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Both parents of SEN child working full-time in highly stressful professions - can we support effectively?

34 replies

mulranno · 04/04/2012 18:40

My Dd3 has a SpLD (not dyslexic), and despite an IQ of 137, intensive extra support at her private school in term time and throughout the holidays is functioning about 2.5yrs below her chronological age (10). She has also v challenging behaviour problems at home only (volatile, bullys siblings, aggressive, demanding, controlling etc) but is v quiet and timid at school and out of the home. My theory is that she is anxious and overwhelmed by school and lets all her frustration out at home. We are all exhausted on the one hand by her behaviour in the home as well as the patient (sometimes painful)hand holding to get through reading and homework every evening after a long day at work. Are we deluded that we can carry on with both of us working full time? Part-time is not an option in either of our careers - Do we need to re assess where one of us stays home to support her more effectively? Do other families cope with both parents working FT and effectively supporting child with SEN? Or are we just light-weights? We have 3 other children close in age and we both work FT soley to pay school fees as opposed to funding some luxury lifestyle or satisfying a career passion.

OP posts:
mulranno · 05/04/2012 10:59

zzzz what is ABA. Yes I think I had hoped that me being around would create a better environment and her behaviour would improve at home and I could support her SpLD more - but I think the reality is that we need some professional input to help us manage her as it is really wrecking our family life and unfair on the other children. Where do I go for help - happy to pay and what type should we be going for?

Agnes all the others are in state schools.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 05/04/2012 11:11

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LeninGrad · 05/04/2012 11:14

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LeninGrad · 05/04/2012 11:16

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mulranno · 05/04/2012 11:50

the others are 13,11 (boys) and 5 (girl) -- if anyone can point me in the direction of an agency doing ABA I would be very grateful.

OP posts:
StarlightMcEggsie · 05/04/2012 12:14

Mul, if you PM Moondog, she is a professional and is running a one day workshop shortly on some ABA basics. It might be a good introduction to see if it can help.

zzzzz · 05/04/2012 12:15

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StarlightMcEggsie · 05/04/2012 12:22

Birmingham. Grin

People usually pay a consultant to assess and set targets to improve behaviour in a way that is rewarding and fun for the child. Then, depending on their own finances and time they either implement the strategies themselves or hire someone.

Hiring someone is completely unnecessary for just a change in parenting/consistency, but if the gap between the child and their peers is huge then some parents want to commit a number of hours a week to get through targets as quickly as possible which is hard going for a parent to deliver on their own.

Where it might be useful for the OP is just as a part of a parenting toolkit.

Eloise73 · 06/04/2012 23:24

I know you say neither of you can go part-time but could you do more flexible working/working from home etc? Even cutting out commuting time may give you a bit of extra time with your DD and maybe cut out some of the stress. DH and I worked full time and it was OK I guess but when we decided to change how we worked so one of us was always at home we saw HUGE differences in our daughter. I mean in the last year we've gone from a child who very clearly has ASD to a happy more relaxed child thriving at school, playing with friends and finally having conversations.

Our home life is not crazy or stressful anymore, its relaxed and happy and I think this is definitely rubbed off too on our DD. Personally I would say if you can afford it then definitely take a career break.

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