Think I just need to get this out......

[nothinginthefridge]

It's going over and over in my head so I think I just need to get it down and then hopefully I can move on.

DS2 moved to language unit in February. We have been really pleased overall with his progress. Friday however, it all came out that he is being bullied, so wrote to school via e-mail Monday morning, saying not sending DS in until something was sorted. Kids have been pinning him down, hitting him, punching him, kicking his lunch around, making him buy things with money on his account etc etc.

School phoned on Monday. "We don't believe him". But obviously something is wrong, can you come in first thing. Took DH with me, and basically it was, we don't believe him, he is obviously making this up, we've asked the kids who have said nothing is going on. There's a high level of support in his class, and none of the teachers or support staff have seen anything. Must be something else that is upsetting him.

They then begin to say that DS said when in a class discussing emotions, another child said "if that annoyed me I would say....." (school didn't say what). DS said "ooo, I wouldn't be allowed to say that at home, I would get shouted at".

Therefore, school said it is home where he is feeling he cannot "express himself", and therefore this is why he making these things up!

We then asked them to speak to DS (they hadn't at this point and weren't going to). DS broke down, was terrified of going into school, explained when it was happening, who was doing it.

Needless to say, look of shock on both teachers face. They had got it wrong completely. They now believed DS!

DS stayed in school Tuesday. Had a fire alarm, when got back to class one of kids had him pinned behind a door and wouldn't let him out, swearing at him for 'grassing'. Teacher saw it all, so I think they are now eating one massive chunk of humble pie.

However, it's left me feeling totally stunned that they tried to turn this around and blame it on us, and thought DS was a liar.

Sorry for extremely long post, just need to get this out as I am so upset.

That is terrible.
Poor you.

When you have calmed down a little, it would be good to write a factual and unemotional (hard I know) account of the whole thing, with names, dates and places.

What is important from now on is to focus on how things will change for everyone as adirect result of this.

Moondog. Thank you that's a very good idea, I think I will do that now.

They have put in place lots of things now to ensure he is safe, although Tuesday evening he came out in shingles (again) so he's not in school for the rest of the week.

I am convinced, now they believe him, that things will improve. I'm just upset that they didn't believe him initially and were so quick to add 2 + 2 and make 5 (without showing their working out, if you know what I mean).

Yes, and with good reason.Lesson to learn is that when people are angry or frightened or upset, there is usually a valid reason.

You sound lovely. I hope it continues to go well for your boy in the unit.
Letting staff know you are on the ball and aware of all that goes on (not in a spying accusatory way but as a caring parent who wants to contribute to your son's development) is the best way to keep him happy and safe and get the best out of the staff.
I speak as one who has spent over 15 years working in specialsit schools and units.

You poor thing. And your poor son. Very frustrating for you.

Moondog's advice is very good - as usual!

I think the school will have learnt a lesson and hopefully will value your opinions in future.

Thanks again moondog. I think to be fair to the resource unit, it was DS old school who may have 'planted' the idea that DS doesn't always tell the truth with them. The old school never believed what he said, preferring to believe the teachers rather than him. SENCO at the last school was the biggest liar of them all I'm afraid.

Just wanted to say sorry to hear this and hope it works out.

Regards

Richmond

How awful OP!

Agree that you should make a record of events to submit. Not an accusatory one, just factual ending it with thanking them for now working with you to put strategies in place.

This document will be you are you child's insurance policy for the future.

Thanks everyone. You are all so lovely

I have learned more from this site than I could have ever imagined. I might not post a great deal, but I am an avid lurker, and the knowledge on this site is second to none.

You're right NITF.
I was saying the same to my dh just now as I was perusing the website of a well known organisation (not going to name) that purports to 'support' children and parents of children with a communication disorder/delay.

I told him MN offers more useful information on this topic in a day than this organisation does in a year. They have nothing to offer me (as a parent of such a child).
Nothing

The best thing about MN SN board is that parents are quite literally doing it for themselves.

Apparently so in too many cases Zzzzzz.
'Special Needs provision' has now completely disappeared up its own fundament and many people involved can no longer see the wood for the trees.

What makes me cross is that I know that so many LA staff will be going on a jolly that is the 'autism show' when there are so many better uses of a day of their attention!

zzzzz post if you feel up to it. I have felt a whole lot better since, I think I needed to hear that this was inappropriate behaviour by the school (even though I told them so myself at the time). Hearing it from others who have SN DC is what I needed.

I think I might sleep tonight without the conversation/situation being on a constant 'loop' in my head throughout the night.

that's dreadful that school took such an unsupportive attitude towards you and your DS, am so sorry your lad went through such frightening times. agree with getting something down in writing, even if it's a diary entry you keep at home for yourself just in case you need it in future.

Hi Nothing.

Your DS's school's initial reaction did not surprise me at all.

My DS used to come home complaining of having been bullied. I went to see the school who denied it. Thye said it was 'all in his mind' and that he wasn't actually being bullied - he just 'perceived' he was being bullied.

As time went on the bullying increased. He would come home with ink and paint on his clothes where someone had daubed him during Art, or with trousers covered in mud because he's been pushed into a hedge, or with chewing gum on his clothes because other childreb would sneak up behind him and put it on his back.

More letters to school and more meetings with them and they were still denying bullying occurred and that DS was just perceiving he was being bullied. I refused to accept that and complained to Head and reminded them they had a duty of care.

As time went on the bullying escalated and school could no longer deny it was happening. He was hit across the head with a chair while in class and school asked us to collect him. I went mad at school - as you can probably imagine. Then he was hit on the head with a plank of wood. I called the Police this time. Then he was assaulted within 10 minutes of arriving at school by a group of boys and sustained a suspected broken nose. He went to A&E and I complained to the Police. Even then school tried to make the Police believe that my DS had 'problems' and didn't see the situation in the same way as other children do. (This was pre-Aspergers dx).

I won't bore you with how this all resolved itself but I took DS out of school on medical advice as he was so traumatised at school's failure to protect him he had a breakdoen.

I'm telling you this because schools do lie to you.

Always believe your child

And never stop being vigilant as there is very little that schools can or will do to stop it and you need to make sure that this behaviour is stamped out once and for all.

Oh my goodness wet! I cannot imagine what you went through. That is disgusting.

As I said, I hope think school have got the message now and they will act. They have given him early passes for lunch and for changing lessons, but I suppose we will see next week. After your post I will be making absolutely sure he is safe. If I have to home school him I will, no doubt about it. I love my job, but I love my DS more so there's no contest.

I made sure I told school that Dr has said he has got shingles because he has been so stressed.

So now you know exactly why I detest schools and the teaching profession in general (which I get slated for saying on here).

Definitely stay vigilant.

These problems never reolve themselves - school must be procative.

And never be afreaid to call the Police, even if the incident takes place in school. The Police are about the only thing that make schools take matters seriously.

Jesus Christ Almighty

nothinginthefridge . I hope your DS feels better from the shingles soon. Also I hope the school will now start to be very proactive.

wetaugust

Ds's school were much more proactive once we had proved to them that all the incidents they knew about ( and some that were not logged) all added up to bullying. It took some time but has been happily resolved.

nothinginthefridge, what a lucky, lucky boy your DS is to have you as his Mum. Truly. Well done for standing firm.