Struggling with DD being so different/behind

[PrinceRogersNelson]

My DD is 3.4 and the current thinking is that she has an overall development delay of 1 year. Her speech is very delayed and the speech she does have is very unclear.
We are abroad at the moment in my DH's home country and seeing lots of friends all with children around my DD's age, some a bit younger and some a bit older and I am exhausted.

I am exhausted at being confronted everyday with where other kids are and we're she isn't and where the younger ones are at and she was never like them.

Wondering whether to explain to people that she does have issues or just to leave it.

And so fuckibg jealous of people whose kids are trundling along nice and normally in their development and not knowing anyone in real life who has a child who is anything less than perfect.

I have an older DS who is NT so I really do know how far behind she is.

I'm sorry your having a hard time. We have all been there when we suddenly realise how much our kids stick out from peers.
Which country are you in? I take it you have no family there? Is there a local sn group you could go to?

We're only here on holiday so I think it is very stark as we are seei g people every day and the DC's ate outside of their comfort zone. At home she sticks out from her peers but everyone knows her and therefore I am not as aware of what others may be thinking or wondering.
They are probably not thinking or wondering anything and I should just try and get on with enjoying my holiday!

I know how awful this feels. I try very hard to not expose myself as it makes me so sad but at same time know can't live enclosed in house! I have just spent few days with my sisters NT children. I feel very depressed when I see my dd alongside them as it just highlights everything she doesn't do. No advice I'm afraid but am going to treat myself to few glasses of chablis tonight! Feel free to join in.

I think this is a really difficult age when your child has delays as it seems much more obvious than when they are little tots. They're peers are fluent speakers and are developing friendships and the along come toddlers who are a year younger than yours but can say much more. It really does high light it some days and it does make you feel sad.

Oh and if it helps ds was barely verbal at almost 3 and now he is four he is still delayed but we actually had our first little conversation yesterday (very basic by most standards but a year ago he would not have responded to any questions)

He has come so far in a year and yes he's still behind but seeing them make progress is something to feel great about

Oh Prince I'm sorry. I feel sad often when I watch my ds compared to other nt kids. I was crying as I watched him run about in the garden yesterday, unable to interact with his brother. Sometimes it just hits you really hard. Big hugs.

Just got home and have seen all the other messages. Thank you all so much.

I decided not to mention it to people after I wrote the message above and it did make it easier.

But I have been spurred in to action at least and am pushing for more help. She hasn't had a diagnosis or proper assessment yet as we are still waiting. She hasn't even had a hearing test! So I have e mailed my speech therapist today and have pushed for the referrals to be made again.

I did find it hard and am beginning to realise that she is losing her 'cute' and people are not feeling as warm to her as her difference is becoming more apparent.

And I guess I still have this lurking feeling that it is more than a developmental delay.
She is just different to other kids. I look at children younger than her and she is just not as aware or as involved in the same space as other people/children are.

it is just so hard because no one else seems to see it. She is just out of reach. Not massively so, but enough that I feel there is a problem.

bleuurghh, I feel like I am going mad sometimes.

I really feel for you and can totally empathise.

I have had spells where I have just felt so heartbroken and grieving for the life my DD should have had.

I feel more positive now that she is at secondary school. I comfort myself with the fact that for all her differences, I know that I don't have the fears and worries of the parents of her peers.

She doesn't go out and socialise, outwith a club setting, so I know she isn't hanging round street corners drinking cider, or trying drugs.

She has no interest in technology, so I needn't worry about cyber-bullying.

She is placid and lovely, so I haven't had to deal with pre-teenage angst, tantrums and strops.

So I try and think of all the positives. She doesn't look different and I actually feel lucky to have a daughter like her.

It is understandable that you feel this way, but it will get better over time, I promise you

Hi, my D is younger than yours (2.2) but more than a year behind already and I already share with you the feeling of it getting less acceptable. I struggle when i see her around her peers because it just makes it so much clearer and I dont know what to do in terms of telling people anything. There is a bunch of us trying to support each other through this on a hand holding thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1216322-Is-anyone-else-starting-out-on-the-road-to-a-diagnosis-Fancy-holding-hands-on-the-bumpy-path

You'd be v welcome there to share info and often just off load.

I am with you AmIthatbad sometimes you have to see the lovely DC you have and ignore the negatives. Remember every child however disabiled has a beauty spot and it up to us to find it. Goodluck Prince you will survive

Disabled

All I can say is that it will get easier. Once you get past that early intense developmental stage where all that comparison shite happens. Also as they get bigger you yourself start comparing them to when they were little rather than to others because you realise it's irrelevant .
For me it was finally letting go of the alternative nt child that ds never was.. That's when it got easier