Bad meeting with Ed Psy (sorry, long and moved from SEN board)

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I have been waiting for this appointment for 2 years. Today she went into school, met my DS (8) observed in class, at play & 1:1 for an hour. I then met with her & his class teacher who is also the SENco.

She made some very acute observations of my DS, none of which I disagreed with, and indeed gave me a much greater insight into his behaviour at school.

She very clearly thinks he has ADHD. Dismissed all the work done by the OT, and said that he fits some of the profile for ASD, but not all of it. That we should try her recommendations & that we will see a different child in 2-3 weeks. His social inability to read people, not being able to get jokes, his strong moral code which leads him to think it is ok to hit people if they don't follow the rules...all will be resolved by telling him that his friends will no longer like him if he continues to act this way she was irritated by the fact I didn't just say thank you very much & wholeheartedly agree with her.

Sigh. I'm afraid I vented my frustration at effectively being told something different by everyone we met. I feel like a massive failure.

Having spent a lot of time lurking on this board, I have tried to be as proactive as possible. We have taken him for a private OT referral & was found to have multiple sensory issues which we are dealing with. He has issues with visual processing, auditory processing, a retained autonomic neck reflex all of which we are trying to support.

I have gone to the gp & we had a referral to the child development team. The dr observed him in school, and felt that there were elements of ADHD, sensory issues and ASD. She referred him to the ADHD team to see if that was the main issue.We did the Connor's test. He scored quite high for school, but low at home. We saw the specialist & she completely dismissed the idea of ADHD - to the point of me saying are you sure? He will been seen again in 6 Mths.

Sorry posted before finishing

With regards to ADHD..... He seems completely unable to focus at school, will distract others if he can't do his work. Struggles with playground noise & etiquette.It is also hit & miss - school will tell me that he has had a really good day/week, has produced some excellent work, is incredibly bright, just needs to mature.

I am so confused. I feel that I have no idea to what is going on. I don't feel like we are parenting a typical ADHD child - but is there such a thing? I agree that school presents a good case for it, but it just doesn't fit at home although I concede that there are issues. I said this to the ed psy, and she seemed exasperated that I didn't see it.

I do not know what to do. We will implement her ideas & I will continue to work with the school. I jut feel we are never going to be in a place where we are actively improving things for our DS at school.

Thank you if you have read to the end of this post.

Hi, didn't want to read and run.

Ds1 is ADHD with some asd traits and some social/ anxiety/ phobic stuff. He was only eventually dx in December and is 10 now. He is the original square peg in a round hole and we are still considering home ed.

We paid for a full psycho ed assessment, and he is now having follow up psych appointments.

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone in a confusing quagmire of possible dx. Ds1 is taking by vanes currently, which school are saying is helping enormously with staying on task, but we aren't seeing it at home.

Thanks for the reply. does it get easier? Will I become zen like in my approach to the professionals? (because I feel like I am going a little bit bonkers- I feel consumed by it all.)

What gets easier is you suddenly get a thicker skin, become a PITA to all concerned in fighting for your son with the occasional relapse into self pity when you get a meeting gone wrong or have to fill out a dredded negativity form. It lasts 24hours and you are entitled to it followed by the thick skin growing thicker! Thats me anyways lol

And EP can think all he/she likes but she is not the one to dx. They can pick out signals that something is wrong yes because they see a lot of children but they dont do the assessments required to dx ADHD.

DS is currently under assessment for AS/ASD plus poss ADHD combined but the latter has been found out to be Sensory processing disorder that needs addressing first before adhd can be considered. Its confusing here too. DS has an awful time at school due to noise, concentration etc but can sit at home for a couple hours doing colour by numbers! The ASD side of it means he is anxious in who he meets, and routines upset etc so its quite a complex mix.

I was annoyed to read that the EP thinks its fine to tell a child that his friends wont like him if he doesnt get jokes or understand the moral code etc! That to me shows that he/she hasnt got a clue. This could ruin a childs self esteem that is probably fragile already. The OT helps with his sensory issues so the EP obviously doesnt understand these issues either.

I think well no I actually know I would have vented too x

It does get easier. You develop a thick skin and ways to cope with the "experts". It is horrible to suggest that his friends won't like him and in my non professional opinion, I would say risks damage to self-esteem.

The EP should be suggesting things like small group work to help his social skills, adult direction and role play to encourage talking to peers in the correct manner, turn taking games, team work like gardening with other peers, painting a wall, building something, planning a story together anything to get the ball rolling. NOT telling him that the kids wont like him.

Something like 15% of kids with high functioning autism have either succeeded or attempted suicide by the age of 25.

They are at significant risk of developing mental health problems.

What that EP has done is reduce his social difficulties to naughty behaviour or personality when it is actually caused by his disability. That doesn't mean it should be ignored or just accepted, but it does mean that the solution is a lot more complex than making him feel bad about the things he cannot help on his own.

I thought I was being over sensitive! Tbh I sort of switched off once she dismissed the SPD and said that OT's put everything down to SPD if you let them, and that the only way to deal with his general 'in his friends faces' and antisocial behaviour is to tell him straight that nobody will want to be his friend if he carries on, as the reasoning is clearly not working.

I don't want to be obstructive with regards to the possibility of him having ADHD - but I watched his assessment with the OT and it was utterly illuminating. He will also sit still at home, absorbed with building Lego (following the instruction booklets), colouring etc. he will sit and do homework (sometimes it takes longer to get him down to it, but nothing outrageous)

I had such high hopes for this assessment. DS also informed me that he wasn't wearing his glasses during lessons because he couldn't find them. If he can't focus, then he switches off. It's so frustrating.

Am looking forward to my skin thickening!