My newly diagnosed Aspergers nearly 8 yr old son says he wants a birthday party - help!

[phoebus]

My son who will be 8 at the end of April has just received his Asperger's diagnosis. He has said he would like a birthday party this year (we are relatively new to this area) but I know he has just a few 'friends' at school, and there are limits as to what he can cope with, compared to what other 8 yr old children are probably expecting at a party for this age group. Has anyone got some good ideas / plans to share? things that have worked for you, maybe? he doesn't cope well with organised sporty group games etc as he finds rules hard to follow and he's not that co-ordinated...(time is getting short for planning it all....! ) thanks!

Bouncy castle at end of garden, invite three boys and do "Making your own pizzas" for birthday lunch.

Craft activities? I used to do craft parties for a living & they are ideal for kids like ours if you pick the right activity.

pm me your rough location & his current obession/s and I'll put my thinking cap on ; )

Scalextic or Lego making party for 4 or 5?

My ASD child had a small party with organised games. A theme, to make him feel very important and special (we had Star Wars one year, then Indiana Jones) Decorations. Special Cake. He loved the preparations, although he didn't help much No loud music. Flexibility for children to just peel off and play in garden or with toys, but a few organised "craft" activities. Last year we made miniature gardens with colouredgravel, plastic see through containers to make ponds, and succulents and the odd alpine. Year before we made planets out of playdough for Star Wars. Dressing up guests to theme also proved hit for Ds2 who loves dressing up and guests arriving in costume. A few girls in there too was good, but not so many that they took over. I thinkk absolute key is to keep it small. We always found less people came than invited which was sad, but then party was better as result! 9 invites, 5-6 turn up etc. Don't underinvite, or he will be very disappointed at being let down.
He did have a few flareups but I think organising it/special theme was key. We had treasure hunt too one year. Ball games in garden didn't work!!! Don't feel hurt if he complains about aspects of it afterwards, I think that is just the stress coming out. He always wants another every year!

These are all great and practical, realistic ideas which I'll now be considering...thanks everyone who has contributed so far!

Dd1 (8 with Aspergers) would probably like a 'paint a pot party', one of her favorite days out is to the poole pottery shop where she can paint her own pot, plate or money box so if i could afford it i would take her and a few friends to paint a pot followed by mcdonalds (or similar). She doesn't realy do sport, bowling etc.. as can't handle not wining but she loves a birthday party as she is the center of attention (likes a fuss made of her and lots of people wishing her 'happy birthday), there would have to be a cake and lots of fuss made of her. She would also like a 'build a bear party' but i guess this is too girly (they do have boy bears). What about a pool party? a lot of pools do a swim followed by party food.

We did a bowling party for my sons 8th party, which did not end well!!! for his 9th we took two friends to the cinema, followed by a run/scoot along the seafront & tea in Frankie and Bennies.

Heres the weird bit, he didn't want a party at home because he didn't want everyone singing happy birthday, however he was happy with the whole restaurant of stangers singing to him whilst a waiter clapped at the side of the table!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks a lot, Marne and marymary, these - and the previous posts - are all giving me new ideas that could work well. It's so helpful hearing how others with AS children have done it before, as I don't know any other local AS families as we are newish to this area and we haven't joined the NAS local group yet (though plan to).

Any other ideas/ brainwaves are all welcomed!

We limited ds1's 8th birthday party to his best friend and a maximum of two others.

I set up a spy school theme, which involved a trail of clues (codes to be cracked etc) which eventually led to their party bags. They had spy handbooks to complete, which included information about different types of codes and how to crack them, some logic problems and information about how they fingerprint and take foot impressions at crime scenes. We did a fingerprinting exercise, one person left their prints of a couple of items and the others had to work out whose fingerprint it was. We also cast a footprint at the crimescene where the party bags were found and they had to work out whose boot/shoe it came from.

Party bags included, a spy school t-shirt (done with inkjet transfers) uv secret writing pens, disguise kit, notebook and spy pen and some sweets.

It went really well, mainly I think because all the activities were adult led and controlled and had clear instructions and objectives. I think it also helped keeping it to such a small group (3 friends, 1 cousin, ds and ds2).

Ds's friends still talk about it even now and he'll be 10 this April.

For DSs 9th birthday he invited 4 or 5 friends all of whom had Nintendo DSs, one had a spare one they bought along for DS to borrow. Managed to drag them away from them to make pizza for tea but kept them happily entertained all the rest of the time.

One of DSs special interests in history and one of our local castles do birthday parties. For his 7th birthday when we hadn't long moved to our new area and he had no close friends we invited 10 people along to a castle party. It suited DS completely - as apparently in medieval days the Lord of the Manor (aka birthday boy) never lost, so even if he did baddly in any of the medieval games he automatically won a prize .

Ds is now 11. We did various things. We have been bowling twice as he loves it. we have taken him and a few friends to the cinema followed by pizza afterwards.
2 years ago we went to the Milton Keynes snowdome for a tobogganing party. He got snow inside his glove and hated it - gave up from being cold half way through. Then the next day at school was telling everyone it was the best party ever
This year we did a tour of CBBC with a few friends - that was a huge success

Last year we took ds1, who was 7 then , to vue cinema, with 2 closest friends, only cost £1 each, on a saturday morning. then to burger king. ds begged for the burger king bit.
This year we are had 2 friends round, for (harry potter), dobby cake and a bounce on the trampoline ( trampolines are fab for asd), so that worked well. and his main present, he is having a second birthday party. yes really! same 2 friends, taking to the Harry Potter world, when it opens up , in Watford in April.

DS didn't want anybody at his house [they might touch his things] but is happy to have lots of people around 'somewhere else'.

We've done two 'whole class' parties now [as the 'friends' thing isn't really clear with him] and bizarrely they have worked, first was a Fun Zone [indoor adventure place] - no rules just loads of screaming manic children exhausting themselves for an hour and a bit. Second was a bouncy slide and laser wall combo at the local sports centre - again loads of children chaotically running up and sliding down then bashing laser points with big foam batons for a high score.
I also do the food in party boxes so that his specifics about the food are easier to manage [everybody has there own, nothing is touching, etc etc].

I have found that if it is 'supposed' to be manic, then he is absolutely fine. He has asked for those ringo things at the local ski centre for next year. [Run up slope with giant inflatable ring, slide down on ring, repeat until time to eat!]

In contrast, he's been invited to a magic show party this Saturday and is continually asking about 'what will happen', 'where does he have to sit', 'what will they do' 'will they turn the lights off' and so on.....

Good luck on whatever you decide on.

Wow, all these ideas are amazing - thank you so much everyone. What a fantastic resource Mumsnet is. Some of the ideas are ringing lots of bells, eg. he absolutely adores CBBC, and I didn't know they did tours - is that easy to organise? and can I find out more about that on their website? (I'll have a look now....)