AS fixation on person and unkindness to them

[wibbleweed]

Sorry, this isn't a very good title - can't think of one but hopefully someone can help me...

I've got a meeting with CAMHS this coming Thurs to go through diagnosis report for DS (5) who's in reception - it's been hinted that this is likely to be AS. One of his various issues is that he gets fixated on a particular person at school and they become the 'enemy' in his mind - at school he tries to hurt them (e.g. hit/bite) and goes on and on at home about how he wants to hurt them (and worse I'm afraid...) attempts to write nasty letters to them and is generally horrible. And occasionally he moves on and a new person becomes the enemy - the only common thread is that the 'enemy' likes toy story, has a toy story lunch box or similar. I know it sounds strange but DS has a massive toy story phobia!

Anyway, so far, I've largely ignored it, and the 'enemy' has been in a different class so it's relatively easy to keep him away etc. But unfortunately one of the really lovely little girls in his class, who he used to view as a 'friend' (well, sort of!) and one of the few kids who has genuinely taken a shine to DS wore a toy story outfit for world book day. And you can guess who the 'enemy' is now... For about a month, he's been hurting her at school, and won't shut up about the horrible things he wants to happen to her. With previous fixations I've tried to ignore it and hope they go away, but I'm finding this one particularly hard to deal with as she's much 'closer'. So how do I deal with this? I've tried explaining how unkind it is but he just ignores me. Rewards/punishments don't get anywhere with him - but I don't just feel I can stand back and let this happen.

Has anyone been in a similar boat? And how do you deal with it?

Many thanks - and sorry for the long post

WW

Thanks zzzzz - we're always really positive about TS e.g. the fact that woody is a nice character etc, but it's another of his fixations really rather than a specific phobia and he simply will not have it! Just hoping that he'll move on soon!

WW xx

try to obtain a toy story cake, and let him eat it - ie give him the butterknife and let him cut chunks of it for himself and eat it. It might slot the idea of "Toy Story = Rewarding" into his brain,.

Thanks Colditz - that's an interesting idea. I suppose he could use the knife to stab woody (!) but I guess if it's making him face the enemy, that could be a good thing

WW

I think you need to establish what you will have zero tolerance on. School obviously deal with the hitting/biting of the little girl as and when it happens, so no need to punish him again.

I understand that he has a phobia, but going on and on about how he wants to hurt someone and worse at home and then following it through at school, cant be ignored.

Ds used to talk about how when he is older, he is going to get a gun and shoot his brother, for minor offences such as older brother refusing to bounce on the trampoline with him for example. I doubt ds would actually do this, when older, but that isnt the point. I would tell him if he did, he would go to prison and never see his family again and to go to his room and think about it and come down when he could say sorry.

He would give a very unsincere sorry, i doubt he actually thought about it in his room either, but he did learn that i would not tolerate him saying such things.

Thanks Claw and zzzz - you're right, there do need to be sanctions, and believe you me there are - it's just that the message doesn't seem to be getting through. The point about it taking a long time to get through is something I'm still trying to get my head around. I'm just over a year into our ASD/AS 'journey' (official diagnosis tomorrow...) and every day something crops up that hammers it home that he IS different (but wonderful and lovely too ...).

I'm trying a combination of working towards a reward (of the usborne book of 'firefighters' - he collects them (particularly loves the indexes!!!) so it's something he really wants and withholding treats for 'nasty words' but it's so hard :(

And she's one of the few kids in his class who ARE accepting of him and make an effort :( :(

Enough of the :(s - and thanks!
WW

Wibble, i think to help ASD kids to get the connection between a behaviour and a consequence, the consequences have to be immediate and so do the rewards, well at least to start with.

Have you tried telling him or demonstrating to him what you would him to do instead of going on and on about what harm he would like to do someone. For example its ok to get angry, but when angry, we dont harm other people, we do xxxxx instead. What do you do when your angry? Help him to find a different, more acceptable way to express his anger. Ds and I would go upstairs and punch a pillow around the room, when he was younger and end up in fits of giggles (maybe a Toy Story pillow )

We also did a earn your privelleges chart, which worked well because i was never actually taking anything away, he either earned it or he didnt. For example doing your homework, if he did it he earned half an hour of watching TV, if he didnt, he didnt watch TV.

Wow that film must have really spooked him. Do you have toy story gear in the house? I would get rid of anything toy story to stop reminding him.

Last year ds took against a boy at his (rubbish) nursery. He would go on at great length about the horrible things he wanted to do to B. I was horrified and remonstrated with him. Eventually I realised that my response was feeding the problem, so I started to blank it and he dropped the topic fairly quickly.