social skill groups and sensory groups

[claw4]

Does your child attend these groups in school, if so, how do school monitor progress?

Apparently my ds attends a social skill group and school can show me nothing of this, no programme, no targets etc. They know he is making progress, as they see it in the class room.

Same as the 'jump ahead' group he attends in school for motor skills and sensory difficulites.

yes, ds1 attends a social skills group at school
we don't get a lot of feedback on a daily/weekly basis, but they do sometimes comment in his home-school book to say what they're focussing on and to ask if there is anything we'd like them to work on.
likewise, if I were to ask them what he has been doing and how he is getting on they're always more than happy to answer any questions

i think it's pretty poor if your school can't even tell you what targets they're setting your son or what they're working on

DS2 attends pyramid club which is a social skills club. (after school)

They don't monitor progress - but in this case I can tell its working. For example the first week he wasn't able to tell me who was in the club with him. Now he's able to talk about the other kids by name.

This is a standard intervention they run, and I feel this is the correct first step for him. If after its finished I still feel he needs more help, I will ask for something better then.

He also does fizzy. I don't think they measure progress for that, and I haven't seen any evidence that it is or isn't working. But the OT recommended it so I'm happy he's doing it.

Dd3 attends a formal social skills group which she is taken out of class for, we have to sign a form for this. Last terms was raising self esteem and this term is looking at emotions. I dont really get any feedback from Dd3 but i can speak to the senco any time about it.

She also has informal lunchtime sessions a couple of times a week where they are working on maintaining friendships, this is something she finds very difficult. Again i dont get feedback from her although i am not sure she is even aware that it is a group session.

We are lucky to have such a good sen team.

Thanks for the replies.

Indigobell, ds isnt even aware that he goes to any groups, although i think he does attend a social skill group. If i ask ds to tell me who his friends are he will rattle of a list of names, but he has never been invited for a play date or to a birthday party. He also says that he has '86 girlfriends' so im not sure he actually gets the 'friends' bit either.

What i see in the playground, when i take him to school or to pick him up, is ds attempting to talk to other children and them totally ignoring him. I see ds talking and the other child looking the other way or walking away from him.

Claw, that's so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry

Thanks Stabby, i think its more heartbreaking to watch, as ds seems unaware that the children are totally blanking him. When they walk away, he follows behind still chatting away. They literally have to tell him to 'go away' before he realises.

The most heartbreaking bit is that professionals who have observed him have seen the same or him just pacing up and down in the playground not attempting to engage with any other child and school still insist this is just a 'snap shot' and that he has no difficulties socially, which in itself is bloody stupid as he has autism, if he didnt have any problems socially, he wouldnt have autism!

I think ds hides it well or maybe isnt easy to spot to an untrained eye in a playground of 100's or a classroom of 30. In a social skill group, he would have no problem with turn taking, he would sit quietly while others took their turn to speak, but he wouldnt be listening to a word they say.

Ds has just started his emotional literacy group. I'm not sure what they do, as he rarely responds to my questions.

I know they are baking cakes on Friday, as I had to sign a form.

Claw, sorry about your DS. I am heartbroken too this morning as DS has been excluded from a party of one of his so-called best friends.

Seems the other children are now noticing that he is different, but I do expect better from the mothers :(

Oh Devilin, thats horrible

Ds's 'best friend' or who ds refers to as his best friend, who in fact, just blames ds for things he does as he knows ds will not speak up, had a party recently. He told ds 'you cant come, my mum says you are a horrible boy'

I think mothers can be just as cruel as kids sometimes, if not worse, as you say they are old enough to know better.

My DD attends a social group. It was set up by a TA with the support of the Behaviour Support Team. The BST contact is in regular communication with the TA via e-mail and going in to school to observe and she e-mails me to let me know how the observation has gone. The TA lets me know every week or so what theme they are working on that week. This contact ebbs and flows wen there are other things going on. Prior to the termly multi-agency meeting the TA, BST contact and I have a "pre-meeting" to discuss how the social group is going and how it is helping DD in class.

We all agreed that the TA would set up and run the group. She picked out a group of children who she thought would also benefit (eg those who suffered from lack of confidence, had been bullied etc), and who she thought DD would get along with and it has been presented to the children as the chance to act as ambassadors for the year group.

The group hasn't been running for very long but DD's behaviour is much better, she seems happier in school and, best of all, she is developing some friendships with the children in the group.

The stories on here are heartbreaking, I hope you get better support.

Claw, was just reading you other thread, (was so used to seeing your old threads as claw3, it was a bit of a shock to see that 3 had moved to 4!!), and obviously your problems are so deep, so much school lying that the problems with the socail skiils club are just the surface.
But I do understand that 'unable to differentiate between genuine and fake friendship'. I wrote that, in my recent SA Request. I think it is quite a common thing, especially for AS boys. Pains me to see in my ds. My ds has no idea if the boys in his class like him. is terrible for me to view.
He has no idea that he even has friendship issues. His naievity is kind of sweet. But kind of makes it even worse. makes me so sad.
Just offering some sympathy. Don't have any expereicne to be able to offer any suggestions or advice, I am afraid.

Thanks for replies, was just wondering if i was expecting too much from a social skill group.

