ASD and social communication

[thisisyesterday]

really need to work on this with ds1 but I have no idea where to start.

he says really unkind, nasty things to people. he has been vicious to his little brother earlier. he won't stop because "it's true"

how can i get him to understand that even though he may think things it isn't nice to say them to peopole?

how can i teach him that it's best to be kind to others?

DS2 was SO sad this evening because his brother hates him and it makes me want to cry.

things I want to work on with ds1 are:
knowing when it is/isn't appropriate to speak to someone
knowing what it is and isn't ok to say to others (ie, fine to say "you're annoying me" but not ok to say "i hate you because your breath smells")
helping him to read non-verbal language (is this even possible to teach??)

i just don't know where to start. we've tried social stories and he remembers them and he knows what is and isn't ok if you ask him... but in reality when he is actually living it he just ignores it and does what he wants

I can't offer advice but will watch this thread as we have had exactly same difficulties with Ds age 11 recent AS dx.
We too have tried social stories ect and he understands them perfectly but doesn't apply them in real life at all.

maybe it's one of those things that you just can't teach? :-(

I can't prove this, but I'm convinced that empathy is the KEY benefit of having a dog for a child on the spectrum. DS had to be "kind" to the dog and gradually that got generalised to people's feelings and that other people actually could be upset by his actions. Getting him to understand others have feelings was a real battle.

The ex who is AS and has another spectrum kid agrees re the doggy "empathy therapy benefits. (He's been known to visit the dog himself and take her our when he's been upset lol!).

The social stuff has been worked on ABA & 5P style but very gradually and by breaking down the steps. You have to start right at the beginning though with the idea that living beings can be upset and their feelings are just as valid as the child's.

Neither DS or his dad mean to upset people but they just don't realise. DS is getting much better over time. I have to gently point when they upset people. DS does apologise in a meaningful way and tries not to repeat the same mistake twice. He's still 7 so has a long time to learn the diplomacy his Dad was never taught but we can see it happening daily.

We have a dog, but unfortunately she avoids my 4 dc like the plague! She is 13 and will not be with us for much longer .
My youngest ds is deaf and ASD. My eldest DS has Aspergers and has recently started doing fog club at secondary school. He really wants a dog that will let him stroke it, Sally has other ideas about that!

I am thinking that we may start to look into getting a hearing dog, or dog for the disabled as DS3 would benefit massively from having a constant companion.
I do agree that having a dog is a very calming effect on kids in general, but providing that the breed is right. It would be disastrous to get a highly strung dog, one that barks at everything, jumps up etc. Researching the right breed/temperament is essential.

Fog club? Dog club!!

Have you looked at dogs for the disabled schemes they now do a proper child companion dog? It's an adapted version of the adult assistance dog scheme.

Agree re choosing the right breed for need 100%. It took 6 months dedicated help from lurcherlink (a breed rescue) to locate the right dog for us.

Our whippet is perfect for DS but I can see exactly why she wouldn't be the right match for some of his friends. She's a timid soul who appeals to his protective instinct, (so helped build that empathy!) but loves a mad run round the park with him. Very calm and quiet indoors where he thrives on having a calm sanctuary after the stress of the school environment. A non-chewer so doesn't wreck his latest creations/collections. Will tolerate being stroked for hours on end when DS is upset about something.

On my list of things to do! The Hearing Dog for adults is a 5 year wait!!!!

i have looked into getting a dog, but dp isn't keen and i go through phases of "yes, we're definitely doing this" to where I am right now which is "i don't have time for a dog as well"

what we need is someone else's dog to borrow!

We are currently working on keeping some things inside your head with Dd3.

She does say some terrible things at times. The other day when my DGD was chattering on the way to school, Dd3 was clearly finding her chatter annoying and was grumbling and growling in the back ground. When DGD stopped talking I said have you finished telling me that now and she said yes, Dd3 pipes up, "good you can shut up now then!!"

I have been saying " It would be better to keep those unkind words inside your head please, because when you say ......... ii can make people sad"

The trouble with Dd3 is that she doesnt really care

Am watching with interest.