i'm lost at what to do - advice needed

[saladsandwich]

ds who is 3 developmental delay of around 12months in language, social, interaction, play skills with a few minor delays in other stuff, quirky behaviour hes been seen by SALT, community paed, he has medical paeds for other things, health visitor heavily involved and sure start.

he is currently at a private nursery, hes attended from being 2 absolutely loves it, they see no issue really he is plotting on the early years curriculum thing at around 26months but they see no issue.

developmental paed, wait and see, totally bloody useless, laughs when i describe behaviour, ds is obsessive, can be quite nasty when frustrated but they say its all down to language delay

salt have said his speech is so disorganised he will need years of work but he will have 1 more appointment until he turns 5, apparently hes too young to do the work needed, they've said his speech wont improve without the help.

i have had a walk around the local school ds will be going to and they where really helpful, they brought the senco out to speak to me and she said to apply for a statement for his speech but with everyone making out ds is fine how do i do it, i spoke to the sure start worker and she shot me down, telling me its so hard to get statement takes ages paper work ect, they think im crackers (i believe them at times) but they arent living wih ds.

so basically im torn, this school i could pull ds out of the nursery he loves so much and is settled in or pop him in the school but there is more children (ds hates lots of children and noise) but he is more likely to get help there.

also i tried ringing the health visitor today (who is lovely and great) because im wanting advice on these 5 things but they didnt ring back so just wondered if anyone can help :(

-biting himself when hurt, being tickled that type of thing
-getting ds off the reins, he runs off without turning round to find me
-getting ds in his own bed, he has night terrors in his own room
-the statement process
-repeating speech from t.v/people/on the street

i know this is long just been a tough day with ds and that support worer from sure start just made me fel like a shit parent who cant cope because they believe ds is just average so must think i cant cope or im over anxious but im not, it breaks my heart to see ds play because thats when i notice it most

Hya, please have a look at what I've written on the following thread: Does ASD get better or worse? For kids and their parents? It's about ABA therapy. I wish I had found it when my son was 3. Mine is doing fantastically well. xxx

btw he was just like yours and he's improved dramatically...

btw don't think that school will be more helpful, you will need to put your foot down and you can apply for a statement yourself before he starts in ft education before he is 4. Mine started nursery at 3 already with a statement. it just means you will need to run around a bit for reports from various professionals, speech therapist, paed etc but it's worth it, he will have 1 to 1 support in school. he doesn't need to be diagnosed for that. It might be that some schools will ask if you want to place him in a special resources base (mini special school within a mainstream) but the best optioin is always to keep him in mainstream with support. I hope this helps.

I didn't really find any nhs professionals or school helpful at all but this is my experience...if I hadn't done any research my son's future would have been jeopardised. Try the national autistic society website, they have got a lot of advice on current treatments and they are also great to chat on the phone and will give you time to express your concerns and useful advice.

What does the senco of the nursery say? Has he been assessed by the area inco in this setting? (even though the nursery is private, they are usually ousted inspected etc, unless they are attached to a pre prep etc, and so still have the services of the area inco at the lea). If not, call the lea yourself and ask to speak to the early years team and the area inco that covers your nursery.

Tbh it will be tough if nursery say he's fine (they will be asked to provide evidence of need for the statement) and if they say he's ok then there's little chance of getting one. Possible, but not likely without hard evidence from other sources.

Worst case? He starts school without appropriate support and the new school support your application for stat assessment or they apply themselves.

But contact the area inco and ask to discuss transition to yr r in the first instance. Refer to all of your professional reports as to why he needs additional help. If he's having any 1-1 time it is essential that this continued.

