Are these asperger's traits?

[accessorizequeen]

I hesitate to ask on this board, it feels really trivial but could really do with some advice about 8yo ds. I have little knowledge of Aspergers or ASD aside from basic googling and I don't wish to trivialise it. But my paed father has suggested previously that ds 'lacks social skills', particularly lack of empathy and inability to 'read' reactions from others particularly peers. And it's just becoming more and more obvious that ds doesn't 'get' why people react they way they do, why other children don't want to do exactly what he does, why they don't want to be shouted at and leave, he genuinely seems bewildered. When he pushes and pokes and winds others up he doesn't seem to even acknowledge that he's upset them and just starts again, usually placing the blame on the other child. But some of this to me just seems like your standard 8yo boy, I mean they are quite self-involved.
I'm finding it hard to put my finger on what is 'not right' about his behaviour but there is something not right and he seems increasingly unhappy and angry with his social interactions especially with his 3 younger siblings. They won't do what he tells them, in the prescribed order (5yo ds2 and 3.6yo dts) and he then gets completely hysterical about the unfairness of this. I have referred to these as tantrums before but it now seems more than that, he's unable to cope with other people's behaviour when it doesn't align exactly with his. He seems to have no empathy when someone is hurt or upset, I don't think it registeres. Same goes when he interacts with me and dp, my dm and her dh. It doesn't just seem like temper, he seems to have no ability to control his anger and upset and this has been a problem since he was 3. Within a matter of minutes he is hysterical over a minor detail and cannot calm down. He gets like this daily with a 'big' hysterical outburst and several smaller ones. He was crying and hyperventilating tonight about a maths homework sheet within 30 seconds of encountering a problem.

In addition, he talks in a monologue to anyone who will listen (or even those who don't) without seemingly taking a breath for 20 minutes, if I don't distract him he'll keep it up for hours. He doesn't seem to mind/care if I am trying to speak to someone else or doing something else or not interested/listening. He'll keep going until something else captures his imagination. There are days when this has driven me mad.

His rages and attitute towards the rest of the family are dominating at the moment, and it's gone up a notch just as I thought life was improving (I am recovering from a 2year spell of severe depression, financial problems easing etc). But I mostly fear for him, and how unhappy he seems at times when there is any conflict (from his perspective). He can be a happy, delightful, sweet, loving boy at other times and the shift is becoming more noticeable in recent months.

Any thoughts?

Sounds like there is something worth investigating certainly.

If you go onto the NAS website and find a list of symptoms, write down the ones you think he might fit and out next to it one or two real life examples, then take list to GP and ask for referral to developmental paed, you'll hopefully get an investigation into his areas of difficulty and what it might mean.

What do the school say?

thanks for such a quick reply. What is NAS? I haven't spoken to school about it really, I've not been able to express until lately what's wrong and they don't seem to have seen any examples of this hysteria which I find odd. How can he control the behaviour in one part of his life and not in another?

We've been via CAMS (spelling?) before as he soiled for a very long time and he's just finished with a paed for that. I did complete a report about him for some sort of group meeting to discuss his soiling (can't remember the proper name!) and I tried to explain it then as they were discussing getting CAMS involved then. They just looked at me like I was loopy.

National Autistic Society.

It might be worth getting hold of one of Tony Attwood's books to help you work out if you think aspergers might be plausible.

Thank you, I'll look up both.

It does happen that DC can behave very well at school and let it all out at home where they feel secure. Soiling (can't remember the proper name either, eneurisis? Or is that wetting?) is also fairly common with ASD, whether due to gut problems or, in my DS's case, poor sensory feedback.

NAS is the National Autistic Society. Their website gives lots of info on Aspergers and other Autistic Spectrum Disorders. Do as Star suggests, put together a list of your concerns, have a look at a symptom list and see how many boxes you tick, with examples. Don't be surprised if you don't tick all the boxes. For AS or ASD, you should have concerns in all three areas of the triad, social interaction, social communication and imagination. Usually some sort of rigidity like a love of routine or dislike of change or limited or obsessive interests.

Oops, crossed.

Thanks Ellen. I think it's encopresis. I had a brief look at NAS just now & pretty puzzled still. What they & you speak of about limited interests doesn't fit with him broadly . He did become hysterical & morose about moving house but otherwise seems to adapt well to change. I think reading more would help. Do symptoms escalate in times of stress for children? Or certain ages?

The 'rigidity' trait is very difficult to understand tbh and I think is the trait that most varies between individuals.

It can refer to simply controlling the topic of conversation, refusing to wear patterned clothes.

Dd seemed neuro typical until about the age of 8/9, she is 15 now and being investigated for asd amongst other problems. She doesn't tick every box which is why I had not thought of it sooner.
The issues you mention do sound worthy of investigation I would say. Good luck x

Yeah, I struggle with the rigidity one with my own DS. He's bloody obviously autistic, though, flaps and everything! But no DC seem to tick every box, in fact they can be chalk and cheese and still get the same DX.

Your DS may well not be on the autistic spectrum at all, but from how you've described him it's worth reading up on and getting a referral to an expert, a developmental paed, to see if anything is going on.

I think 'flapping' comes under rigidity (although personally I think it is more sensory)

Definitely sensory for DS, he's very hypo sensitive. (and gorgeous!)

I would definitely get him investigated. Ds,11,was only dx with Aspergers a year ago . He seemed perfectly normal until about 8 but he also has never been affected by change of routine etc. However, lately he appears to be getting worse with anxiety issues becoming apparent and is very bad at the moment because there is a trainee teacher taking the class for a few weeks. But he will probably be fine again when she leaves and the symptoms will lessen-off again. It is very hard when the question mark of autism/aspergers etc rears its head out of the blue but its far better for your ds if he can now begin to access the support he may need. Good luck.

Thanks all, lots of useful advice but most of all don't feel like we are imagining things and there is a problem.

You are describing a lot of traits that my DS has and he was only dx with Aspergers in Sept at age 11. Your comment about change & stress is spot on. The change to senior school brought it to the fore in him up until then he had coped well. Every child is different & as other mums have said they won't tick all the boxes listed. In terms of help if you have a sympathetic GP talk to them. Our DS's school has an excellent Learning Support team, you could ask to to speak to your SEN manager at school. They can also refer him for assessment. You won't be imagining this, go with your gut feel - mums are usually right!