sigh...when it hits you unexpectedly....

[Becaroooo]

Ds1 is 8. Has always struggled with basic tasks/missed lots of developmental milestones....

Ds2 is 3. Was quite advanced in most of his milestones (sitting, crawling, walking, using a bike & scooter etc)

Ds2 was colouring yesterday. He did it really well (this is not a stealth boast, honestly!) He stayed within the lines and took his time and it was really neat.

Its just hit me there and then...ds1 probably couldnt do it that well now, Let alone when he was 3!!

I am being bloody silly and I know it but it made me so sad that ds1 has found/finds everything so hard/difficult. Even colouring!

He also had a bad night last night (up every hour) as dh was away with work again. Sigh. Am very sad today

He can't colour in that well but he is blessed with having you to worry about him!

But he surprises beautifully you in so many other ways. I'm 43 and still can't cut neatly, let alone draw a straight line or a circle neatly.

Becaroooo - there's nothing like it . Today, our lovely but new home support worker brought an activity with her. 'Making baskets'. Lovely idea, cutting strips of magazine and making weaved baskets. Light years away from DD1 though, who went into meltdown. Just too much concentration, attention, care, and most of all sitting still for the little lady.

My 'hit like a brick' moment was trying to teach DD1 (again) how to hold a pair of scissors. It became clear that she still doesn't have an established hand dominance. She doesn't know how to hold a pair of scissors, and when she is shown, hand over hand, she doesn't have the strength/co-ordination to do more than two cuts without losing her grasp on the scissors.

Awww hugs Becs :(

Had one of those days myself today. DS is of the age where he wants to go out to play. His sister went out and he broke his heart and demanded we let him out too.

Try explaining to a child who hasnt got a clue who is a stranger and who isnt. That if someone said to him "lets go to the park" he would just go with it. Last time he ever went out he was supposed to be inside someones house but they all go in and out all hours. Promised they would look after him and low and behold someone squirted water at him and he ran to a strangers house hammered on door and ran up and locked himself in their bathroom. He was 3 doors away and didnt have the sense to just come home he ran accross 3 roads to this mans house :(

He sat their and recited the description of each adult that lives in the road and said dont be silly mum they are my friends. Of course theyre not but he cant see it.

Sadly no one knocks for him as they dont want to stay in in good weather and only knock the door when its raining or I have invited one to go out to the park.

But he wants to be independant without mum like his sister and it hurts so I do know how one of those days feel x

coff oh, its hard isnt it?

lougle sounds like a lovely idea...I have had lots of them over the years and have - finally - realised ds1 just cant do it, so I dont do crafty things anymore with him...just not worth it, for him or me

star thank you. But I would give anything for a day without the worry, you know?

sally Yes. He is amazing. When I think back to his early years (which frankly I try not to do too much ) it is incredible to think this is the same child! He surprises me every day. He is sweet and kind and a wonderful brother to ds2.

I would so love his life to be easier. But I have to make it as easy as I can for him I guess

Thanks everyone x

He surprises me every day. He is sweet and kind and a wonderful brother to ds2.

You know Becs? That is a wonderful gift in itself and a lot of NT kids struggle with. :)

Here's to sweet and kind children who are lovely and wonderful to their siblings. They are beautiful inside and out and a privilege to know.

becaroooo I know it's really hard to have the contrast between kids (our dd, 20 months, doesn't have the vocabulary of ds, 3, but I can already see her communication is way ahead). But I'm trying to concentrate on the fact that dd is amazing for ds and vice versa - they love each other to bits, and she does more than anyone to pull him into the wider world. I hope your two are the same, and that you get a better night's sleep tonight.

becarooo, I know it is hard. DD2 (16 months) has already overtaken DD1 (4, autism) in so many ways. it really hits home how much DD1 is affected by her autism whenever DD2 hits another milestone; and instead of celebrating them, I often end up feeling down :(

but both DDs are really fond of each other and have a great bond and DD2 is just amazing for DD1.

Poor my dd though. When she shows me a new skill my response is usually 'yeah, alright!'.

I'm a bit rubbish with her sometimes because I'm just not ready for her to have the skill given how much time and effort I have put into helping Ds develop it.

Poor lamb!

Beca -

It's all so bitter-sweet isn't it :(

When DS2 learns something easily it makes me sad 'cause DD couldn't.

When DS1 and DD make huge progress thanks to all the therapies we're doing I mourn the lost years.

