I'm worried about DS's anxiety and changes in his behaviour, can anyone help me to help him?

[FlyingFig]

DS's teacher spoke to me this morning as she's concerned about DS, over the last 2 weeks he's become extremely tearful at school, crying on and off for most of the day. It's little things that are setting him off (well not little to him), such as making a mistake on his work but also his refusal to accept that the other children aren't always acting with malice towards him (for example another child accidentally stood on DS's foot yesterday but he point blank refuses to accept these incidents as accidents so ends up wound up and cross, thinking people have deliberately set out to hurt him).

He's also started to say he doesn't want to do his school work and refusing when asked to do it; this is really out of character for him as he's always been a stickler for rules and regulations. The teacher is finding ways of compromise but she admits she doesn't always know if she's doing the right thing by DS. The SENCO suggested talking DS to a quiet area on his own when he's getting wound up, but the teacher says she doesn't want DS to feel he's being singled out, she's also concerned DS will cotton on and think if he refuses to do his work he'll get to leave the classroom?

I haven't noticed much of an increase in stress at home, apart from him saying he's "had a bad day" but not telling me much, other than saying classmates are 'selfish' as they won't listen when he wants to tell them something and that 'people who smile when they say sorry don't mean it, they're tricking' (!), those two are things that have really bothered him this week

I feel sad and worried about him, he's 6 btw.

We have no ASD diagnosis (can't seem to get one either), but a diagnosis of low muscle tone, hypermobility, dyspraxic tendencies (can't get an official diagnosis for dyspraxia either!), auditory processing difficulties and sensory difficulties. He has an IEP.

I don't know who to turn to or how to help DS, any advice would be much appreciated.

My ds has used an Alphasmart for typing his work at school since last year, but will soon be getting a laptop, as its part of the provision in his statement, which we have just received the draft of.

He learned to type using the Dance Mat typing programme and really enjoyed doing it.

We still make sure he does some handwriting though, as obviously its a skill he'll need throughout life. He has to write in maths and attends a handwriting group once a week, although the other children are all working on cursive and he is working on his print and equal spacing, as this was what the OT advised for him. His teacher also tries to encourage him to write in science whenever possible.

He's also a right old telltale and it definitely makes him unpopular with his classmates. He loves nothing more than telling other people off for breaking the rules - although of course there are certain rules that in his opinion simply don't apply to him.

flyingfig I had to laugh at not knowing what goes on in your DS's circle of friends group. I asked DS2 what happened in his social skills group. He told me that it was a secret club and that he wasn't allowed to tell anyone about it - well rules are rules so it meant that he couldn't tell me! I did manage to glean that on 2 occasions there were only 2 of them there - very social! Does have echoes of 'fight club' though. I can just hear it: The first rule of the social inclusion group is there is no social inclusion group
moosemama DS2 is 7 in a couple of weeks. Nobody has ever professionally suggested looking at behavioural issues with him - apart from 1 community paediatrician who thought that his diarrhoea was behavioural - the gastroenterologist soon put that into perspective!
I just think he suffers from anxiety issues and confidence, which unfortunately I do believe stems from how his older brother treats him.

Auntevil, we had exactly the same with ds1. They insisted his diarrhoea and weightloss was anxiety based at first. He is now gluten free on their advice (which has helped a lot, but not completely cured the problem) and has some odd/anomalous blood results that they are scratching their heads at.

moosemama - yep, DS2 is dairy and gluten free as per gastro's advice. It has made a big difference - but isn't the cure all that I'd hoped for. DS3 is the same - and it has made another big difference.
flyingfig is your DS on holiday now? Has it made any difference to his anxiety knowing that he doesn't have to go to school for a bit?

Interesting about the dietary changes you're both implementing; DS has a long history of gastro trouble, he required surgery when he was 2 for GERD but still needs to take Zoton as the surgery didn't eliminate the reflux entirely. He had a milk protein intolerance that he started to outgrow at 2.5 years but can only tolerate small amounts even now. He's had at least 3 blood tests for coeliac and an intestinal biopsy to definitely rule it out as he was presenting with so many symptoms. He's a right fart box, can clear a room in 30 seconds and has stomach pains daily, which absolutely cripple him.

auntevil Yes DS is on holiday, so far he's happy, still in his pyjamas (he'd live in them if he could!), but I've noticed one of his tics has returned and he's been in his room with the door shut, glued to his DS for over an hour. Going to take the DCs to town which will upset him, but I can usually get round that by promising a cone of chips (although even then he will insist they're from the same chip shop, just like he only likes to visit the same hairdresser!).

FlyingFig, ds1 tested negative for coeliacs as well. We had done a short stint gluten free the year before and found it made a huge difference - the diarrhoea stopped and he suddenly started to grow.

The Paed was suspicious that the coeliac test might have been inaccurate, as ds had had an awful vomitting and diarrhoea virus shortly before the blood was taken and had barely eaten anything, let alone gluten for about 10 days. We then got sent to see a useless NHS Dietician, who discharged us saying he had a fantastic diet and there was nothing she could help us with. About the only useful thing she did was to agree with us and the Paed that, according to ds's food and digestive issues diary it would be advisable for him to remain gluten free. They both agreed there was a clear correlation in his diary between digestive problems and eating foods that contain gluten. No help with gf food prescription wise though unfortunately, as not 'officially' coeliac.

Ds suffered from reflux and stomach cramps, as well as explosive diarrhoea and stetorrhoea pretty much from weaning onwards - until we removed gluten. He hasn't had reflux since and no longer gets the cramps, although he does still get incidences of diarrhoea and stetorrhoea, as well as poor growth and weight loss, for which the paed is monitoring him. They have tested his pancreas and liver, which fortunately were fine, but he still has some odd blood results that they can't get to the root of.

LOL at "fart box" flyingfig with my 3DS - and by the sounds of it, moosemama DS - maybe we could set up a band - wind section at least!
DS3 had colonoscopy, DS2 had endoscopy - both negative for coeliac, but both now dx as intolerant as exclusion diets have worked.
That stetorrhoea link was very interesting - DS2 does what we affectionately call "blockers" - which float and have a unique odour (far TMI - sorry!) I reckon DS2 only stays the weight he does (still skinny though - and more than 2 centiles less in weight than height) through constant eating.
Does anyone else reckon that if they could sort out the eating side of things that their DCs would feel happier inside, and correspondently happier outside - more relaxed?

Ah now y'see, ds would be no good in a band - strictly silent but deadlies from his direction!

Ds2 eats twice the meal sizes that dh does and almost three times his brother's yet is never higher than around halfway between the 2nd and 9th centiles for weight and more often than not, hugging the 2nd centile.

I definitely agree, that if we could sort his digestion out he'd be a much happier child.