How is he communicating at the mo? Staff will need to be trained in whatever method he is using, etc etc etc.

thanks for replying

basically nursery have said he is behind, he isn't making progress as quickly as other children but he is making progress. he has the senco as his key worker... i'm not sure what inco is so i'm guessing not.

the school i looked at i have heard great things from, they are really really good for sen and if he hasnt got a statement i know they would give him some help.

ds can talk but the nursery he is at, he has no need to communicate much, he goes to the toilet as he wants, he is fed when the dinner comes out ect. they did mention at his last parent day they find him hard to engage but hes getting better gradually. he as an obsession with books atm so he will now sit with other children at story time, his play is repetitive and copied so i can see why they dont see the problem because he is playing.

i'm going to see the school again today and monday i'm going to ask to see his early years folder again

Could you afford private speech therapy? We have had to do this as we were told the same (although my DS's speech is about 2.5 years behind).

Hi saladsandwich I have not got too much advice to give as i am the same boat as you in trying to get dx for ds3.
First of all though WELL DONE for trying to get results while your dc is young!

Here is my story(so far!)

DS3 is 7.8yrs when he was 1yrs pead said he had dev dalay of about 6 months as he was not weight bearing/cruising .brain function not really an issue or disscused.Jump to now and to cut a Very long story short and i feel he is 2.5 /3yrs behind at school accademicly and emotionaly having listened and believed the "wait and see advice" I am trying to push for a dyspraxia dx so specialist teaching can be put in place before he gets so far behind it will be impossible to catch up to a level which is reasonable.

Schools and medics dont like giving LABELS to children(you will be hearing allot of that!!) but i know if i said to my ds you have dyspraxia or whatever and that is why you are finding it difficult to do yr3 work ,he will be relieved and not carry on thinking he is just no good at anything, thick or stupid.

I think once you are in mainstream school you will get more help (you have to push /nag/remind them) as school and LEA have a legal duty to give all children the education they need whether it's delay or gifted.

From reading your post on the nursery school i wounder if they are trying to pass the buck to school as they know he will be going there soon/eventually. Dont mean to be rude about your lovely ns but they only have to get a child up a certain standard but main stream will have your child for important academic stages in their life which will reflect badly on the school if they are not met or your dc has not had the support needed.

I could be totally wrong in my next comment anyone reading this please correct me if i am,its just the impression i am under.......statementing is hard to get sometimes as schools have to prove that they have done all they can do with extra help in school before statmenting can go through, and they get the extra funnding. well thats what i have sort of been told ...i am happy to be proved wrong if anyone thinks i have been fobbed off !!!!!!

Hope my ramble has helped a bit..I have got a pead apt 27 March...I will update you with more info if we are still on thread.

Oh forgot to say ds is under school action plus(!) senco/SALT/physio/and behaviour lady comes to school once a week for confidece boosting sessions. He is a very quiet loner

GOOD LUCK

Hi saladsandwich I have not got too much advice to give as i am the same boat as you in trying to get dx for ds3.
First of all though WELL DONE for trying to get results while your dc is young!

Here is my story(so far!)

DS3 is 7.8yrs when he was 1yrs pead said he had dev dalay of about 6 months as he was not weight bearing/cruising .brain function not really an issue or disscused.Jump to now and to cut a Very long story short and i feel he is 2.5 /3yrs behind at school accademicly and emotionaly having listened and believed the "wait and see advice" I am trying to push for a dyspraxia dx so specialist teaching can be put in place before he gets so far behind it will be impossible to catch up to a level which is reasonable.

Schools and medics dont like giving LABELS to children(you will be hearing allot of that!!) but i know if i said to my ds you have dyspraxia or whatever and that is why you are finding it difficult to do yr3 work ,he will be relieved and not carry on thinking he is just no good at anything, thick or stupid.

I think once you are in mainstream school you will get more help (you have to push /nag/remind them) as school and LEA have a legal duty to give all children the education they need whether it's delay or gifted.

From reading your post on the nursery school i wounder if they are trying to pass the buck to school as they know he will be going there soon/eventually. Dont mean to be rude about your lovely ns but they only have to get a child up a certain standard but main stream will have your child for important academic stages in their life which will reflect badly on the school if they are not met or your dc has not had the support needed.

