Grrr, I apologised for DS and I shouldn't have!!!!

[StarlightMcEggsie]

At a soft play recently. There was a group of children. One was a girl a little bit older than ds (he's 5 she was probably 6 or 7). They were excitedly running around and ds 'joined in'. The older girl started to shout at ds to 'go away' and 'stop following her'. He didn't.

The more she ran with the excited squeals of the younger children behind, the more he chased after them. When she stopped to shout at him again, he clasped her with both hands and laughed. It was gentle. I saw it.

She screamed and screamed and went running to her mother. DS laughed and followed her again and stood next to the parent waiting for the game to ensue once more.

Because he was there, the mother started to have a go at ds for whatever it is the little girl was whinging about.

I went up and aplogised saying 'sorry, ds has autism. He doesn't understand that some people don't like cuddles' to which I received a cats bum face.

What I should have said is 'Your little girl is an intolerate whingy cow and if she can't play nicely with children in an inclusive way then she's going to have problems in later life!'

Oh well. Next time.

I've just apologised for dd several times in an hour long trip to town to get shoes. She couldn't cope at all so "became" a bird and ran ahead flapping her arms and would only communicate by squawking. She has no idea of being in the way so was running in front of people and is fairly impossible to catch and hold onto when she's like that so it was a case of getting out asap-I apologised to one woman who she got in the way of when escaping from me yet again and she just scowled so I tutted loudly. Often want to retract an apology!

We are now home and having had a fairly tricky play situation yesterday I texted DP tearfully saying right I am staying in all summer I can't face the fight to get her out the house then the fight to get her back in again and the looks and told him about her being a bird now (usually its a dog so at leasts he was walking/running not on all fours). Can see the funny side of it a bit now but am feeling a bit trapped and she is wild today.

Sympathy anyway. Was just thinking when I win the lottery I will open a safe haven for families of children with SN that is open all the time and they can just drop into when they can't face being anywhere else but need to get out.

Do you know, have just come back from a trip to get new shoes for DS2 and feeling upset that it is so hard to do the simple things, even though today DS coped quite well. He took his transformer megaton in a plastic Tupperware jar with us and this seemed to keep him happy today!

The man in the shoe shop was lovely which helped too. Now if I can just figure out a way to help DS1 to be able to go out for a bit I would be over the moon. Sorry, am quite low today but it has helped to know it is not only me. I usually if stressed end up apologising too for the boys. X

Starlight - I was having a conversation last week about a child that won a behaviour award at school. In front of some, he seems lovely, but his mask slips every so often and I can see him for the snidey, whingey, get others in trouble type - and I would rather my DS didn't have him as a friend.
DS3s real friend is one heading for a statement. He is as he is, no side to him. He is as genuine as can be. I would rather DS3 had all friends like that than be stuck with shallow self seeking types.
Intolerant whingy cow will get her come uppance - she'll meet someone who plays like her

I apologised for DS on the beach the other day but I did it in such a way that I made it clear I thought they had wrongly misjudged him.

DS1 and 2 were carrying rocks to put in puddles and a little toddler (about 2) was stood by one with Boden mummy holding his hands. DS walks straight up and drops a massive rock in the pool front of them, splashing them both and making the little boy cry.

I shouted 'sorry' and she tutted and shook her head. I shouted 'I said I'm really sorry' and she just started talking to her Boden pal.

When we got up to leave, I walked over to them both and said, 'I am really sorry about that. My son has Asperger's and just doesn't take in what's going on around him like other children. He will be devastated to know he has upset you and I would hate for you to think he has no manners, so I thought I would come and explain'

Cue Boden mummies expressing sympathy and lots of nice words about how 'sweet' he is and how 'sweet' I am to come over and apologise.

I think the things is - people don't know what you mean. Schools and ASD outreach teams don't understand autism so heaven help the person in the street.

Use it as an opportunity to educate. But you were right to apologise too. There is never any harm in saying sorry ans then explaining.

I was at Soft Play Centre last week with the younger two DSs. We were in the upstairs section while everyone was climbing, playing etc. Upstairs they have rooms to promote symbolic and imaginative play. Hairdresser, shop, garage etc. A little girl of about 8 was sat in the corner of the garage area holding a book screeching. Kids were running everywhere, there were no adults nearby supervising her. The mums I was with were going to go up to her to ask her to stop screeching, but I stopped them saying that IMO she was probably Autistic and that the screeching was a coping mechanism for feeling out of her depth.
Once all the noisy boys had left the room, she calmed down and ventured out of her corner. That's when I noticed her school jumper had the name of a local school for ASD and AS. I was very glad that I had stopped the mums from speaking to her. I felt sad for her feeling so panicked and on her own.

How wonderful that mini star was joining in! Shame about the horrid girl, but he's just starting out in the complicated world of social interaction.
Don't be too hard on yourself either, its new to you too.

Maybe that's why I'm a bit cross. I was so proud of DS for making social attempts yet he was being rejected and worse told off!

This is all our children though isn't it?

I know Star, it is hurtful to see them so easily judged and dismissed when they are trying so hard.

That's what makes us so angry.

Went to park yesterday afternoon and apologised about 3 times. First was he was playing with his sister and cousin cowboys and indians a boy crawled out from a tunnel and DS automatically said "great a horse!" and promptly jumped on the boys back slapping his backside saying yeeeeeehaaa! Cue the boy angrily shrugging DS off and go moaning to his mum that my son was jumping and hitting him.

Next was he found his voice echoed up the metal slide and screamed high pitched up through it to his hearts content. A child went to go down it guided by the parent but the time I rushed to grab DS at the bottom it was way too late and the little girl was crying her eyes out due to his scream.

Third? DS walked past a group of older boys hanging around and one was drinking pop but spat it out on the ground as DS went by. DS thought he was spitting at him and turned round and spat back right at him but as the others were commenting stop in a shout he turned and spat at them too.

I had the "hes weird", "your kid should learn manners"

By then I think all the parents were in a circle around the edge of the play park keeping their kids away it was not a good day.