Nature Vs Nurture (Long - first post here. Sorry)

[Debeez]

First time posting on this board, not familiar with the correct terms and the like so please excuse me if I'm not as clear as I could be.

I was an bright child, VERY chatty and awkward socially although I thought I was the life of the party.

My DP displays signs of aspergers and lacks social empathy for anyone outside of myself and my DS. DP struggled in mainstream school despite being intelligent.

We're both collectors and obviously part of this involves routine and order. We're very happy with our lives and love each other for who we are.

DS appears to be going down the same vein, he focuses on small details, repeats information, lacks understanding of when it is his turn to speak and often ends up in trouble at school because of this. If something doesn't interest him he's off on something else that does and cannot be pulled back. He's a lovely child and is caring in nature towards others. He loves socialising but struggles as he ends up getting too excited. He fixates on certain games or hobbies and cannot understand that these may not interest others. He struggles with changes in routine although this maybe due to the fact DP and I are creatures of habit.

Sorry to ramble, I suppose what I'm getting at is I've suspected for a while my son may be on the Autism scale or have ADHD to some extent. How would we find out if it's a result of myself and my DP's behavior at home and that we are in ways unusual people (although happy to be so) or if there is a condition there that would help us help him day to day?

Big question. There was a recent thread on here with parents of children with asd discussing how many of the boxes they themselves ticked. I'll see if I can find it.

If you're having concerns about your son, your best course of action would be to get a referral to a developmental paediatrician and discuss it. You can most likely get a referral through your GP or school nurse.

Not to dampen your argument at all, but if you're looking to get him any type of support, I would be careful about how you phrase this, as so many parents get the runaround when attempting to get support for their child, as some professionals say it's a parenting problem, when it really isn't.

When you get right down to it, does it really matter to you where it comes from? (and I don't mean that to sound snotty) If he needs support, I would just go with that and get him support. Your behaviour/actions are not going to MAKE him have ASD or ADHD.

Hi - in a similar situation, however the school were only too happy to help out with referrals etc. for my son who was displaying some odd behavoirs at school.

EP wrote a letter to the GP suggesting DS may have some form of autism, and now we have seen the Paed and are awaiting official diagnosis.

I originally thought DS had ADHD (as that's what I thought I had) Huge lightbulb moment when I realised that my family are probably all on the spectrum, and DP has traits too.

According to the ep, people on the spectrum attract partners who are similar to themselves and this is one of the reasons ASD is on the increase.

Actually, I think it's relevant to know where the ASD comes from, if there is a genetic link.

You might be interested in reading simon baron cohen's stuff about extreme male brain. (I can't bear the man, but it has echoes of your rationale, so you might be able to read it and agree/discount as necessary. Just one theory, anyway)

Ds1's psych has a similar but more elegantly phrased theory - 'the apple never drops far from the tree'.

devilinside yes, it's relevant from an interest and personal standpoint, but I would hesitate to make too much of an issue of saying to health professional that I was concerned my child was behaving a particular way because of the way I behave IYSWIM. There are so many parents on here that get pushed into the "it's parenting not SNs" thing, being sent to parenting classes instead of getting support, that I wouldn't want to muddy the waters when attempting to get help.

Interesting question Debeez! Where is the line between genetics and family culture? I think you need to add environment into the mix too. I believe that plenty of borderline aspie types can be perfectly happy in the right situation. 21st Century Boys is an interesting book which hypothesizes that its our current environment that's the problem.

Are you worried that you and dp could / should be modelling behavior that would keep him out of trouble at school?

Thank you all for your replies. As time is limited for me this evening I just wanted to show my appreciation of your detailed responses, I'll be on tomorrow AM.

Thank you all again.

Triggles, shall certainly start with the GP. I'd hope it's not a parenting issue, we like to think we'd come across as good parents, regular bedtimes, help with homework, healthy diet and a range of activities. You didn't come across snotty at all, I agree I couldn't make him have any condition regardless of intent, however I am unsure how to tell if there is something there or if it's just weird old mum and dad's behavior coming through iyswim? Loud parents raise loud children, musical parents tend to have more musical children etc.

Devillin I read your response with interest too. No doubt one of the reasons DP and I are drawn together is our love of collecting things and information. I'm cautious of starting at the school as despite my sons unusual behavior he's doing well academically and it not being the greatest school I envisage if more support is needed a GP letter or other HP letter would be the first thing requested. I know parents with children who have differing needs have had fights to get the support.

madwoman I'll be reading anything that can help me help my son so thank you for the refferal and I'll agree this apple fell right next to mummy apple.

oodles you post made me smile. I'd like to think if there is anything there we've created a nice environment for my son to flourish. He's so happy in himself and so well behaved and bright. It's the social side of things and changes of routine that are his tricky bits. But I can't make people be nice to him or stop the school from giving him 3 different teachers in a week. I don't think Dp and I model bad behavior as such but we can be obsessive and are a bit different in our interests. We have no diagnosis between us but there wasn't so much help when we were small.

I feel better just chatting this through. Sorry if I've gushed on about how wonderful I think my son is too, didn't mean to be precious. Just hard to say "I think there's something wrong" about someone whom I think is the bestest person in the world.

Thank you all for your lovely responses.