I could be totally wrong in my next comment anyone reading this please correct me if i am,its just the impression i am under.......statementing is hard to get sometimes as schools have to prove that they have done all they can do with extra help in school before statmenting can go through, and they get the extra funnding. well thats what i have sort of been told ...i am happy to be proved wrong if anyone thinks i have been fobbed off !!!!!!

Hope my ramble has helped a bit..I have got a pead apt 27 March...I will update you with more info if we are still on thread.

Oh forgot to say ds is under school action plus(!) senco/SALT/physio/and behaviour lady comes to school once a week for confidece boosting sessions. He is a very quiet loner

GOOD LUCK

OPPPPS

thanks

i have spoken to the local school today ds will attend and im just so bloody torn. they asked if ds had a statement today given his problems as they have a little boy with the sae speech but no other issues and he has a statement, they gave him a tour of the nursery i feel he would get help for his problems there but i know it will set him back disrupting him so we will be aiming to get him started there september after hes had his community paediatrician appointment so he will do 12months at the school nursery then start the year after in reception.

im going to book him in with the gp too because i have heard there is some better community paeds than the one we have and also my area he can be seen by a different hospital, the schools given me the parent partnership number too, no idea what it is really but they said they can help sometimes.

i need to get making a diary now of all his little quirks and his speech problems, also i need to ring SALT because i need their report on him and im going to ask them if i should go down the statement route well if hes severe enough to, its the social skills that worry me hes really limited, he only says hello/waves if prompted and hes 3years old.

x

SALT may well try and put you off applying for a statement doc yourself.

Statements are not done on how "severe" the child is but on need for a statement.

Ignore the naysayers who try and put you off (statement apps can take on average 6 months and perhaps longer) and make that request to the LEA on your son's behalf now. You will kick yourself longer term if you delay

You salad are your childs best - and only - advocate here. No-one else is better placed than you to fight his corner for him, this is also because no-one else will.

should i ring all the services involved with ds and get reports... they seem to be really tight on sending me copies which makes me feel they are hiding things but i think thats me being paranoid.

i have a copy of his developmental reports saying speech 12months behind, imaginative play, interactive, communicative skills delayed secondary to his speech delay, fine motor 6 months behind, no SALT reports, a CAF form, a nursery form detailing his development on the EYFS which is all 12months behind.

i'm happy i've found a good school for him, they seem very supportive, just abit :( that ds is going to be devastated to move from his nursery. he's been in nursery from 22months and he was in the building every week as a baby so it's all he knows so i know the change will hurt him but he will get more help in mainstream i know.

just a last question, do i ring the LEA for forms to do with the statement? the school gave me parent partner ship number, names ect to ring who can assist with it but i have no idea how to start x

"just a last question, do i ring the LEA for forms to do with the statement? the school gave me parent partner ship number, names ect to ring who can assist with it but i have no idea how to start x"

Hi Salad

No. What you need to do is draft a letter to the LEA asking for a statutory assessment. If you look at IPSEA's website which is www.ipsea.org.uk there are model letters on there you can use accordingly.

Keep the reports you have and use copies to provide back up evidence for your initial request. If the LEA agree to assess your son they will ask these people to give them up to date reports on your son anyway.

You will need to write to the Chief Education Officer at your LEA and give them six weeks to reply (mark that date on your calendar).

You mention PP, they can work very closely with the LEA in question so are not always impartial or even give the best advice. I am not suggesting that you do not use them at all but you do not need PP to start the ball rolling re the letter. Keep asking on here and seek indepedent advice from one of the charities like IPSEA and ACE.

Salad, its hard going but you're doing really good and do keep posting here. We'll hold your hand too!!!.

aww thankyou very much, its a mind field, the proffessionals keep making me doubt myself, i do know the new school is excellent for sen and will help fight for ds, everyone i have spoken to they have been fantastic.

thanks for all the input :) x