paed appointment finally come up after 6months...nervous now!

[osospecial]

Hi, like I said its finally arrived, paed appointment is beginning of next month! I'm really pleased but so nervous now. Any advice on what to expect from this if dd 'fails' the tests? I'm nervous because DP is very much in denial and although I suspect possible ASD I have never said that to him as he always thinks I'm overreacting+it just leads to arguments tbh it is easier to let him hear it from paed if this is the case (also his DN 14 has autism and I think he just thinks DD is not like him, even tho his sis has pointed out similarities when DN was young and asd is such a wide spectrum dd will not be exactly the same)-will a paed actually say at this point if he suspects asd or just ask to see dd again in few months etc? Or is it just dependant on who we see?
Feel so alone in this as me+DP not speaking about it I don't like to discuss it with friends as it feels wrong for them to know more than dp if that makes sense? This is why its so easy+theraputic to vent anonymously on here
I'm hoping aft this paed app we can discuss it+dp will stop saying things like, she will talk when she's ready !!
I have been told paed will test on things like 'can u point to the light' 'can you pass this to mummy?', 'can u feed the baby?' ...etc which I know dd cannot do she understands very little in way of commands+i hate the thought of having to watch her fail these! :(

hi, I believe my son has autism too, my son has just turned 3 and his assessment was at the beginning of jan, my situation is slightly different to yours in that my partner is not in denial about our sons condition however as he has an ongoing medical condition I look after our son most of the time so tend to deal with his symptoms most of the time and also feel very alone, all I can say is that I was told that if they felt dillan had autism they would be able to tell me there and then, this didn't happen which was worse as I was still in limbo about why he is like he is so don't pin too much on a diagnosis there and then However I still believe he is autistic.
Just keep pushing for the help you need as I have sat back and my sons behaviour is now getting worse. You should have a specialist health visitor if you don't have one already and ask for a list of contacts for the specialists involved, ring them and ask for help, get back to me if you need anything or want to talk, think it would be good for both of us, xxx

I feel sorry for you that your DH is in denial, it must be much harder to bear alone. If you can find a local group for parents of autistic children it might help you feel less isolated.

I don't know if the paed will say if ASD is suspected, they seem to be very cautious and prefer to avoid making definite statements, so it might be mooted as a possibility, particularly if you state your suspicions. They will definitely want to make further assessments I should think.

I'm not sure what expectations you have regarding the assessment - my own experience was that the paediatrician observed my DS in a rather bare room within the local health centre. He had my list of the concerns that I had with my DS to refer to, so I suppose although he couldn't hope to see all the traits/behaviours within the restrictive environment, at least he did have notes of the concerns I had observed. The thing to remember with your DD is that you do actually want the paed to see her as she typically is, as this is more helpful towards getting a diagnosis. Of course you will feel sad if she doesn't engage or interact positively with the paed, but please don't think of it as "failure", it's just the way she is.

Thanks missgiggle85 its so nice to speak to somebody who knows how you feel about the uncertainty+the worry about the future. I think the problem with dp is that he doesn't see dd so much with others her age and that's when it really hits home that there is something wrong. He just sees it as language delay when there is a lot more to it, the poor understanding, the lack of eye contact, the disinterest in other people/children, the licking everything+jumping up+down constantly lol!...etc etc. I will post again about how the assessment goes. I know from people on here that even a dx doesn't necessarily mean getting much more help! But I'm hoping aft this dp will realise and at least we can support each other through it??

Thanks stabby, thats def a good idea about writing things down as I do tend to forget to mention some concerns otherwise. I'm not sure what I expect from it, I would like the paed to see what I see and offer some kind of advise on what is wrong+how serious it is I suppose but in reality I think he will just ask to see her again in a few months or something! Is that what they tend to do, just abserve+ask to see them again at a later date?

If it is the first one I would be cautious about getting much further forward tbh. Our area does dx by panel for asd so need salt and setting input. My dh was massively unhelpful and in denial and this was noted in reports (dadf doesn't agree, not dad is in denial iyswim). Dh stopped being in denial after going on holiday and seeing firsthand what I was telling him (he work all the time so doesn't see the dcs in the way I do). It has taken a very long time to get here.

I suppose im trying to let dh come to terms with it in his own time if that makes sense? I have learned such a lot by joining MN and reading/posting on this board for about 6 months but before that i didnt have much of a clue about what was going on with dd.
We had a private salt therapist do a report before xmas (as i wanted help and advice to help dd start talking...i was getting frustrated at nothing working)

dh didnt attend, it actually caused a few arguments because he didnt think we should go private when we were on nhs waiting list and he didnt really think it was necessary anyway ('shes only 2 and will start speaking soon') but i went ahead and booked it anyway and just paid for it myself.

He did actually get upset when the salt report said that dd has significant and severe communication disorder and might need additional help in school (statement) etc, he seemed to accept that then but now i think hes brushed it under the carpet and just thinks/hopes that dd will catch up by the time she starts school (also he has not looked into info on communication disorder to see that it COULD mean ASD (or it can not and just be a condition on its own i think) im not saying i think dd def has asd but its my worry and want to express that concern.

Also as we seem to butt heads over these issue all the time and i get accused of 'overreacting' i would like him to hear from the paed/or similar person that it could mean asd, or even if not, that its still something significant that dd will need help with.

Sometimes i feel like im the only one whos worried about it, until i saw the private salt i thought maybe i was overreacting/reading too much into things. (im still in contact with her and she has been lovely and supportive)

Hi Fio just posted to you on the 'vegepa tastes horrible' thread-the thicker smoothie worked great and she drank it all thanx did you see the post about the free sample of the chewables on there? i have ordered some to try x