Oblomov LOL@ moved to 4, no i havent added any claw's, but i do have 2 extra step children now, so it should actually be 5! (both with ASD)

Thats exactly it, ds just thinks that everyone likes him, even when they hit him or tell him to go away. When i ask what makes a good friend he can tell me someone who is nice to him, he knows that hitting isnt nice, but just cant seem to put it all together. The naievity is sweet, and would remain sweet, as long as they didnt have to mix with the rest of the world, isnt it!

Martial arts is I have fonud a really effective way to build up fluency in this area, with its emphasis on group and partner work ,standing up for yourself, listening to instruction and so on.

I'd rate regular attendance at one far more highly than I would at a social skills group umless latter is intensive, evidence based, with clear targets, definable behaviour and data collection, all of which is shared with parents and other school staff.

Thanks Moondog, we did try martial arts, ds found it quite difficult with all the shouting, he also found the copying of the movements quite difficult (lots of sensory, low muscle tone, poor coordination etc, etc) We also tried a local social club, which did lots of arts and crafts, something ds enjoyed for a short time, but then refused. This is typical ds, he fits in for a short period before his difficulties or differences become apparent to other children or indeed himself.

That is exactly what i was asking school for, without any targets or measuring, how did they know that ds was making progress. I was given a load of waffle about not everything is measurable and they 'just notice' progress. When i asked how they 'just notice' ie does someone observe ds, i was told no, class teacher 'just notices his social interaction in the class room'. Something that experts have never witnessed in the classroom.

That's not good enough.
You know it and so do they.

Did you talk to Martial Arts people about how to help him?Many really focus on building up confidence in kids like this.
How about using extra reinforcement to get him to keep going?
It's important to build up the skill of tenacity and commitment for all of us. Dropping out of things just bilds up grater feelings of inadequacy sometimes.

It is hard-for all of us. (I've reluctantly dragged out my gym stuff because I know I have to commit although a day on the sofa with the paper beckons.)
But consistency is the key.

If you have let things slide then you must reconsider that. That's my advice.
Show you are serious and disciplined in your approach and school will be more inclined to pull their socks up.

Excuse shocking spelling.
Dh reading over shoulder (Bugger off, man!) and distracting me.
On that note, off to do a bit of running!

claw4 - DS2 went to a social skills group at school. He was recommended to go on it because he had been bullied, has no friends and shows signs of anxiety. I received absolutely no feedback whatsoever, but the teacher that recommended him to be on it, admits that he has not shown any improvement at all, and in some aspects, he is now worse than before.
I felt it to be a tick box exercise to confirm that the school had taken the issues of being bullied seriously and that it would be added to some statistic or other that is sent off to prove that the school 'adds benefit'.
So you are not alone in not seeing improvements, but as you know, there is no one size fits all approach to any child, so looking for alternatives, such as the martial arts idea, might be another size to try.

Moondog, yes they seemed really understanding, but like some others just didnt 'get it'. Maybe we should give it another go, maybe a different martial art, now he is older.

Auntevil, i think you are right, with this school, i think its just a case of being seen to do something for all the children who attend the social skill group. I wouldnt mind if school would actually say they are seeing no improvement, rather than he is making progress, based on nothing.

I have come to realise that i am better off with DIY help.

Obviously martial arts is very challenging to a child with co-ordination problems and hypersenstive hearing and all the other problems typical of a child with a dx of ASD.

There's a fine line between 'persevering' and 'pushing too much'

A fine line between achieving and being proud of yourself, and realising that despite working hard you'll always be the worst in the class.

Martial arts is great for lots of kids. But for lots of kids with ASD it would not be a good choice.

There are quite a few children with communication and sensory issues (including my own) at the club my children attend. The staff go out of their way to accommodate the needs of those children. There is a lot of fun, lot of games, lots of group and partner activity (and noone is ever left out).

Tem minutes practice every night of the moves with their father is now part of our everyday routine and their resultant familiarity with the moves has made a huge difference to their confidence and physican and social presence.

Best money I've ever spent.

Ds was never left out and the instructor was very good with young children, although ds didnt understand the 'jokes' or 'banter'. It was more the physical side, he has hypermobility, so his punches and kicks were very feeble. He found it impossible to copy movements, so the 'sequences' he couldnt do, even star jumps or punching with one hand and bringing the other to his side at the same time, he couldnt do.

It's about attitude and trying your best, (whatever your best might be) more than the quality of your moves.
Did you learn the moves yourself so that you coud help him with them at home?
That's what we did.
We went in (the whole family) for an hour with the instructor and then wrote the moves down on a piece of paper and stuck it up.
Now we are all more fmailiar with karate, as they progress a belt, we have a quick practice every once in a while so we always know the moves.

I choose Taekwondo as i did this for many years and could help ds at home too, i even knew the instructor, same one as i had.

The not being able to do the moves, had the opposite effect on his confidence, it was difficult for him as he obviously was trying his best, it wasnt that he had poor moves, he just couldnt do the moves at all.

Well obvioulsy that wasn't for him.
I was trying to see if there could have been ways to lessen the stree and increase the enjoyment but it looks liike you thoguht them al lthrough nayway.

It was 2 years ago and i would be happy to pursue it again, if ds wants to. I could ask him see what he thinks, can only try i suppose

At the moment he has no outside interests or hobbies.

Mayber give it another go then?
It's impotant for us all to have something beyond school and work.Getting them used to this at a young age will make it so much less stressful when he is older.