Child with Social Communication Difficulty and how they understand...

[DayDreamingDaisy]

Just wanted some advice really. DS1 is 11 and has recently been diagnosed with Social Communication Difficulty and is now under assessment for ASD. CAMHS have asked the place he goes for schooling at the moment to treat him, behaviour wise, as an ASD child.
Today at the education setting he currently attends he was advised, as we left, to practise his quiet voice over the holidays as the volume of his tone was upsetting some of the other children.
I thought what she was saying may be a bit hard for him to understand - would he understand what she meant - does he hear his own volume (I sometimes wonder) and does he understand how his loudness affects others?
I tried to speak to him about this when we got home and it all ended in a meltdown and now I feel really guilty. Can anyone offer me any advice?

Mmm, and I think that children in wheelchairs should practise their walking skills as that's upsetting the other children too. Also, children who are Blind should stop using Braille or assisted communication devices, as those might be upsetting. Whilst we're at it, perhaps the children with dypsraxia could stop dropping things in an upsetting way, and those with epilepsy must of course stop having seizures, as those are particularly disruptive. Can you tell I'm practising my sarcasm skills on the school?

Generalising, people on the autism spectrum cannot hear their own tone of voice or voice loudness. So how exactly are we to do something about it? Yes, we can possibly improve it a bit, but it's a feature of the disability. I'm not impressed with schools that put the onus on children to do the adapting so that others aren't distressed by them having a disability. I'm really not. It seems to me that they have a lot of learning to do about autism.

Thanks Amber..... I had a feeling this may be the case. I can understand their issue as he is attending a hospital school at the moment and the (very few) children there all have serious issues. I just got the feeling she was saying his place there was not merited (then again she is a TA and does not live with us), with how she worded it to him. She was quite brisk and direct.
I will speak to CAMHS about this over the holidays and see how best to proceed.
Issue is he also has MH problems and so we are struggling to find the right educational setting for him and are on waiting lists for an interim SS to get him to the right place mentally to be able to resume MS school. Also to get a statutory assessment done so he returns to MS with the right support in place.
A real minefield - and today has not helped.

I have to say that there is literally no way that DS2 could do this on a regular basis. He can occasionally whisper for a minute or two if reminded, but this rarely happens, and to be honest he just doesn't know to adjust his volume on his own.

I've read that singing can help people 'tune' and modulate their voice. Obviously that would take time to have an effect.

im forever saying "turn the volume down" down to my 7 year old aspie son, i say it out of habit more than anything because it doesnt have any affect , yes the excessive talking and noise is a pain but they cant help it........i put cotton wool in my ears when it gets too much !

Having two deaf children, can mean that they have difficulty regulating their volume. Understandable I think. Having also got an Aspie child whose volume regularly goes up and down you learn to live with it and try and remind him to speak a bit quieter. The TA sounds er very er tolerant. Not. Sorry that you're having to work on something that is obviously part of who he is.

I would ask the TA who has made this decision and speak to that person about how hard it is for your ds. Or has the TA decided this for herself.
Are they providing speech and language therapy at all? sensory OT support? It's not necessarily something that ds can control.

This is all very new to us to be honest, we are on a rather long and complicated journey at the moment. We only found out about the Social Communication Difficulty about 2 and a half weeks ago, were told it was a concern but probably more linked to attachment disorder. Then 3 days later were told they were going down the ASD route as this seemed more likely. Now CAMHS are reluctant to confirm ASD because of the life changing implications until they are definitely sure, but as DS1 was adopted there are big chunks missing out of the development from birth although I have been able to provide some early years reports for them. At the moment the only involvement is with CAMHS as he is undergoing therapy relating to trauma from his early life. The only thing I know about ASD is what I have read on here and on NAS website.
I do think the TA made this up herself - said it in front of 3 other students to make a point. Thing is he is only at the school 3 mornings a week and has only been there 5 weeks so they do not know him, or see him in other settings. They were advised by CAMHS yesterday to "treat him as a child with ASD" - to make things easier for him..... hmmmmm, that works then!
We are at a theraputic unit on Monday with him so I will have a chat with them as they report through to the school and get their input on whether they think the TA was correct with what she did and how we can best help him to "lower the tone".
Funnily enough DS1 is a very talented singer (in a choir) but sadly he is also loud, a lot of the time!
Thanks for all the responses - like I say, it is a minefield.