin from all the stress

Maybe psychotherapy to chat and discuss things eg how to cope.

Walks. Feel sunshine in garden. Chocolate in moderation. Eat and sleep well. Look after yourself. Get a new top or something which makes you feel good eg a new nail varnish etc. Just simple things.

Know that you are doing your best for everyone and everyone does love and appreciate you.

Smile and the whole world smiles with you - true.

Hugs as well!

Ps I have used and use the above ideas - I have the SEN T-Shirt!

Do you have any other family close by who you could ask for help even if it's just so you and Dh can go for lunch or cinema.
Hope you feel a bit better after getting out with your sister today.
When you can think more clearly maybe you can come up with a plan to help your Ds out of his room.
The only thing that works with my v stubborn Ds is to reward with Xbox or chocolate! Your Ds is older though and it sounds like he is perhaps getting all teenagery on top of everything he is struggling with. It could be that you are trying too hard and maybe he needs teenagery space?

Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. I did go out with my sister today and it helped to get a break.

I will read It all properly tomorrow, am going to take DS2 up to bed and hope for a good night sleep.

DH hasn't managed to get DS1 out of his room, apart from food, but DS2 was a star for him.

Thank you for support :)

Just wanted to update a little. Have had a better couple of days, helps DH is home. Today we had my father-in-law over for dinner, Ds1 ate his dinner in garden on new swinging bench (DH's idea as he thought it might be relaxing for DS and get him out of his room into the garden! Has worked!)

DS2 ate his separately too while playing with transformers in front of tv but grandad enjoyed, everyone enjoyed their dinner (didn't all eat the same of course!)

I do feel better when I don't try to conform to 'what's expected of my family" and just let them be and do what they want, within reason!

Also should add I have enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner which helped too!

One day at a time.

Happy Easter! :)

Hi Starfish

I think I mentioned before that my DS was the same - for many years I couldn't get him out of his room either.

It's anxiety that makes them do this. In their own small space they feel secure. I thnk I mentioned our nocturnal walk to the chip shop - which were his only exercise for several years.

But it will end. There is actually a limit to the amount of things that will keep them permanently occupied in their rooms. Even DS, who was totally addicted to computer games and would plau them 24/7 suddenly announced he was getting bored playing them.

Until then - chiiiiiiiillllllll.

Thanks WetAugust, DH has been taking DS for night rides in the car when DS is able to cope with it. Not quite a walk but it is a start. :)

I have read about how your son has progressed since he was around DS age and it does give me hope, thank you.

Am really trying to relax about it, just a bit sad that DS can't go to the gadget show this week as he is too anxious and last year he went and enjoyed. He find the travelling difficult but when he was there he loved it.

Hoping this time next year my boy will be able to access things he enjoys.