Time out again

[used2bthin]

DD 5, is hitting and shoving children at school. Only when unsupervised and at very specific times of day when it is busy and chaotic. The school have been really supportive so far and seem to understand that this is because she feels overwhelmed. They are also building evidence for requesting more support for her (from 15hours to full or close as poss to full)

I spoke to our hospital psychologist who said time out could in fact be reinforcing the behaviour as she may be panicking and hitting to get the saftey that is time out, an adult with her etc. She can't understand a lot of what is said and has sensory issues to will find this free time with 60 children overwhelming.

So to be fair to school, she hasn't spoken tto them yet (and is going to so am hoping to sort this out-they genuinely think they are doing the right thing atm)but DD is in time out every day, and the strategy is she goes to time out every time she does it, immediately and it must be consistent. I totally get that they have to stop her hurting other children and that they have to be consistent with all the children but given that some of her behaviour will be due to her issues and lack of communication I feel really stressed out by the thought of her being punished after rather than trying to prevent it iyswim?

And also hate the idea of time out in the room (on a chair) where everyone can see-its not really time out is it more punishment by public humiliation. I am dreading monday already.

Do others have time out at thier children's schools? I do stuff around parenting strategies at work and think that doing it this way is misinterpreting the point.

I dont think they should be using time out like that used ,in my experience time out doesnt work well with dc's on the spectrum. They often cant make the connection between the behaviour and sitting on a chair.

They need to do a social story with her about kind hands or no hitting. I am currently doing this with a LO it is working really well so far. We sit and look at the social story at a quiet calm time and she has one at home to that she looks at at bedtime.

We have had great success with it so far. Also when she hits we say and sign No firmly and redirect her to a calmer area of the room.

If your Dd is hitting because she is frightened, it seems cruel to punish her.

Hope some of that helps.

The psych is dead right.
If it is happening all the time, it's not working at eliminating the behaviour the school don't like!
Is there someone working with you and the school you trust to help?

Yes, I think that was a shrewd observation by the psych. The school IMO have got it the wrong way round - they have id'd the triggers, but can't/won't have the resources atm to deal with them. so are resorting to a quieter place as "punishment", when it would be better for them to encourage your DD to ask (via a card/visual if need be) to find a quiet area, so avoid her getting so overwhelmed. I appreciate schools can lack space, but a chair in full view of everyone .

I agree with Ineeda, that a social story/simple response will be more effective to help her make the connection between behaviour and consequence.

Thanks everyone. I know the psych wants to speak to the ed psych before she rings the school-she thought it best I don't say myself that I think its wrong but let her give them different strategies. But the ed psych is proving hard to get hold of and hasn't yet called me. Ed psych was there this week to do an assessment but they didn't ask her about the hitting-they just think they have it under control.

Feel like I can't keep letting this go on though, she'll be losing confidence. She always seems happy to have time out apparently-another clue that its the wrong approach but also I knwo that she is v good at hiding her emotions, eg will visable pull herself together rather than crying when hurt (she has had to undergo lots of painful hospital procedures due to medical condition).

Have to add they don't call it time out but some supposedly friendlier name but yes in the room and I know other kids will be very aware of who has to sit there.

I have a good relationship with school generally but its just frustrating how little they seem to realise about children like dd sometimes. OTOH I am sure they will be open to ideas so hopefully it will improve. Just can't be soon enough though for me.