Issues over clash of what we think is best for child (also posted in Lone Parents)

[NotBelieving]

DD1 has Aspergers. It isn't diagnosed, but she does - I am convinced, most people who know her are, but too "mild" for dx. XH sees it as some thing I have created, always has done. Some random thing I use to pander to her quirks.

He wants to take them away camping for a weekend (the eldest two) - Fri & Sat night. This I have no issue with, but they have never been camping, so it is a new experience, a change, she will be unsettled (and probably not sleep as she is a child camping), if not at the time, but when she gets back. She has a school residential trip - her first one - on the Monday morning.

I have said no, it isn't a good idea, she won't cope with both.

He says she'll be fine, if he has a problem on the Friday then they will come home. She was "fine" spending the night at another very new place.

What he didn't have to deal with was the unsettled version of her that I got after that trip.

I don't know what to do. If I just say point blank "no", I can see him taking it out on me (and indirectly them) because he is throwing a strop.

Please can I have advice? Up until now (2 years separated) we haven't had any clashes like this.

Can she go a different weekend instead?

Youbdon't have to blame her aspergers. It could be a bit of a circus for any child to do both together.

It is a specific "thing" rather than just camping, hence that weekend. Any of them, regardless of sn, to my mind would be madness having a hectic weekend before the trip.

Fabulous DP has offered to help me word my reasoning (without AS mentioned) to try to be reasonable but still get my point over.

hello, it's peachy

Well i wouldn't send her- I remember your DD and no, I think it will upset her.

But I would not send any child in those circs either, indeed specific 'things' can be tough on any child (am assuming it's some kind of gathering?) esp one with AS so I would want to start with a quieter trip anyway, build it up a bit. Somewhere like the Forest Campsites out of season, which are not that far from you after all. If they are too basic, Sandy balls is not that far and good for ASD in my experience.

Ds2 has just returned from a school resi- his first- and he was exhausted; very teary. We had a quiet weekend before but he was shattered- had we been away I don't know he would have managed the whole trip.

But there is more to this isn't there? Does he always differ from you with parenting? What are the chances of an actual DX? Where does he get off blaming you for your DD's difficulties anyway?- I seem to remember he has had some faults in the past!

If I was you I would put my foot down and say no. If he is adamant she has no issues then use the other issue of her more than likely being exhausted and not enjoying her school residential. I remember ds1 and ds2 going on camping trips with school and both of them came home drained, whether a child has AS or not they don't sleep while camping. I remember ds2 coming off the bus and every child looked grey, the school even said they didn't have to come to school till lunch time the next day . Turn it around on him, ask him if he would be happy to ruin her school residential because if she is tired it will. Sometimes we have to twist things to get through to these men