All of the last few years has been devoted to helping them. And it's been worth it. But everyone has missed out on what those years should have been like. I can make their lives better going forward - but I can't give them back the years they should have had.

I hate bring a parent. Hate it. And I shouldn't.

And DS2....... I really can't face another 3 years of therapy........

Anyway, I'm pleased to hear you write something so nice about DS2, because not all of your posts about him have been so positive.

You started this thread last night. I hope this morning you're feeling a bit brighter.

Hello everyone

Thank you all for your posts, and thank you for not telling me that I am being stupid/ungrateful

I am so lucky. I know I am. But, God, I am so tired. Have never been so tired.

Wrt ds2 indigo is right, I dont post the good stuff about him, I dont post about how polite he is, how loving, how sweet and funny, how is loves to dance to lady gaga, how he is very creative and likes to bake cakes

I think I am always "on the lookout" for problems IYSWIM? He was late to talk - like ds1. He has speech immaturity - like ds1. He struggles to detach from me atm - like ds1.

I dont think I can do it all again...the appts, the idiots, the ignorance, the money, the stress....I WILL obviously, I would do ANYTHING for my kids, but it is making me feel sick thinking about it

He is due to start pre school on 16th...it will be horrendous. I am dreading it. What do I do if they start to red flag stuff? Its like I know that this is (or could be) the start of it all again....

I am being an idiot. I am borrowing trouble ahead of time I know, but I cant help it. I have done the whole "they are the experts they know what they are doing" thing and assuming that they have my dc's best interests at heart...I know better now and I know all of you do too

I feel like a complete failure...my dsis (I know, I know, you shouldnt compare!!!) has a husband who is well...useless...never there, doesnt do anything with the kids when he is, never did any groups, baby groups etc with her dc, put them in nursery very young even though she is a sahm, spent all her time with them either cleaning or at the shops, never baked/did craft with them, never takes them anywhere (her MIL taught them to swim and ride a bike) AND YET her dc are fine...no academic issues, no sleep issues, no anxiety issues....I feel like such a fool

I did everything "right" - I did the whole baby group thing, took him to parks, soft play, baked, did crafts, dh is a very hands on father, takes him on trips etc...and ds1 struggles so much and always has.

I fell for the whole thing..."if you do this you are a good mum and your child will thrive". Yeah. Right.

My mum thinks its my fault ds1 is like he is - partially because when he slept as a baby (very rare occurance tbh!!) I tried to be as quiet as possible, turned the phone off etc.....apparently this made ds1 "nervous"

Sigh. I dont know how to stop feeling like this.

Help.

FFS Bec!!!!! Stop blaming yourself!! They are the way they are because..... That's just the way the fucking cookie crumbles!!!

I have 4 kids. My DD has had 26 major surgeries. I have put her through the worst pain imaginable to get her to the age of 12 and still be here with us, alive and breathing safely on her own, without intervention, eating orally, thriving, living. She doesn't have ASD, she has something called Treacher Collins Syndrome (TCS). I will have to put her through another 8 hour very painful surgery this August so that her ears can be like normal ears, so that she can feel accepted by society.

Her littlest brother has the same condition and ASD. He won't have to have all of the same surgeries thank God. But he will have to have surgery to be able to wear hearing aids.

My sister is THE most sanctimonious cow going about her darling DD. She works full time, Single mother, DD is perfect, beautiful so amazing etc. My DC are (in her eyes) annoying as they are far from perfect. I know that her perfect child is so restricted in everything she does as my Dsis is very controlling. So hopefully Darling Niece will bite her on the arse soon! Fingers crossed, where as my dc continue to be a challenge, but I pick my battles. That is the art to parenting IMHO. Pick Your Battles and Love Unconditionally. After all life can change it's course just like that
Sorry for shouting Bec.

Ah, thats more like it!

I know I need shouting at, and I am a firm believer in picking your battles too. Except I dont seem to have had much choice in mine.

Sorry to hear about your dd's many surgeries...ds1 has only had to have 1 and it was awful so I can only imagine what you must go through each time

I would love more dc but it aint going to happen...I have enough on my plate with my 2!!!

You're welcome Bec!!

I hope that you have a better day today. I have learned over the years to be pathetically grateful for the little things that most families take for granted. People ask me all the time " How do you cope?". I always see that as more of a statement that they couldn't cope with it so I must be doing something right!!!

Anyway, your Mum's wrong btw. Mine is often wrong too!